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Thread: Another Day. - ft. Cry

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    Another Day. - ft. Cry

    Another Day.
    By: Infamouz. & Cry


    Infamouz.- Fist 2 day's.
    Cry- Last Day

    There will alway's be another soldier dead as the day's go by..
    .. & they will all be remembered & NEVER forgotten, in our heart's.


    Soldier's Diary - Day 6.
    No turning back now, when you've come to far to fair.
    While some wish upon death, as there restless in despair.
    Time flair's, as i peek the horizon of the mourning sun.
    Another day of life, thinking of what wonder's will come.
    My heart run's, it beat's somberly with no internal reason.
    For war is treason, knowing that it's the begginig of kill season.
    Hard, fighting men have died, for no individual point at all.
    Bodies scattered, not knowing if you will be the next to fall.
    Soldier's crawl, some with no remorse, which is often expected.
    Seeing that no one care's for you, many feeling very neglected.
    Now the time has come, prepared for it all, as I pier around slow.
    Knowing it will shatter many more soul's, but continuing I will go...


    Soldier's Diary - Day 12.
    It has come down to Many soldier's, brutally tortured & killed.
    Even the very skilled, got consumed as they swarmed the field's.
    Danger filled, not a very pleasant pressence came with in me.
    Some envy, there is nothing I can do, so future I look forward to see.
    I wish I can be joyfull & glee. But all I'm feeling is pain & sorrow.
    While I strive for the best. Fight for today, to try & live for tomorow.
    Our weapon's are borrowed, & we strive for nothing but the best.
    Showing other's the stress, while we prove to be nothing less.
    We do this for us, our trust, our country & no one can have doubt.
    Drifted through many clout's, but for US we show what were about.
    Now it's Another Day prepared for it all, as I pier around slow.
    Knowing it will shatter many more soul's, but continuing I will go...


    Soldier's Diary - Day 18. Last Day.
    .. & Yet another day full of sarrow. mournful screams of tomorrow
    It seems that the day we leave our sins behind, is a day jesus barrows
    It's hard though .. the guns blazing & the hazing of fog in between
    The scene is far from the greatest of things one would've ever seen
    We try to be redeemed ..the soldiers & I. but we're left in mudholes
    Left so silent and suddle to cry. wonder why our families haven't written
    It doesn't seem fittin` to be missin` our family already, but we stay steady
    Because as grenades & bombs drop, we know where our lives are heading
    Our lives are heading, like the tops of stories. an introduction to a world
    Our plans are unfirrled like the blankets covering us are folded & currled
    We march away, but instead of feet we lay head to heels on our backs
    We feel relapsed through time, the sweet sublime reaches the flask ..
    Pour & stack the drinks ..because we celebrate as soldiers now ..you'd think
    & as our bodies lay under the black tarp like sheets, our families don't blink
    The brink of ashes, the bloody masses, bodies piled atop one another ..
    We were soldiers, we belonged to families, & the United States was our brother


    There will alway's be another soldier dead as the day's go by..
    .. & they will all be remembered & NEVER forgotten, in our heart's.


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    Talent. Omega.'s Avatar
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    nicely done and to see as you didnt wanan collab with me its koo though....well love the imagery and the complexity is real nice my dude.....couldnt get anybetter than this my dude....both cam well equipped and prepared my dude really strong piece right here with good multies and imagery and metas nice read very interesting


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    This was quite good i liked the flow of all the verses. The whole aspect of diary style writing was interseting and aisthetically correct. The imager, as in description was done very well but i wanted to see more abstract metaphors, ah well...except that i enjoyed both the writers styles as they fully complimented each other and done what i believe, is good justcie to the topic. Stay up
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    First two days - Were good openers. The Content could have contained more and a little more imagery in the first day, but the imagery picked up in the second. They both contained pretty good vocabulary. There wasnt much of a story but we understood what was going on. Could have more imagery of what was going on and a ltitle more emotion about how you feel and what you see.
    Last Day - A lot of imagery which fixed up the little that wasnt there in the beginning. Both flowed well together. The last day pretty much sumed everything up. Very nice closer. Keep at it.
    Back.

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    Thank's for the feed..

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    word thanks for the feed.

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    Banned chuck taylor.'s Avatar
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    cool peice nigglets, you two are coming along quite nicely with topicals i'd say, allthought i dont know all that much about them, just my thoughts aye.. hah.. but yea i felt the topic you guys used was good, and the way you went about it, infamous - your first 2 were quite nice, coulda used a bit of imagery in the first verse, but you made up for it in the 2nd.. vocab was arlight, aswell as the flow... wasnt much of a story.. but yeah.. could of done with a little more emotion also i felt.. but overall pretty nice... CRY- your verse was also pretty decent, i felt where infamous lacked in the emotion and imagery department you picked up in, so that sorta balanced the whole peice out so to speak, i prolly liked the last day the most out of the three days, it summed it up, and it was a good closer to the peice... good stuff.

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    Yeah the ending is the best part to write on. Lol.. Anyway's thank's for the feed though.

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    Uppin this for more feed please..

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    Wow at this piece with no more feed..

    Up..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pakaveli
    This was quite good i liked the flow of all the verses. The whole aspect of diary style writing was interseting and aisthetically correct. The imager, as in description was done very well but i wanted to see more abstract metaphors, ah well...except that i enjoyed both the writers styles as they fully complimented each other and done what i believe, is good justcie to the topic. Stay up

    I'll preciate it if you could check my new OM, thanks
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301685

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    Ok, will do when I get the chance.

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    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    thanks for feed all ..

    bumps.

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    Our lives are heading, like the tops of stories. an introduction to a world
    ^^ loved that single line... dont kno y really but i just did

    amazing piece by the both of you... it was well put together and well planned out and both of your verses seemed to fit together.

    Infamouz.- Your verses were top notch my friend... The strongest point in my mind was the consistent and fluent flow to your piece and i dont think that it fell off once. the structure was bold and strong, it looked very nice... the rhymescheme was regular but it was well done... the rhymes were all complex and difficult and your multis were present for the most part.. the vocabulary was amazing and it really aided on the imagry... i saw good metaphors in your verses and a nice use of wordplay... the thing i think you need to work on most is your emotion, because you didnt seem to go too deep into that piece... all in all good work tho and amazing drop

    Cry- Cry my man way 2 rep The Reunion son.. For what Infamouz lacked in emotion you made up for it because your verse seemed very deep to me... your unique rhymescheme was amazing, and all your rhymes were complex and difficult and it truly displayed your true talent. multis were present and consistent and you kept the ball rolling with some of those complex multis which is really food 2 c.. Vocabulary was outstanding and the imagry was vivid and spectacular... i think your strongest point in this piece was the wordplay and the cleverness behind your piece... though the thing i think you did poorly on was the flow believe it or not... a few lines were worded wrong and it just caused confusion and it effected your flow greatly so work on that for next time... all in all you did very well cry and you should be proud of your work here.

    Nice job you two and if you could i would greatly appreciate it if you left feed on my OM Falling ?... thanks and good drop.
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