"Me, Myself, and Him" ft IL Duce

[Opus]

Opus - Itallics
Regular - IL Duce

I stumble into the hallway after a long weary drunken night out
My vision blinded by cloudy waves as everything seems like a dream
I rest my twitching hand uneasily on the banister of the oak stair
I rub my hand across my face to try and come to reality of the situation
But yet again it is met with a drunken stumble and an angry mumble
Jack Daniel's took the lead and ran
away with two strands of equilibrium.
with every new marionette given motion,
I lost another step and met the sands
of yesterday's hourglass mascurade.

I slowly made my way, through the dark shadowed hall
But the voices that spun loudly around me forced me to stall
Whispers now flowed through the hall, echoing silently in my ear
"sclábh an dabhal" the voices whispered now getting loader by the minute.
The walls now dripping savagely with bright red blood
The walls now speaking a dark native tongue which forced me to listen

sclábh an dabhal

sclábh an dabhal

sclábh an dabhal

sclábh an dabhal


I'm am your center stage; Ode to the insane.
The violins of Him splinter the marble
thought as percussion winters rain.
Spitting blood on mirror image,
as my eyes seek refuge under batting
covers from the monsters in my head.
Whisper, Whisper, whisper-whisper
sclábh an dabhalsclábh an dabhalsclábh an dabhal sclábh an dabhal!


My mind now burning with satanic hymns, voices and prayers.
Each whisper slicing my soul like a dark satirical blade
The Devil is in my house.....THE DEVIL IS IN MY HOUSE!
I scream I shout, my high pitched calling rang far and out
The walls closing ever closer to me, barricading me with no escape
Each voice talking at a different time causing mind burning rape
I fall to my weary knees, my legs were to weak to keep me standing
The terrifying whispers became louder and louder, until it became chanting
The echoes giggled in rounds,
pronouncing on the back most conscious.
Rape My Body! This Skin is His!
I sat in the corner; a pool of self
held the music of the ever shallow;
sipping essence in insignificance.
Hell on earth was in he who bares it...

I am he who I forever hate.

[IL Duce]

edit:

[~SILENT~]

Nice poem. Now I see IL what you were saying about the meta's. I'm going to start using them now. It makes your piece look & sense the word's stronger. Both had nice drop's which were worked together. It is almost as if one person did it. Because usually when two people do it the second person goes off. But this was on topic & good. It also had a good sense of imagery and use of vocab. & yes I know poem's don't have to rhyme, which makes it more interesting like reading a deep story. Overall nice piece in my perspective.

`pz.

[Opus]

hoping we could get some mo feed on this

[Witty]

first of all I would like to say that I absolutely LOVED the concept of this peice,the topic was well chosen and very original....the way you both worked together was also very impressive, and even more so when you consider that it is over the internet,you wrote like you were sitting beside each other while writing this. I loved the way you added them words into this Poem it made it so much more interesting,a very well thought of idea, and my congratulations to whoever came up with that idea. It is very hard for me to pick which person I thinkwas better because I genuinely loved all verse,although sometime Dyl your lines seemed a bit stretched and Opus your lines were short which is how I usually write as well,but sometimes in this poem the short lines knocked the flow off a little bit. But yea all in all this was a very good peice and I loved reading it. Keep at it,props to you both.

[Opus]

thank you very much, and duce came up with the concept so props to him

[TNE]

Some deep shit. Creative concept. I like it a lot, very original. The metephores are very strong in this piece too. I see what you mean by that. It makes the words stronger and on point. Props.

[Opus]

bumpity

[Witty]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297557

rtf please

[IL Duce]

I want some more feed on this

[Opus]

yo this should win an award

[Tripz5]

....man fuck the beef.. rhymes dont have to rhyme.. poems ae suppose tomean suntin.. have a stong concept.. good shyt man.. unlike some poems i def read it to the end.. keep theunique shyt up.. check my sig.. holla

[NaS]

who said it gotta be a poem.. cant be a story?..

[Opus]

what r you taling about? the sectionz for poems

[Poeta Demonio]

Piece in general:
I loved the concept (not the direct concept. but the way you approached it was origional and you made it your own)... the sinister feel to it was well played on, you both made your reader feel uneasy about reading further, which in a sinister piece is a really good factor.

Ill:
I loved the simplicity of your lines, yet att eh same time they called out to me with the imagery used and the metaphorical terms were of the hook... your structure needs a little bit of work, but in all honesty personally i don't care about structure as to me the content is the most important factor to be considered, the general flow and eligance of each line also set this poem of to a good start for me, i feel you held yourself back from your best writing though, which kind of dissapointed me, but at the same time i still loved your word here dude. you ahve a real ability, but you jsut need to shut the fuck up with whinning and realise that you are an extremely talented writer and you have allot of potential to be an azazing writer leaving your audience in awe. all in all for you well done.

Opus:
I feel you got the exact emotion and feeling of the topic down to a T... The imagery used was so vivid in my mind that i could almost invision being in that sittuation... i feel you are the more experienced poet here, you seem to have a large understanding of what makes a good poem great... and i think in time you will be an amazing writer, i mean amazing... the only thing i'd say to you, is maybe you shouls use a few more complex attributes to your pieces such as assonance, alliteration, and a few more metaphors that grab an audience, i saw a few metaphors that were rather good though, but i feel they need a little work.

Well donw to both, i thurally enjoyed this read, especially on a topic that appeals to me anyway as i write fairly demonic lol.