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Thread: War of the mind

  1. #1
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    War of the mind

    Every man dies. Not every man really lives.
    - William Wallace


    Actions are usually irratational intentions,
    A masked distinction fused between reactions and decisions,
    A path of friction hidden and we don't fathom its persistence,
    But the randomness of living leaves a cramp in its commitments,
    See He managed what is given, but longed for what is not,
    And frantically envisioned, but mourned for what He got,
    So He formed another plot in hopes of beating the odds,
    But frequent defeats increased with every decrease in nods,
    Seeking a dream that only He believed was hard,
    A sequence of falls that He only redeemed through God,
    Unseemingly seen as flawed through the eyes of those,
    Who never confide or had to live by why's or hope,
    He tried to cope, but life is harsh with its blatant views,
    The rage engraved was due when His impatience grew,
    His days were slaved for you, and
    Pain being tamed was through,
    And hate related phases would spew just CRAVING to,
    Be considered apart of anything, but nameless groups,
    Faceless troop just awaiting to escape the news,
    But those breaking the ways are few,
    And far between,
    And He starts to see the margin in His farthest dreams,
    They flow apart in streams, and we parade in the sickness,
    Where tears and happiness become so vague in the difference,
    Shameless admitting to our faults, but we seek eternity,
    While we misread His trangressions and fights. . .internally,
    Now currently, it's our choice to explore our kind,
    That weeps for War, but ignore the gripping force of minds,
    The specific source our lives use as a vision to die with,
    That caused His misses and blindness,
    Timed life living as lifeless,
    Ticking, restricted, sliced, ripped,
    . . . . we're thinking it's over,
    With evey dead brain cell reminscent of soldiers,
    See He's the victim in order, and we're drenched in the odor,
    Witness a business where emotions are fenced in its borders,
    Vision drifts in the water, never a brief or stressed glare,
    While he dies, and never gets to breathe the fresh air.

    -Nique.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    T.P
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    Nice read


    Actions are usually irratational intentions,
    A masked distinction fused between reactions and decisions,
    A path of friction hidden and we don't fathom its persistence,
    But the randomness of living leaves a cramp in its commitments,


    I thought ^this was a perfect way to begin your piece. i always struggle to begin my pieces exactly how i would want them to begin. . so for me i thought this was great

    ...Loved your descriptions of his mindstate and how you manged to keep your flow on point throughout without affecting your content, particuly in this part

    He tried to cope, but life is harsh with its blatant views,
    The rage engraved was due when His impatience grew


    Yup. Oh and that William Wallace quote is one of my favourites

    Have a look at this. .
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&page=1&pp=15
    Last edited by TProphet; June 16th, 2006 at 08:31 PM

  4. #4
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    Thanks.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  5. #5
    -Arts Form of Humanity
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    Nique you're a very special writer and this piece was dope as fuck. I'm a fan of your style, with a complex vocabularly and lots of multies to keep the flow going without affecting the content. I was also very glad you didn't encrypt this with some weak subliminal message or central metaphor like this piece I read in which a man going skiing and 'frolicking in snow' represented him sniffing coke

    'His days were slaved for you, and
    Pain being tamed was through,
    And hate related phases would spew just CRAVING to,'

    ^I don't know whether that was intentional but it really reminded me of an alchoholic trying to recover from his illness but still literally dying for a drink. The image of Jack Torrance from The Shining sprang to mind. I loved your metaphors and semantic references to do with war.

    'Be considered apart of anything, but nameless groups,
    Faceless troop just awaiting to escape the news,'

    In my opinion this piece was Hall of Fame, and I'm going to nominate it. It was a very engrossing read and though it was long it kept me interested throughout. Your excellent flow and use of internal rhyme and assonance was maybe the reason for this. Well done Nique, great piece.

    Peace
    Written Voices.
    Verbal Intercourse.

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    Actions are usually irratational intentions,
    A masked distinction fused between reactions and decisions,
    A path of friction hidden and we don't fathom its persistence,
    But the randomness of living leaves a cramp in its commitments,
    OMFG... I loved this part.

    I don't think I have ever read any of your previous work. But, I will be looking to see more. You have a wonderful talent. You had good imagery and it's rare that I can find peices where I can paint a picture with the words.
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  7. #7
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    Ty.
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  8. #8
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Nice read. No, great read.


    I loved this piece, and how it was completed with the quote at the beginning, and how it gave some leeway to what you were about to talk about in the piece. I need not explain which part I loved the most, because two or three people above me have already explained that.

    Your vocab was nice in places, yet I found your structure consistent in some spots, yet it wasn't that tidy in others. But, whatever 'cause it didn't take away from the emotion of your piece.

    Nice one. I wonder if all transverstites write this good.

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  9. #9
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    Haha, thanks.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  10. #10
    bestdeepthroatalive
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    this should be in the hall of fame

  11. #11
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    Oh so this is what you do when your not fighting crime. Seriously you had some real superpower flows going on in this piece. I must say I am very impressed with the level of skill that you write with. I felt completely at ease when reading this post, the way it flowed was almost suductive, it was very easy to get caught up in the scheme of you you content. Like I said, very impressive.

    Favorite lines:
    See He managed what is given, but longed for what is not,
    And frantically envisioned, but mourned for what He got,

    ^Pefectly worded!!!


    Also:
    Unseemingly seen as flawed through the eyes of those,
    Who never confide or had to live by why's or hope,

    ^Damn nique your not playing with the gab are you....?

    Great piece......peace!

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