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Thread: The Devil's Burden

  1. July 21st, 2006, 02:27 PM #1
    Lauren.
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    The Devil's Burden


    The Devil's Burden
    ~
    Finding souls to ensnare in that eternal lake of sulfur
    Forced to hear the shrieks of woman as he sees the flames engulf her
    He faces stinging heat without the Son, never pleading for forgiveness
    He already knows the end but he's still forced to relive this
    Lost the ultimate battle even before its shattered conception
    With no perception of the advent of his painful reception
    He's called the snake of deception though his sly crawl's been exposed
    Because of one surge of ego now his honor stands disposed
    Hated and reposed, he seeks comfort through grimy corruption
    Those greedy dispose themselves for a dose of neural disruption
    He diplays a facade of all-powerful prevalence
    While transforming lost hearts into deep-scarred devil tints
    Charistmatically tangling his web through the hate-twisted weeds
    Ungratefully denying all offers of grace which he needs
    He proceeds to torment, causes these tears to torrent
    For any heart mangled as his is forever one war-bent
    And he'll never repent when he feels no conviction
    He speaks misleading words with soothing dereliction
    Empty promise of power lures those without moral discernment
    Into vile chains of bondage as his dark, wicked servant



    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302133
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post4739267
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  2. July 21st, 2006, 02:31 PM #2
    Jyung
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    yo thats some good rhyme schemes you got goin shits hot gotta go look at the rest
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  3. July 21st, 2006, 10:21 PM #3
    Lauren.
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    thanks, upping
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  4. July 21st, 2006, 10:46 PM #4
    j.frank
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    I like this I like how your repping God
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  5. July 22nd, 2006, 12:05 AM #5
    Infamouz
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    you had a decent flow..nice vocab and wordplay..keep this shit up girl...goos mettas and multies..some parts could have used work cause it feel off but nice anyway
    overall.8/10



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  6. July 22nd, 2006, 12:09 AM #6
    Whyte Gunz
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    Good job this was a really good read, good flow, structure. Metaphors and wordplay was there. nice multis and rhyme scheme. Overall this was a good read. 8.5/10
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  7. July 22nd, 2006, 12:10 AM #7
    Lauren.
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    thanks wow, 2 feeds in 5 minutes lol
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  8. July 22nd, 2006, 12:16 AM #8
    Infamouz
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    return the feed in my OM plz



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  9. July 22nd, 2006, 12:51 AM #9
    Lauren.
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    I will tomorrow when I can focus
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  10. July 22nd, 2006, 11:35 AM #10
    Lauren.
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  11. July 23rd, 2006, 01:35 AM #11
    Lauren.
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    meh don't sleep on me
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  12. July 23rd, 2006, 06:22 PM #12
    Lauren.
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  13. July 23rd, 2006, 07:42 PM #13
    White Dice
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    fiya this was a good piece.
    had nice vocab n it
    ur rhyme scheme was nice
    n all it was a good piece
    i look forward to seein more
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  14. July 24th, 2006, 07:02 PM #14
    Lauren.
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    thanks for the feed, upping
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  15. July 25th, 2006, 06:05 PM #15
    Lauren.
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    upping feed
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