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Thread: Why Does Love Change Everything?

  1. #1
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    Why Does Love Change Everything?

    Mistaken story reverberated, debatable outcome falsely dictated,
    Sourness scorching a poisoned tongue, the sub-plot diluted yet concentrated,
    Burnt ear drums sorely sedated through words hypocritically translated,
    Lies bleeding from a deceptive mind while the truth's silent; deflated.
    How can malice spring from splendid things and evil sleep unearthed?
    Until the world awakens with a jolt and urge to quench a malefic thirst,
    What is worst, no sifting process eliminates that foolish hope,
    Your childhood's faith and naivety that fails to extend to an adult scope.
    Oh why does love render hearts so blind and minds so free to stray?!Fall on miserable conclusions and obscure what we otherwise would say,
    To save ourselves from lonliness, convince our brains of what's displayed,
    And conveyed to us through flowers and gifts in a colourful array
    You show outward affection, to the world an infallable disguise,
    Long to kiss and caress in public, each night I die a little inside.
    For your betrayal which I supposed was right you boistrously denied,
    And I believed you, with my heart and soul, even though I saw it in your eyes.
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone

  2. #2
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    I'm not on my own profile at the moment I'm just using my brothers so I'll post the links to my replies soon, I'm just making a CD, though I must say it doesn't suprise me that as of yet nobody has replied.
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone

  3. #3
    Los Milagros Stunee's Avatar
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    I can feel the emotion on this one. The first half was a little off structure, but the other bottom half flowed perfect. Good use of vocab and word play. I lost the point of the story, but I felt it. Nothing major, but if you correct the structure a bit it'll be set. Nice work.

  4. #4
    The Drama Club
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    Meh liked this. Flow was nice.Wordplay visible. Imagery was nice. Storyline was able to follow.

    This was good.
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.

  5. #5
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    thanks for the comments
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone

  6. #6
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    complexity was very good..good vocab

    this was short but still pretty nice.

    rhymes were nice and overall this was good.

  7. #7
    Newbie Blu Hefner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallenAngel
    Meh liked this. Flow was nice.Wordplay visible. Imagery was nice. Storyline was able to follow.

    This was good.

    yea i agree with this, only thing daz i disagree with iz da story
    i did not realy understand where u was comin from
    da story was a lil confusin from ma point of view
    da wordplay & Ryhmes used were great, real good
    had a good emotional feel also

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