this is my 1st round SS playoffs battle against Laureate, in which I progressed to the next round, it has been called 'The second best peice in SS this week'.......but I want to know your opinion.
Lost In The Valley Of Sins
*A story of a fantasy land
that no-one wants to fantasize about*
My pain, disguised by a mandatory grin
Stays within, and eats me alive inside
Plucking on my heart strings, attempting escapism
Delimited by pessimism, my brain collapses
And subsides, my inner child has been lost
Riposte, engulfs my soul, I am a shell of a man
Tanned, by great holidays, and life in the sun
Attempting to run, all I can administer is a crawl
I fall, emphatically , on the unyielding wooden floor
Collide with the door, and descend in to a sonorous slumber
*drifting gently away to another world*
Alone in wonderland, my passage unfolds before me
As spiralling wind, captures me, and drowns my screams
hurls me from side to side, as I struggle for liberation
Thunder strikes, as my plight, is momentarily hastened
Released from the clutches, of the mighty gale
My pale, and drained cadaver, falls flaccidly to the ground
Dumfound, I stare at my surrounding, and gasp
For at last, I have found where I belong, my institution
Grimy and tedious , the land tells a tale of woe
*He moves forward in this land*
The scarlet sun is setting on the lacklustre horizon
Sandy valleys stretch, as far as the eye can see
Bodies lay scattered, most deceased and the others dying
On a necklace, around a soldier’s décolletage, is a plea
With eyes full of distress, but also of abominate
The soldier lays parched , clutching to his concluding breath
As I apprehend, I have been brought to a world of hate
I jump with anxiety, when out of nowhere the warrior says
‘take this plea , flee from me, for you don’t want to see
The final fight, our final plight, will occur this very night’
With this said, he fell unconscious, forever departed
And almost as if it was a indicate, the final conflict started
*horrified, he hides and stares at the scenc unfolding*
A line of skeletons, paved the top of the uppermost valley
Armed with weaponry, of the type I have never seen
Thousands upon thousands of warriors, too many to tally
And standing, in front of the immense congregate, their queen
With a torturous scream, and a cursory hand motion
She sent her men, to obliterate this unholy terrain
And almost as though it had been enchanted my magic potion
The fading land, let out a mournful wail, full of pain
Flickering fire consumed all the land, and killed it within
*finally he realises, there's no place like home*
Lost in the valley of sins, surrounded by conflagration
I wail in despair, I don’t want to see any more
My conscience, finally recognizes my peaked impatience
As I wake up, back on my wooden floor
Against the door
Reply With Quote
. The structre is dope. I like it alot. And the wordplay is very mature. The flow went well bu the rhyme skeme was predictable.The imagenary was perfected to a well done limit. The Creativty was well done as well 
Originally Posted by The Witness.
