Cloud Ten

[Facts Machine]

I don't love you, but you're an eternal light upon stress
The unexpected raw sex was flawless, All this with a strong kiss
Before me, have you ever done it raw? "yes" was her response it
Doesn't upset me, But it turns me on when she's honest
We're not the average couple that sees each other everyday
A few times a week to keep from arguing, It's sent astray
So we befriend delays, We can't get sick of our faces now
We take a bow, make the vow, trace the clouds to erase the plow
Cause if we're up here, We won't shred if we discourse & hark
And I Noah way to survive this flood; To aboard the Ark
When I thought I lost my dignities, You must've found them
This warm luminosity stabs cloud nine so we jump to cloud ten
Lean against my chest with passion, We stayed passed the dree
As you listen to my heart, Your ear drums get played rapidly
You found my virginity, My soul bends if we're cold and swollen
Our conversations are never slippery, We can always hold them...

It's like our minds reach outer space, Moon's craters make it wreathen
Doom favors fakes and peasants who later face ammendments
I'm Earth, you're the Sun or vice versa, my penis is Venus
Your vagina is Uranus, Heh, you smiled like i believed i'd see it
And I'm not the fancy type to buy you a ring yet, You're not Saturn
Dispersing materialism since it spots hazards of rocked bad burns
The chances of breaking up are smallest like Pluto's lucid spur
Those who doubt are stupider, Our deflection's largest like Jupiter
Desires intersect fumes, We go with the flow like Neptune's spars
Let the progression of the essence bless two stars, She rescued Mars
Certainly serven me, worken we hurt the curse lurken, they burst and flee
Nobody can steal our relationship, Not even Mercury

Truth is, I do love you, I'm just not in love with you
My gratitude is granted with a grasp... of this view
I'm not used to this, I tend to doubt quickly
Hence you're the eternal light that went out... with me


Writer's Notes:
This is based on truth and is dedicated to my girl. It's not your average girlfriend-related love song for the simple fact i'm not your average lyricist so fuck off if you expected a "i be thuggin mami, we could hit the club, we could fuck if you show me some love" type of bullshit song. BTW i'd be happy to return the favor if you leave your link.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4486300
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...37#post4486337

[Anov L. Idea]

Okay, well let me just start off this feedback, by saying...

Good heart.

You come from a point of view most of us can understand, but you throw in your own elemental style.

The flow is perfect at times, and in others.. not so.

Overall, a good read, and an enjoyable OM. The explanation at the end was really not needed though, I don't see how a moron could not see poetry when I do.

Very, good, good switching on styles, presentation was well done. Just overall a good feeling while reading.

Keep it real..

Also could you get this? lol

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292652

[ELEETE]

I don't love you, but you're an eternal light upon stress
The unexpected raw sex was flawless, All this with a strong kiss
Before me, have you ever done it raw? "yes" was her response it
Doesn't upset me, But it turns me on when she's honest

-This intro alone is what hooked me, an im drunk as fuck, but these four lines swallowed my interest into reading the entire piece...this piece has a lot of emotion an devotion in it, everything incorporated in this piece made this great poetry...I personally rank this amongst one of my favorite reads on RB in a minute cause you captured my exact experience with someone...Much props man, loved this piece...peace...

If you get a chance hit me back on my latest...its straight lyrics from an audio piece...I appreciate it...thanks bro...

These Are The Times - ELEETE
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293356

[Mic.]

this was a tight peice. interesting, creative and different.
flow was smooth throughout. good rhymes and multies.
vocab, complexity and imagery was dope throughout.
good peice overall keep it up. i enjoyed reading it.

[Facts Machine]

Thanks all of you.

[Technique]

i really enjoyed reading this piece. You included some deep emotion to go with your good lyrics good stuff. Also i nice use of wordplay which i always like to see lol. You made the flow good throughout the piece which was good overall this piece was hot man keep it up peace

[Facts Machine]

cool C00L.

[Facts Machine]

uppin.
more reads would be great for this.

[Engivale]

I just want to say that usually I don't read these things when they're kind of long cuz I'd rather people keep their open mics kind of short if its possible, but this one kept up a feeling I've had in my life before, and hell I was writing about girls tonight anyways, I hope you go look at it, be called "Get this taste outta my mouth" in Open Mic. I think that your entire song was pretty damn good, all the way throughout it continued a good scheme. I just didn't like the part where you went through the solar system for metaphors over and over to the point of no return. Other than that removable piece, good song.