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Thread: One Last Wish

  1. #1
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    One Last Wish

    this OM is about a soldier, who is prepared and understands he will face death in his next mission, and writes a letter to his wife from the journey to the last seconds of his sad death.

    One Last Wish




    Sunday 8th December – The Journey


    As I grasp my M4, steadily in my hand
    I prepare for my walk, 21 miles, in blazing hot sand
    All seems well so far, no trouble, no fear
    With every footstep I take, the doomed day draws slowly near
    With every move I make, pressure is lifted off my shoulder
    And as night falls I shake, because It’s getting much colder
    One man is down, so a dead man in my arms, I’m towing
    But you’re my motivation, inspiration, that keeps me going
    No idea where we’re heading too, no idea what we’ll face
    Say our grace, as death is a possibility we need to embrace
    Close my eye’s, and you’re the first thing on my mind
    Endure the heat, venture on, there’s no looking behind


    How many more we need to lose…
    …before the war will end
    Why is it violence we choose…
    …this last letter I wish to send
    To my family and dear friends…
    …close to my heart
    I’m dying, I’m losing, I cant pretend…
    …for my soul is about to depart

    The end is near, I can taste it…
    …this journey is no longer fun
    Not to be mean but face it…
    …my time here is almost done
    Death around the corner…
    …but I keep a brave mentality
    My wife now, tomorrow a mourner…
    …I’m destined to be a fatality



    Monday 9th December – Death Approaches


    We’ve stopped before our attack, to pick up supplies
    Everyone knows they may die, you can see it in their eyes
    Eyes that want to cry, but only hold onto fate
    Wish I could rewind my choices, but its too late
    Pick up our firearms, canteens, and walk
    Shouldn’t be writing letters, but I need to talk
    To someone who understands my concern and fears
    So many emotions inside of me, but I wont shed tears
    And before I pass away, just tell Mandy
    That her daddy was the one who bought her dollies and candy
    She’ll understand soon the brave choice I made
    The moon rises, I’m just a soldier, under deaths shade


    Dream of how I will die…
    …will it be homicide or suicide
    Because I can’t lie…
    …I’m pouring my heart out inside
    Can’t cope with my destiny…
    …crazy visions, I must shake
    Nightmares keep testing me…
    …in my sleep, before I wake

    My daughter in my soul…
    …I deeply miss
    Her happiness is my goal…
    …before I prepare to dismiss
    This world, my daughter, and my wife…
    …before the queue of death I align
    If this isn’t the end of my life…
    …please god show me a sign



    Tuesday 10th December – Bleeding Tears of Love


    The attack is closing in, enemies in my sight
    I don’t want to shoot, but deep inside, I know I must fight
    Shoot five bullets, and the raid begins to reign free
    Whatever may happen, Whoever dies, let it be
    Torn flesh is all I hear, as men in the zone pass away
    Bullets flying astray, as I try to make my way
    Back to the bushes, so my view is the best
    Look down, a sharp pain, I have been shot in the chest
    Medics come and take me to a safer place
    My last breathing moments, the last sight of a mans face


    As I jerk, blood starts to spill…
    …out of my mouth and chest
    A painful thrill…
    …but me dying, was for the best
    I don’t want to leave you behind…
    ...you were my everything
    It goes all black, and I turn blind…
    …in my mind, our love song, I sing

    Die in a pool of blood, my face they cover…
    …now I’m nothing but a mess
    All the pain and pressure is over…
    …no more worries or distress
    Please do not cry for me…
    …my body is dead, my soul is alive
    Because now I am free…
    …in your dreams, is where I survive


    In history, my name will be engraved in forever gold
    Because my last mission, was for my last wish to be told


    .
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    Dedicated to all the soldiers, worldwide, who have left behind loved ones, fighting for their country. Amen.
    .
    .

