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Thread: The Setup (George Bush) PT 1 Short PLEASE FEEDBACK

  1. #1
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    The Setup (George Bush) PT 1 Short PLEASE FEEDBACK

    Finally discoverin da world is governed by fakes covered by Satan grace
    I take da 8th n splatter da faceless face of anyone of takes this place/
    Athiest bastards, twin towers blasted, now da worlds mad at afgans
    Bush? A sad man, i say strap-his-hands, wit-gats-dat-jam, and send em ta afganistan.
    Leadin The Nation?..... Deployin soldiers wit only basic trainin..See da loss da states is takin?
    When The White House was da only place-dat-da-planes-made-a-mistake-in-grazin?
    Rollin-up-Haze-And...Thinkin bout different wayz in my residence plottin ta end Bush as president
    When its evident we will neva-get soldiers back, oil contacts is bushes only relevance.
    How careless will da devil-get? Racist blatant statements made to erase the nations many races, Face it our leaders tasteless....
    ...The Greatest...

  2. #2
    Dope Inc.
    Guest
    this was short, topic was very similar to whats popular
    ya flow was ok.....rhyme scheme was good multies were too
    vocab was acctucally pretty impressive overall this wasnt bad
    keep at it man.

  3. #3
    фφ▼Çômplε¤*Thεorïε§▼ φф COMPLEX*DREAM's Avatar
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    DAAAMMMMMNNNNNN that was pretty nice vocab, mulyies were nice vocab was pretty good. I acually liked this keep up the gud work you might wanna stop using da alot tho but w/e nice OM

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  4. #4
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    Too short of a piece, you didn't choose a good topic, this doesn't look like an open mic to me...I didn't like it, I've seen this topic used in a different way where it was good, you need to choose different topics, and fix your structure, it was hard to read at some parts, make your pieces longer, and more interesting, I wasn't into this piece at all...

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Detroitspitta655
    Too short of a piece, you didn't choose a good topic, this doesn't look like an open mic to me...I didn't like it, I've seen this topic used in a different way where it was good, you need to choose different topics, and fix your structure, it was hard to read at some parts, make your pieces longer, and more interesting, I wasn't into this piece at all...

    I can take criticism, but that piece was off the top...Plus it flowed, learn to read it. or u must have no rhytm but ur critcism is appreciated
    ...The Greatest...

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