Only A Lost Dream (first Topical Ever In Ss)

[Philly®]

A man grabs a stack of papers, writes a little, as so it seems
for all that was present on a sheet, was the title "dreams".
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The writer

My brain is devoid, as i try to remember what i dreamt last night
with opaque an vague thoughts i can barely maintain my focus right
i try to congregate snippets of ripped memories, i let my paper drop
but in all equality, i was lost, gone, trapped in writers block
consumed by doubt, i shake my head as i snatch the paper from my desk
thinking, maybe i'll introvert my thoughts, an see what happens next
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.
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the pen touches the paper, my wrist flicks and letters appear
with a straight train of thought, i write down what i hold so dear
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.

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I later ripped out this page, was having trouble getting it completed
i had put it under my pillow, now it's gone, have you seen it?



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...1&postcount=13
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79&postcount=5

[Kalos Graphē]

haha wow philly that was actually really tight my man... absolutely amazing 4 ur 1st Topical in Ss i think u might have that 1 on lock man... 1 thing i need 2 kno, is that actually ur writing? bcuz u have some nice ass printing my man... fuck...
lol neways back to the basics... so your topic was nice and fairly original, even though the dreams topic itself isnt very original, you put a unique twist on it and made it more interesting to the reader... the whole storyline itself was awesome, although i would have liked to see your piece a little more lengthly, it seemed that the letter took up most the verse and there wasn't much of you yanoe... structure and flow was on point, obviouslly after all that audio shiz, you should have no prollem with flow... uhh you're vocab was absolutely outstanding, very intelligent and i can see you elevated alot in that category since i've been gone... uhhh rhymes and multis were ok, but after hearing your Everyday track i kno you can do better than that in that category... i dono mayb you found it more difficult to do multis, keep a deep emotion and focus yourself on one topic that you probably didnt wanna write about? i dono but that's gonna take more practice i guess if you wanna keep doing topicals

all in all awesome work... hit up the link in my sig titled Peaceful Storm

thanks man and ima keep my eye open 4 u

[Philly®]

no the letter i did on photoshop, but it was written out by me originally, i aint got a scanner so i used my creativity

n i'll hit link in a lil

[~SILENT~]

word philly damn..
nice creativity had emotion and flow written all over it i loved the style it was original. the mutlies and lil metaphors really came out man..it was koo too that you had the image it made it more interesting in the read. nice my dude nice..

RTF on the links FAM.

[Philly®]

thx for feed bump

[Philly®]

last bump for today

[Seneka]

Yeah Philly I remember this, I don't know, I still don't like the rhyming, but as for just straight writing, it is pretty good. I hear you rhyme better now so I'm sure you're a solid rapper and topical writer and all that. Oh yeah, and people say intros have to be rhymed really well, but that leads to artificalness if not done right and here, it doesn't flow well with me. But still a good piece of writing.

[yung prophecy]

Thats deep nuh!

[Kalos Graphē]

ur stupid^

[Blazin' Young]

great work man, really liked how it was presented, and loved the letter. your feelings and emotions were present which is always good to see in a great peice and i think if you keep up the great work you could get really far in SS man, keep working on it, g/l, and peace and cheers.

[Chris Black]

This was nice. It flowed really well. The only thing I didn't like were the last two lines, and the last line of the paper. I don't know why but it just seemed to not belong to me. Still a good piece though.

[Philly®]

thx for the feed chris.. i'll hit your later or tomorrow

[Philly®]

bump for some lunch

[Philly®]

bump... don't sleep

[Philly®]

jesus loves you...