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Thread: Rhyming 101 Elevation Chamber.(WARNING Sic)

  1. #1
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    Exclamation Rhyming 101 Elevation Chamber.(WARNING Sic)

    Rhyming 101 Elevation Chamber

    Nouns spill from my bowels as the page fills w/ vowels
    Consonant’s flipped instantly, verb’s slung viciously
    Deliciously dissimilar, no simile describes this seminar
    Perimeter’s unknown, emit fire & brim, foes become stone
    Tones tweaked… making bones creak arthritically
    Drone speech; clone each line from the mind rhythmically
    Critically complex, I shock more vets than bomb threats
    Contest affirmed unsound, hoodwinks hurl them guns down
    Sun’s out summers in, thought it would never come again
    I persist linking introspect thinking leaving eyelids blinking
    No chink in my chainmail, brains swell w/ the same spell
    The cause your fame fell: the games hell coz mine came well
    Pain held bottled like wine, turned to prime example shines
    Blinds the iris, as Beelzebub pirates mastermind a virus
    Fresh out the soapbox, subliminal pops dupe you as robots
    Dope spots flourish, low esteemed seek highs for courage
    Keep open eye for info, things go ill as kingpins slay kinfolk
    & sling jokes w/ grim yokes that can even begin oaths
    Grossly fragmented, ghostly sentiment is mostly demented
    Invented as an icon, dicing w/ the vices I could die from
    I spawn transmit a verse, & smirk as the pope kiss the dirt
    Berserk indeed earth hurts in need; can we curb our greed?
    Or, preserve the seed that grows, mend this bleeding nose
    Leaking flows sift thru concrete rifts on this blazing coast


    Word born







  2. #2
    Los Milagros Stunee's Avatar
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    nice. Structure was perfect, it was a good flow. Vocabulary and word play was good. No imagery and I kinda got lost trying to figure out what the whole thing was about...then I forgot part of the title was Rhyming 101, lol. Caught a few metas in there, so over all I liked it, good shit. Peace.

  3. #3
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  4. #4
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    27 reads and 1 feed
    aiite aiite
    i'm being hated on f'sho


    FUCK YA'LL

    1

  5. #5
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Why'd you "word" me?

    Anyway...nice shit, Red.

    I used to rhyme with that style a couple years back...

    Two rhymes on the same line...
    Gets confusing though...and fucks up flow a bit...when you change up like this...

    No chink in my chainmail, brains swell w/ the same spell
    The cause your fame fell: the games hell coz mine came well


    And...

    Keep open eye for info, things go ill as kingpins slay kinfolk
    & sling jokes w/ grim yokes that can even begin oaths


    I mean...why go from two rhymes a line to a multi-filled bar?

    But aside from that...the content was pretty fuckin good, dude.
    Nice message...

    Fairly dope.

    Peace

  6. #6
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    yeah thanx for the lookout Born

    did i 'word you' whats that...


    yeah i see what u mean w/ the jumbled rhymes. was just kind of how it came to me

  7. #7
    ..Own You
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    Wow.. Nice Peice

    The Topic Was Well Chosen And Well Thought About While You Was Writting It. The Flow & Structure Were Good, Along With The Dope Vocab Used, You Had This On Point With The Topic Red, Seriously. Everything Is On Point With Everything Else.. Nice Work.

  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    this was quite a good peice,I liked the way you had two rhymes on each line, that was definitely an interesting factor of this OM. The flow was very fast paced which I like in a drop...structure wasgood as well,extremely easy to read. I wouldn't say you had 'dope' vocab I'd say it was average considering how good it has been in your previous drops. I think you should have made a a little bit longer,because it seemed to end far too quickly in my opinion....and I couldn't really fully get in to this peice like I usually do with your work. I wouldn't say this was a bad peice (not by any means) I just don't think it is up to the standard of some of the other peices you have dropped on this site. But yea it was still an interesting read,and it is obvious that the talent is still there,just wasn't your best peice ever is all. keep at it dude. peace.


    Return The Favour
    Last edited by Witty; June 18th, 2006 at 03:26 PM

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  9. #9
    bestdeepthroatalive
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    i didnt like this one
    the rhymes were boring
    why would you want to only rhyme one line

  10. #10
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bestrapperalive
    i didnt like this one
    the rhymes were boring
    why would you want to only rhyme one line
    stfu you herb

    sorry for the freepost Ninja but this dude gets on my nerves

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  11. #11
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    honestly this piece was off the chain i personally enjoy multis the most above all other styles of rap, which yours contained plenty, vocab was on point i had to read it a couple times to fully take it in, your topic was tight ive never seen that attempted before, im either not smart/experienced enough to see anything you did wrong or that shit was just on point, very enjoyable, stay up


    word
    AKA <table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>redruM</table>

    vs Furious

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  12. #12
    Newbie Nastra L's Avatar
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    this shit was hott

  13. #13
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    safe

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