Hm, you can do a little better with the vocab but all in all it was really good. Nice set up, major props on that. Also good job with picking a topic that everyone can relate to, it was a good read. Dope on it. Keep writing, I'm going to keep looking out for more of your work.
thanks for the advice and encouragement dude,it's appreciated.
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uppity
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all honesty, a little rocky in the beginning man. the style kind of threw me off, it was a bit weary at times. but eventually after a couple lines, you stayed on something consistant and started with that storyline. it wasn't a basic storyline, but it wasn't creative. Nahmean? like, i think this is more of a played out movie subject than anything. It's the outcome of most actions in movies or something. don't get me wrong, shit was nice. you threw in a couple multies/internal rhymes here and there but not a whole lot considering that your style was very much so different from most. I like the originality of the way you wrote it, i just thought the storyline was almost predictable and creative at the same time. it didn't really shock me. yes, sad story. yes, very well written. but no, topic seemed lazily picked out. Nontheless, a really good job, and i couldn't ask for any more of you. Obviously, this is the reason you're with our crew, and obviously you're a good writer. Keep up the good work, i expect sick and twisted next time..
Sorry i didn't get around to commenting earlier, got a little caught up. thanks for the read, hook me up with a link anytime and i'll critique it when i can. pz.
word dude I know what you mean.Originally Posted by Cry
all honesty, a little rocky in the beginning man. the style kind of threw me off, it was a bit weary at times. but eventually after a couple lines, you stayed on something consistant and started with that storyline. it wasn't a basic storyline, but it wasn't creative. Nahmean? like, i think this is more of a played out movie subject than anything. It's the outcome of most actions in movies or something. don't get me wrong, shit was nice. you threw in a couple multies/internal rhymes here and there but not a whole lot considering that your style was very much so different from most. I like the originality of the way you wrote it, i just thought the storyline was almost predictable and creative at the same time. it didn't really shock me. yes, sad story. yes, very well written. but no, topic seemed lazily picked out. Nontheless, a really good job, and i couldn't ask for any more of you. Obviously, this is the reason you're with our crew, and obviously you're a good writer. Keep up the good work, i expect sick and twisted next time
Sorry i didn't get around to commenting earlier, got a little caught up. thanks for the read, hook me up with a link anytime and i'll critique it when i can. pz.
I was trying to get away from my usual sick and twisted drops lol
but word thanks a lot man.
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i really liked it it was nice and short it felt like i was watching it or i was there 1 of the best topicals i read in a long time this was very good you had a lot fo creative words and used alot of meanings they could be a little bit longer though probably about 3 more lines and the structure and position of the text was good
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