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299032
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=298728
    .
    .

    uppin for some official feed guys. peace out and g/l.
    Last edited by Blazin' Young; June 27th, 2006 at 09:04 AM

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  2. #2
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    Uppin for some feed guys, cmon.

    Peace and Cheers.

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  3. #3
    Banned Rancor's Avatar
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    Very well done. I liked the whole concept and the way you told it was very good. I could actually feel myself in that soldiers mind state and unlike past Om's where it goes like "We miss you give glory to our soldiers" thing your OM really makes the reader go "Damn" na mean. Thw whole leaving your family and sacrifice was good.

    Now for the technical aspects. The vocab was aight, not great but better than many. In parts the imagery shone but others it draped a lil. Structre was good in parts but lost form in tohers. However the backbone of a topical is emotion and this had emotion in abundance. A very well written emotive piece, Kudos.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mak P
    Very well done. I liked the whole concept and the way you told it was very good. I could actually feel myself in that soldiers mind state and unlike past Om's where it goes like "We miss you give glory to our soldiers" thing your OM really makes the reader go "Damn" na mean. Thw whole leaving your family and sacrifice was good.

    Now for the technical aspects. The vocab was aight, not great but better than many. In parts the imagery shone but others it draped a lil. Structre was good in parts but lost form in tohers. However the backbone of a topical is emotion and this had emotion in abundance. A very well written emotive piece, Kudos.
    thanks for the feed man, all my OM's are about bringing emotion, you learn to appreciate them more if it has a great deal of it in there. But nevertheless, uppin for some more feed.

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  5. #5
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    bumpin for some more feed guys!

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  6. #6
    Chop Chop Axe.'s Avatar
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    i agree for wat mak p said

    ..the shit was just plain hot..keep it up
    overall.9/10
    CΛVEMEN
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  7. #7
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    Uppin for some feed guys, cmon.

    Peace and Cheers.

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  8. #8
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    uppin for some feed guys, cmon.

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  9. #9
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    this is real hott.......well written wit vocab and structure, i liked the rhyme scheme you used, emotional throughout the piece which made it deep. i think you should experiment a little more with multis, thatll bring something to the piece which will impact it greatly, and make it an even better read. very enjoyable, stay up, good work
    AKA <table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>redruM</table>

    vs Furious

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    vs EMERGEnc

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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by AntonioMontana
    this is real hott.......well written wit vocab and structure, i liked the rhyme scheme you used, emotional throughout the piece which made it deep. i think you should experiment a little more with multis, thatll bring something to the piece which will impact it greatly, and make it an even better read. very enjoyable, stay up, good work
    thanks man, if you could leave some feed on The First martyr, the link is in my sig. that peice has a larger porportion of mulites. thanks and enjoy.

    uppin for more feed homies.

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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mak P
    Very well done. I liked the whole concept and the way you told it was very good. I could actually feel myself in that soldiers mind state and unlike past Om's where it goes like "We miss you give glory to our soldiers" thing your OM really makes the reader go "Damn" na mean. Thw whole leaving your family and sacrifice was good.

    Now for the technical aspects. The vocab was aight, not great but better than many. In parts the imagery shone but others it draped a lil. Structre was good in parts but lost form in tohers. However the backbone of a topical is emotion and this had emotion in abundance. A very well written emotive piece, Kudos.

    this is nuff siad very well witten with nice diviations of creativity and nice strucutre man really well done!

    hall of fame
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    Written Voices

  12. #12
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    thanks for the feed man. uppin for some more homies.

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  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mc pyro.'s Avatar
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    wow amazin peice right here the emotion you can feel easily it just come out perfectly makes you feel bad for soldiers and shit vocab was ill in this consistent with that very deep and complex to gets ya to think i like that about a peice the flow went along with the topic well also consistent with that multi's coulda been better but the peice was so good it didn't matter i'd give it 10/10 great job
    leave feed on my om pureness
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  14. #14
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    thanks uppin

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  15. #15
    Soule
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    *One mother fucking word*

    Dope.

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