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Last edited by Illus'; November 23rd, 2008 at 02:46 PM
Up.
dope piece yo i really felt your shit, im just gettin back on rb and i read bounces shit and was confused but your shit had a nice level of complexity, meaning it was complex and i still understood, alot of imagery in dis piece and a good flow
overall nice piece
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...86#post4666886
leave feed on my ish
thank for feed... am using an onOriginally Posted by Ron B. Vicious
screen key board mine broke until
get a new one my typn n giving
feed back will be delyed
up
This was nice man, I really liked what you did here. Very elegant and poetic, just an all around good write. Surely getting an OMHoF nom from me if other don't.
One of the better peices I've read from you man.
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*scratches head*
But it's a poem... How can it win an OMHOF spot?
Whatever I'll feed it anyways.
I liked the concept, the idea of scrapbooking through the memories is something so blatantly ovious I'm surprised that I myself, or anyone else has really thought of it or done it before. While I was in love with the concept, I felt like the content was just average. When you have someone of your stature you come to have a certain expectation, or raised standard while reading and this didn't quite measure up. To me I never really felt like you were comfortable or confident in your words, but rather everything just kind of seemed to be its own part rather than being bound by a common strand of emotion. Also, rather than having the content read fluently as one concious stream, it was kind of choppy and out of place due to the overuse of solitary adgetives apposed to strong metaphors and other poetic techniques. Uuuuuum, the language, it wasn't very consistant. At times you opted to take advantage of higher level vocabulary words, while others you simply dropped to the other end of the spectrum and use minimal vocab in a casual manner. All in all there was to much contrast between the inner mechanisms of this piece for me to fully be able to enjoy the skeletal outline that was a beautiful concept.
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
Concept is really original. Never seen it before. Um, this is a poem though, so I don't know why you posted it in here. Probably for more feed huh. .anyway, your ability to describe the different stanzas with the same concept, but different perspectives were consistently outstanding. Very poetic though. Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading it.
AI. Legendary.
19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.
the poetic instinct was obvious here. You had a lot of emotion running everywhere and i enjoyed reading it. i like writing pieces like this, but i can't get it through as well as you did. you deffinatly got a lott'a talent. This is really sad emotion. it's almost like all this persons ever dealt with were abusive memories. It's almost weird to read something like this, but in a odd way, kind of soothing ..like a "greatfull for your life" kind of vibe. liked it a lot ..good read.
hit Scorch, Burn! in the OM section .
I enjoyed this... it had an interesting topic...i always enjoy something interesting and poetic and this was something...i was liking the flow constantly throughout your peice..i also felt the emotion....rhyme scheme was good...and overall this was a very good peice around a 9.5ish/10...keep it up man..you got skill.
wow thanks i really appreciate the feed.
to nique yeah i put this piece here because
im so used to dropping openmics
and word to bounce thanks
sorry to freepost but can u please hit up my OM
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299480
Yeah tomorrow I will hit it up..
got a new keyboard so yeah lol
I can type better now.
appreciate the feed back once again..
and Myself aka atticus thanks for the
breakdown I think you like my other
style of writing better when I bascially
use a totally different style of vocab and
meta's but now I am just experimenting.
Ya, I did like your other one better, but the basic style can be cool too... It's just that you kind of wandered back and forth between your old style and this more basic one so it was a big contrast. Hey, be cool if you could reply to my Om, "As Seen on Tv!"
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
Yeah I see what your saying...
I will hit it up...
up.
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