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Thread: Historic Past Rhymes

  1. #1
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Historic Past Rhymes

    "Historic Past Rhymes"




    From past poets, writers, leaders alike
    fire fighters trying to keep us safe from behind
    the scenes, they save dreams, unnoticed
    because theirs too many writers in this world
    and the pen just has to maintain its focus.
    When the bird of terror flew into the nest of death
    on 9-11, another date our brethren can't forget.
    Because our family died, our spirits died inside
    of us, but what about now? No fear over time.
    I reside to past crimes, simple trials of denial
    insane brains too scared to walk the extra mile.
    Shit, they would be the first to forget what we
    did to get where we are today, pray and plead.
    But writers, see, writers succeed, do good deeds
    give an extra step in life, sweep us off of our feet.
    From hard times since the beginning of mankind
    there was always a story to fill the heart. Shinning
    poets know it too, you should, its a famous take
    on life, decide now how to place it, or make it
    another disaster. Master what happens when
    people dance after troubles on rooftops, and
    swimming in their households, begin to wonder
    why the man upstairs would support our lives
    yet is the main product of thunder.
    It makes me shutter in utter disbelief in our future
    so, now you know why writing is like history's suture

    Journey with me into the realms of
    Shakespeare and Raleigh, while we
    dwell on the scriptures of Sir
    Francis Bacon along with Mr. Thomas
    Middleton. Emerse your mind into the
    wisdom shared from the tounge of
    Benjamin Franklin. Edgar Allen Poe's work
    will shock your heart, as you
    remember the story of "The Raven",
    along with the chilling details
    that sent a shiver down your spine.
    Allow the fantasies of Mark Twain
    to run amock; Imagine being in
    the company of Tom and Huck, while
    letting the waters of the Mississippi
    River engulf your body. Let the work
    of Walt Whitman ever so sweetly tickle
    your ears, as "O Captain, My Captain"
    pays homage to Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
    Experience Ms. Dickinson exhibit her
    exquisite poetical expertise as she
    explains her river. Robert Frost is
    eagerly awaiting to explain the road
    he chose not to take, while Robert
    Louis Stevenson provides us with the
    unforgettable story of "Treasure Island".
    Open your ears and eyes to appreciate
    Langston Hughes, who stood up and proudly
    proclaimed "I am Negro, black as night".
    Nowadays, it's such a rare occasion to
    find a group of kids, and not a single
    one know who Shel Silverstein is. "The
    Child's Poet", who delighted us with
    silly tounge-twisters that would leave
    your soul bubbly and content at one's
    reading of a poem. Last but not least:
    Maya Angelou has enlightenend our souls
    with wisdom of unmeasurable years. Just
    take a bit of time out of your hectic life
    and let her, herself, explain how she knows
    why the caged bird sing. Literature is without
    a doubt the backbone of wisdom in modern-day
    America. Literature is knowledge.

    1st verse- Jonathon
    2nd verse- Wireless
    Last edited by Jon; July 16th, 2006 at 03:13 AM
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  2. #2
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  3. #3
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    OMFG.. This is a great piece.. Reply.. It isnt actually that long.. IF you read it, its like something you'd read in lounge.. please get some replys
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    I really like this one. Its got some real shit in it. The rhyme scheme's were decent the vocab wonderful and the structure good. I got a real cool history vibe from this lol. I think your styles could have meshed a little bit better but it was still overall an excellent peice. The topic is unique enough that it wasn't like reading the same ol' shit. Nice work guys.
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301605
    please hit that...^

    did to get where we are today, pray and plead.
    But writers, see, writers succeed, do good deeds
    really really good drop very creative not many ppl do something like this but i feel u kinda missed out on some good chances for multies and improve the flow i feel u shouldve taken some more time to improve this but for most part this was really dope everything was there to make it soo "dope" the weakest part was the strutre but i like how u made one verse on the left and the other on the right very creative and i enjoy reading your drops and i look forward to more.....

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    The Boob Squad

  7. #7
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    This was quite good, i liked the way you both presented the aspects of your verses, props for that. There was creativity in this, from the topic choice to the writen piece it was an enjoyable read. Though lacking some aspects of a major flow it still had most things going for it. So overall, WEll done to both of, Stay up.
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  8. #8
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Dude, good piece. I can't stress this enough with collabs, but just balance your verses, and how you write. I can tell you two communicated enough because your verses were related, and you both took the same continuated structure, and left words hanging so I can tell you were on the same page.

    Jonathon, if I didn't know you I wouldn't even think that you were new to the poetry topical thing, but you executed it nicely, as well as Wireless. I'm honored to have both of you in the Artis'Tree.

    Keep collabing.

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  9. #9
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    rise for feed. I'll try my best to RTF...

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  10. #10
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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  11. #11
    Talent. Omega.'s Avatar
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    this was a great collab jon you really leveting everytime you touch OM or the POETRY SECTION you post another great piece i really liked this one grea emotion and great execution of meshing both and complimenting each other..


    I reside to past crimes, simple trials of denial
    insane brains too scared to walk the extra mile.
    Shit, they would be the first to forget what we
    did to get where we are today, pray and plead.
    But writers, see, writers succeed, do good deeds
    give an extra step in life, sweep us off of our feet.
    From hard times since the beginning of mankind
    there was always a story to fill the heart. Shinning
    poets know it too, you should, its a famous take
    on life, decide now how to place it, or make it

    ^^
    liked this part of your verse real mellow and emotion was intact and nice multies and meta

    Experience Ms. Dickinson exhibit her
    exquisite poetical expertise as she
    explains her river. Robert Frost is
    eagerly awaiting to explain the road
    he chose not to take, while Robert
    Louis Stevenson provides us with the
    unforgettable story of "Treasure Island".
    Open your ears and eyes to appreciate
    Langston Hughes, who stood up and proudly
    proclaimed "I am Negro, black as night".
    Nowadays, it's such a rare occasion to
    find a group of kids, and not a single
    one know who Shel Silverstein is. "The
    Child's Poet", who delighted us with
    silly tounge-twisters that would leave
    your soul bubbly and content at one's
    reading of a poem. Last but not least:
    Maya Angelou has enlightenend our souls
    with wisdom of unmeasurable years.
    ^^
    Wireless yours came real unique and real extent on story telling i liked your collab my dudes

    keep collabing.

    RTF on the last link in the sig please
    Insane Joker Lyricists


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  12. #12
    Banned chuck taylor.'s Avatar
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    i didnt read jons peice yet, i will come back later, a bit busy atm lol, anyway.. wireless, i liked your peice, rhyme sceme was pretty good where im sitting, i didnt like your flow much, but yea other than that i didnt really see any flaws with your peice, i like the way you wrote it, imaginary was quite nice here, along with emotion... wish i coulda left a longer feed, but im just so fucking busy..

    props.

  13. #13
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    uppin

    if you leave links, I'll get to them eventually.
    Sick right now
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  14. #14
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    rise...

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  15. #15
    bann'd from text STAY-Z's Avatar
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    i like this piece, i think you really work well together, similar styles
    the piece is an interesting read the way the rhymes follow into next the lines
    sorta like you dont stop or pause at the end of every line
    which i guess makes a written get a bit boring
    flow on the first was good, flow on the second was exeptional
    9/10
    nice work, keep it up

    'bump second thoughts on life' quick key of true speaking

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