this was a real dope piece.
i was feelin Paks verse more tho.
he had excellent wordplay
nice metaphors n everything
X u had nice verse also
it just felt like it was missin sumthin
this was a real dope piece.
i was feelin Paks verse more tho.
he had excellent wordplay
nice metaphors n everything
X u had nice verse also
it just felt like it was missin sumthin
forget net bangin cuz u aint punk if u aint gon really fight
its funny that most the people on the internet....
.....................................who say they black is actually white
^^ Dats Word
Preciate the comments thanks.
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
no problem man keep up the good pieces
forget net bangin cuz u aint punk if u aint gon really fight
its funny that most the people on the internet....
.....................................who say they black is actually white
^^ Dats Word
Originally Posted by JustinCavalawno
This one didn't turn out as good as it could have but yeah no doubt, the pieces gonna roll
well.......overall i thought this was decent. i thought the storyline and how you guys went bars for bars was a positive aspect. there were a few flaws in the flow but w/e. people have left pretty much all serious feedback but all i really gotta say is nice work. its art and art is only bound by creativity.
thanks preciate it na mean
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
This was a very beautiful piece. Imagery showed through greatly on this. I really enjoyed reading it. The vocabulary of it was also very good. The structure was good. Everything in it was basically good. The ending of it just left a mark. The multi's were there. This piece was just very good. I'm actually going to think hard about nominating it. Great work.
all the kids loved it and the grown ups saw it's flaws. As it should be... the less minded are more impressed by the diction...
Listen to me and that other guy... the others are fools... I mean, they may enjoy writing, but everybody can't be good at it, and that may include you... People are born with the gift to write, and it's rare that it is an exceptional talent for writing rather than general...
You may be trying to incorporate too much of what you've read and see as meaningful writing or use of language.
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
You know you don't have to call me a fool because I didn't pay attention to the diction as much. Pakaveli, I like this piece. Yes maybe some things may have been forced but I still enjoyed the read, As I said before, good work and keep writing.
Believei'm listening to both parties...people who enojy reading it, i thank them and the critiques i get i am happy to get them, this is not my best piece therefore to judge me as a writer on one piece would be unjust but believe me, i understand and know what mistakes i've made in this...Lastly, i thank all responders wether that be to give my praise or constructive criticsm.Thanks.
Kiss me through the camera lens.TNL
I'm just going off of the works I've seen from you, there is always that forced awkward feeling to them. This peice just has more of it, so I thought I'd point it out.
The reason I am starting to get tough on you is an obvious one. Ask any of the numerous writers I've helped elevate here, I did the same with them. If I care, then you can expect me to be brutally honest and concerned in your threads. If I don;t care, you won't see me in your threads, plain and simple. I want to see you in SS next seasson, so I took it upon myself to give you a crash course in the advanced writting components, rather than let you figure it out all on your own.
Right now you are not even close to competing at SS levels for next season, but if you follow my lead and really apply yourself now, I can garentee you will be ready for SS by the time it rolls around. First thing I do is break the writers confidence in his work, why? If the writer thinks his work is dope or flawless then he will never blossom into a truely recognized writer here. Once that shock and awe is done and the person accepts the help, it's eaiser to point them in the right direction. I've done it here countless times. Some cry and bitch and struggle to elevate, others welcome it and it reflects in their strides of elevation.
I know you can be a good writer, right now you are borderline... If you want the help, I'm here for you... (I don't just pick on anyone, I have a method to the madness...)
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ima sucker for collabos...yall did good man. The big word thing, yea dukes kinda right, you just threw some them words in there in my opinion. Otherwise, i liked the simple type flow, and multi's here and there...good read yall, keep droppin. the skys the limit.
8.5...good shit.
The Opposite of Congress is Progress...
Completely agree with bounce. Because at the core I see a good writer. If I truly hated this or disregarded, would never have posted. Sorry if also I am being very honest and critical.
By the way, bravo on the mature way you've handled the criticism. I am more impressed by that then the piece at this point.
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
yeah nice lil quick read. had a somewhat summery feel to it. the inagery being of the naturistic kind. which was quite pleasant to visualize////// had some good poetic touches. both flows wasnice.. structure was coo.... lots of good rhymes in n out......
moulded well as one........ vocab was used and worded well
yep all in all tite write
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preciate the comments and yeah i like hponest comments so when ya give me honest comments believe me i listen to em..
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