O, Indianapolis

[..IllThoughtZ..]

O Indianapolis,
Broken existence.
Absent to popularity, what is this name that hides
like a diamond in the roughest sands...weak in
every aspect of the word progression.How might
the cities homely touch disturb the peace in God's
jurisdiction? Never so, for everyone has an
obligation to one another...never separated,everything
is brought together like gravity to make one great
harmonic abode. Downtown's monument circle; a
representation of a persistance in the people-
to strive with dignity and grace searching for the
American Dream.
Unity.
Family.
Happiness.
These things are all prerequisites. We reside in the
center of all problems, advancements, and most
significant; the people.
O Indianapolis,
Slow progression.
Lost in your own righteous minds, you indulge
in unknown priveleges-for that, I envy you so. As
the clock ticks your world begins to collide and spin
like the tornadoes in the spring-

Leaving ashes and blossoms.

[Wyte]

in my opinion this one sucked, but u can inprove much, work on ur rhyming skillz a bit

[..IllThoughtZ..]

^^^^^^^^^^^^No.
Can anybody with real feedback plz do so...

[~SaDe~]

short piece.
but good shit honestly
the way you wrote it was good
and the topic wanst too borin but you brought out the topic pretty good and had some good wording to this shit you might be good at writing poems to some another subject as well so in the future i hope to see more frm you and make it hot
good shit

[Freeney]

I think im gonna like this more than any one else because I too am reppin Naptown......as i was reading i could see everything you was describing and i understood what u were saying about the city in general......i think you could have gone deeper into it but still not bad.

[..IllThoughtZ..]

uppin^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...GodSpeed

[Witty]

well this was quite good,I was loving the steady flow the whole way throught this peice,you have nice structure and the description in this peice was simply outstanding....you have a lot of amazing ability and it is clear from this peice that you have a passion for writing,although you could have done better with your wording in places,but this was a good peice,keep dropping.

[RhymeSwift]

Your Complexity Rules The Scene Here....nice Worplay.but Structure Is The Most Amazing Thing Here.p-e-a-c-e............