Heartfull Matter

[Seti]

Heartfull Matter

I stutter or does stutter the heart
Hiccupping the pained cupid dart
That hit with pain yet revealed no gain
Bloody stain of cadavers that attain
My intention, should I mention
There’s no apprehension
To a broken heart

Fluids that are rowed by the rower
Of the pained heart of mine
God fearing man yet no Noah
Can’t take mange-et trios at a time
I wanted be your one, you’re only
But stonily you told me no see
I only wanted the flowery seed
That grew to fulfil a loving deed
Yet the pained heart tells no lie
.Why the hate.
Rejection wouldn’t have cause me to die

But you implacably told me so
“Your love is passive as placebo”
So I know you past the passive love
Someone shot down the holy dove
.
The lover leprously lives on
Never again believing a love song

[Seti]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298750
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298114

[Illus']

Interesting piece...

some of you lines almot didn't make sense
to me, I caught on somewhat. You are missing
a word though..

I wanted be your one, you’re only

you forgot the (to) got to be careful..

Yet the pained heart tells no lie
.Why the hate.
Rejection wouldn’t have cause me to die

But you implacably told me so
“Your love is passive as placebo”
So I know you past the passive love
Someone shot down the holy dove

Pretty nice here. The emotion was very good
and you only used short lines to display that
emotion..Nicely done ...The lines I bolded were
my favorite , because it was very deep and I mean
deep..To me anyway. Holy Dove it's like the Holy spirit
or just dove is a sign of the holy spirit watching over
you. Love, when Jesus was crucified a dove flew over
him..the dove represented that..anyways nice short piece.


keep dropping.

[Atti]

Ya, some of the lines didn't.

The piece was really just a mass of nothing. It had it's high points which were actually pretty strong, but when it was low, damn... You really fucked it up. Honestly, and don't past back trying to dispute it, the majority of the content in this piece was thrown away for the sake of a few multies and internal schemes. Ya, pat on the back, dope flow... But when you read a page of writing and just barely grasp the overall concept, and really are left in utter confusion, everything else really means shit. I'd rather see a piece that's insanely dope but has week flow than this, because it's easy to add or learn flow while when you do this... You've just massacred a decent concept. Didn't really like it man, hopefully you can change my mind about you in your next piece.

[Maaco]

Decent piece good vocab flow was nice yea some lines didnt make sence seemed like you were throwin them toghter, try and keep me interested with some more multies and shit
My intention, should I mention
There’s no apprehension
To a broken heart

I lied that part lol i like the word apprehension lol

nice piece just lackin some stuff

[Seti]

Preciate all the comments and pointers.

[Endeva.]

i tihnk you were thinking too much about the rhyming and not enough on the content, i mean whats a bunch of rhymes if the meaning's blurred or not even there...

also your flow n shit would have been better if youd carried your lines a bit further

all in all, you need more substance

pz