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Thread: Just Woke Up.

  1. #16
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Responded to Reggichang's piece and $inister
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  2. #17
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Well let me up it one last time for the weekend.. see you all on monday
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  3. #18
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    I liked, but I think I agree with Feeble. This will probably be the first and last time I'll comment on anyone's structure hurting their flow because it did in your case. I had to actually re-structure it in my head because I find it virtually impossible for you to have bad flow after reading your previous pieces and it turned out that it was just your structure. Stop breaking up your lines so much when the flow hasn't been altered. . it makes things more complicated. Anyway, I'm feeling the personal attachment to the piece. I liked the first person narrative also. No imagery, but it wasn't necessarily needed because you're living the imagery (double meaning). Basically, there's nothing fairy tale about it. I'm feeling it.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  4. #19
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    I hear what you are saying about the structure.. but to be honest, this was a spoken word piece for a writing group i am in. I realize the flow is off... and i did that on purpose. You guys both know i can write an entire piece without the flow breaking once. This was more for me. Something i needed to say... BUT... with that being said... You know i respect your feedback.. both of you. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  5. #20
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    Interesting piece, vocabulary usage was nice as long with your choice of words. I feel that your chioce of words kept this flowing well because the structure was a kinda fucked up but the words you chose I felt kept in flowing nicely. The imagery was dope! It's late at night here and your opening made me want to fall a sleep not in a boring way but you just depicted it nicely. Stuck topic well, really an overall good peace.

    And Im here far away from the days of the past.
    My eyes wide open.. FINALLY..
    .. I've awoken with hope and laughs.
    And she knows she has my heart closed in her grasp.
    I Gasp..
    No longer am I staring at the back of my eyelids
    No longer is defening silence blaring inside Rich
    Because of her..
    Im reminded of why I was blinded
    She is the light that shined and guided..
    Showed me the path when i couldnt find it.
    Favorite part, dope

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...05#post4637505
    ^Hit that up please

  6. #21
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Sam.i.am's Avatar
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    good work
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  7. #22
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    This piece was exactly what I expected from you, pure dopeness. Hell to be honest I don't even like the topic, I usually hate emotional- lovie-dovie pieces, but I can't front if its dope its dope, thought the content isn't something I tend to enjoy....hmmmm...in this case you proved to be the exception. Flawless flow as always, the structure didn't really bother me, but then again structure rarely does. Your content, though sappy, was jammed pack with all the essentials need to make this a great piece, which it was, which I enjoyed, which will probably never happen again, so enjoy it trick...lol! Anyways, man I'm still waiting on our collabo...In the mean time keep doing what you do so well - dropping incredible threads.

    Favorite lines:
    "For taking a Miss who was as fake as you
    But I couldn't shake the view...
    My eyes were blinded by love's shaded hue..
    So I faded to.. A miserable mixture of grey & blue..
    The perfect picture of what a waste will do
    I was searching for answers in a haze of clues"

    Its weird...just when I think your about to run out of functional rhymes and decent wording and just force the issue by posting whateverness...you hit me with a sucker-punch and drop some perfect placement. Your one of the best at stringing lines together (whatever that means)...man you spit glue, everything just always fits effortlessly.
    Last edited by LedgenZ; June 24th, 2006 at 12:13 PM

  8. #23
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    right, i understand what youre saying about the structure as feeb and nique mentioned, i wondered why your lines were like that, but as you explained yourself i understand, being a spoken piece. the multis are what attracted me to this piece the most, and as nique said, theres nothing fairy tale about it your concept was on point i very much enjoyed the read, excellent piece
    AKA <table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>redruM</table>

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  9. #24
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    agh yeah nice lil multi chains flowin u got....... flow was poetic n rythmic......
    wording was good w/ clarity detailed. emotion was good for such a short space......
    yeah moved at fast pace for me. and flow went hectic w/ those ill internal r's..
    dope creativity f'sho. was entertaining the way you dealt w/ the subject

    keep em up

    1

  10. #25
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the replies
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  11. #26
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Uppin this shit
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  12. #27
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Yooooooooo
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  13. #28
    I rather enjoyed it.. it pulled me through from start to finish.. and I can really relate.

  14. #29
    Cool Peace Man.. I Like It

  15. #30
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
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    Thanks
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

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