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Thread: Nathaniel of the Valley

  1. July 5th, 2006, 06:32 AM #1
    Infinite Intelligence
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    Nathaniel of the Valley

    Nathaniel of the Valley


    Nathaniel of the valley
    Of the heart and soul
    The copper colt divides the clouds
    and lets the thunder roll

    His challenge to the lightning
    to "come and race the rail"
    Your raindrops for the bounty
    woven in my mane and tail.

    The lightning it was clever
    and with not a second missed
    tore down the mountain
    with a crack and hiss

    But the pony never faltered
    and with a stallions nerve
    screammed back to the lightning
    "Bow to he you serve"!!!

    Then he watered by the river
    on the rain that he had won
    And settled in the tall grass
    till another cloud should come.


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300079
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300132
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  2. July 5th, 2006, 06:43 AM #2
    Infinite Intelligence
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    wow! ^ that guy's a hall of famer. lol up.
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  3. July 5th, 2006, 07:53 AM #3
    Facts Machine
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    this was well written with an original concept.. it's a short poem with a hip-hop feeling to it and the rhymescheme was decent, but the rhymescheme had nothing that made my eye widen. overall good shit.

    please return the favor in my sig there's a link to my recent open mic called I'm Sarcastic And Coronas Are Healthy. thanks.
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  4. July 5th, 2006, 04:54 PM #4
    Infinite Intelligence
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  5. July 5th, 2006, 10:47 PM #5
    Infinite Intelligence
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    more feed. please and thank you.
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  6. July 8th, 2006, 07:17 AM #6
    Infinite Intelligence
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  7. July 8th, 2006, 08:33 AM #7
    Infinite Intelligence
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    ehem.
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  8. July 8th, 2006, 12:52 PM #8
    Infinite Intelligence
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    1 person.. this is rediculous.
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  9. July 9th, 2006, 02:03 AM #9
    Infinite Intelligence
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    Last edited by Infinite Intelligence; November 11th, 2007 at 07:22 PM
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  10. July 9th, 2006, 08:35 AM #10
    IL Duce
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    I liked this piece.You worded things very well and your imagery worked very well.You could have been a bit more creative but what you wrote was aenough and was enjoyable to read.I was impressed with your descriptive writing and you really did do a good job on displaying your imagery


    His challenge to the lightning
    to "come and race the rail"
    Your raindrops for the bounty
    woven in my mane and tail.

    The lightning it was clever
    and with not a second missed
    tore down the mountain
    with a crack and hiss
    ^This was worded very well

    This is my first time I have read something from you and I enjoyed it.I look foward to reading more of your pieces and keep writing.

    -Dyl
    "Children and lunatics cut the Gordian knot which the poet spends his life patiently trying to untie."
    Jean Cocteau

    x1 PSHOF

    Imminent Evolution


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  11. July 9th, 2006, 09:29 AM #11
    GREVISS
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onus.
    wow! ^ that guy's a hall of famer. lol up.

    ^^lol..more on a poetry tip...
    it was ight...sometimes you dont need
    the flashy shit to make it work...
    it didnt make me lean back...
    but fucken elegant in its simplicity...
    decent read...flows ight...stay up peace
    Woven miraculous miracles in immaculate verse……….
    Within meticulous syllables kill inaccurate verbs……...
    Vicious superlative anarchy simulator of words………..
    Vocally hit at velocities watching amateurs burn……..
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  12. July 9th, 2006, 01:09 PM #12
    Seneka
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    Short and sweet, the easiest thing to do a whole thing on. Yeah this was definently a poem, although it rhymed kinda like a rap. The rhyming was okay, and something you could get away with in this case. I think length would've helped this out a little more, it seemed to be headed in the right direction, but it stops too soon. But overall, a good write in my opinion.
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  13. July 10th, 2006, 05:31 AM #13
    Infinite Intelligence
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    lol. ^no idea what this was about do you? up.
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  14. July 10th, 2006, 05:46 PM #14
    Infinite Intelligence
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    upping once again
    Last edited by Infinite Intelligence; November 11th, 2007 at 07:23 PM
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  15. July 12th, 2006, 05:26 PM #15
    Infinite Intelligence
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