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Thread: "1st to Graduate"

  1. #1
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    "1st to Graduate"

    His eyes shoot upward towards the sun-illuminated sky
    Then he looks at his mother, who now is beginning to cry
    12 years have given him all that he can claim
    Knowledge, street and books, has become his game
    Had been subject to harassment by others, sometimes harsh
    Had to live up his family’s history, which sadly had been dark
    Youngest of 4 brothers, yet carries the responsibilities of the rest
    Had to pick up a brother from jail, then come home and study for a test
    Wasn’t easy for him, growing up in the hood
    But determination prevailed over hardships the best it could
    He eyes the red carpet strewn over the green grass
    The checks and readjusts the placement of his crimson sash

    “Kyeshia Green...”

    Beginning to perspire, He knows he’s the next person to step to the podium
    And in 3 months, will leave the carnage, leave all the fucking’ pandemonium


    “Dontarius Woods...”

    Foot after foot, he proudly begins his walk to the stage
    Knowing this diploma will begin a new page
    In his life, being the first of his family
    To graduate, and now he’ll go to Grambling...

    He hears everybody clapping as he grasps the white bundle
    Of paper that will get him out of this Drug-Infested Jungle
    Grinning, with joy overflowing, he eyes his dear mother
    Then spots his other siblings, who are so proud of their brother
    He recollects memories, and then understands why with him their so infatuated
    Because now they can claim: “My son...My brother...He has graduated”...

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  2. #2
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  3. #3
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    okay this is a good piece all-in-all... i saw some minor flaws in it but that can be overcome simply by practice... the flow of ur piece was nice... an original topic in my opinion, there have been others like this but not quite the same... good story telling, that helped me enjoy this piece alot more... you really need to work on structure, the flow was okay in this piece so it covered for the lack of structure skills but really try to work on it... the rhymes were good, i would really like to see some more multis... you stayed on topic well but i would rather have had this piece to have more length to it so you can have more room to show a little bit of emotion... all in all keep it up... if u could check out my new piece Gone Fishing it would be greatly appreciated

    ~1~

  4. #4
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    I will before long...rise..

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    wack
    If you wanna die, fuck wit me...............BITCH

    betarecords.com/da.furm

  6. #6
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    stfu I own you son.

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  7. #7
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    to the top...

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  8. #8
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    rise for feed

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  9. #9
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
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    to the top...

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

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