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Thread: "Never Let You Down"

  1. #1
    ya dig? LamaGod's Avatar
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    "Never Let You Down"

    the fee binds him, he just cant have a shallow free-mind when
    realizing something other than a shadow’s behind him
    a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for
    even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s
    with the thirst of his first love, he’d go any distance for pleasure
    the instant he met her he promised to be with her forever
    as her red paint-brush lips were quickly making him a art
    that was amazing in the start, now breaking them apart
    to the point of no return, but this one geeks a cold dude
    a bold mack that’ll go back whether or not hes suppose to
    but shes moved on to another, a female lover.. he sees this, its clear
    dripped in tears, hes hit with fears that maybe the bitch is queer
    his nerves have burst, prolly wouldn’t if he had heard of her
    turns into a murderer and burns them with the furniture
    the rooms up in flames, the whole scenario was something lame
    but stuck with blame, he feels a huge amount of fucking pain
    because he loved her, but also cause of a pact he made
    that no matter what, mad or fucked.. he’d treat her ass the same
    with love that is, mostly hug and kiss.. plus caress through town
    his first words, not meant to hurt her were “I’ll never let you down”
    dishonest, he broke his promise, or so it seems at first
    thinking deep gives birth to a way for him to keep his word
    so amongst the fire, noone on earth could call him liar
    he picks her corpse up and holds her till hes engulfed in fire
    UA

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  3. #3
    ya dig? LamaGod's Avatar
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    feed?
    UA

  4. #4
    UGK
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    dude, this shit was ILL. i was really feelin the way you brought about the story. there was good creativity all through out this piece. the flow was real nice and the transitions to other rhymes really help'd it flow well. the concept was good to and the way he muders both of them was ILL and the endin cool to.

    good piece man and keep droppin shit like this. o, leave some feed on this.. its BEEF!
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290435

  5. #5
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion
    intense. shit was well thought up, and VERY well executed at that. surprised that it's getting slept on frankly. it's not the best i've seen but deffinatly above average. dunno if you actually put thought and time into this, or just typed and thought on the spot. but it was good either way. these are the kind of pieces i enjoy reading. your internals/multies are great. storyline was killer.. <literally ..everything about it seemed on point and it wasn't just something you messed around with. great job,

    Hit the "In Memory" OM from me ..it'll prolly be in my sig by the time you read this. peace, thanks for the read.

  6. #6
    ya dig? LamaGod's Avatar
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    thanks guys. I'll get at ya stuff right now.
    UA

  7. #7
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    This was quite good and yeh this had a frustrated/intense feel/look to it. The first four lines made me think about the movie spiderman lol....don't ask me why, just did....however reading the rest quickly changed the feel....from cheap to sadistic...very well done there, more audish stuff here i reckon. Ending was good...overall a good piece but i believe it can be better, can't compare to your previous works as i haven't read em

    Check this out, "The Hidden Diaries: Sinful Greeds", comments will be preciated
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  8. #8
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    this is a great peice, easy to read, flow was outstanding - you had alot of internals. your flow didnt fall off once. your vocab was good, but could be improved a lil. really good topic - wasnt really expecting the end to be quite like that lol, but it was good. you make it seem easy to write somthin like this. i really enjoyed this. good drop. peace.
    "in the event of my demise
    when my heart can beat no more
    i hope i die for a principle
    or a belief that i had lived for
    i will die before my time
    because i feel the shadows depth
    so much i wanted to accomplish
    before i reached my death
    i have come to grips with the possibility
    and wiped the last tear from my eyes
    i loved all who were positive
    in the event of my demise"

    -Tupac Shakur-

  9. #9
    ya dig? LamaGod's Avatar
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    thanks guys

    and I just hit untold's piece up.

    to those who asked for me to leave feed on their pieces please leave a link to it like untold did. Im having trouble finding ya pieces and am a bit lazy. so yea if you want feed in return just leave a link.
    UA

  10. #10
    Banned Ben A. Newly-Rayped's Avatar
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    the fee binds him, he just cant have a shallow free-mind when
    realizing something other than a shadow’s behind him
    a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for
    even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s

    that was dope nice way to opene it

    yo where to start........well i really liked this piece u had put together real well
    ur flow was pretty much perfect thru tha whole piece it maybe fell off at 2 parts
    tha wordplay for this was really good i didnt see it fall off
    ur strutre was ok u shouldve added a good font like new roman or something it wouldve made it look better and maybe even centre it
    ur lines werent stretched but some were a lil long u should work on that
    ur topic was really good i dont rwead to much on this kinda topic soo it was nice to read something diffrent this was a really good piece jus like i said
    plz hit up tha oms in my sig and if u want come check out GTA(link in sig)

  11. #11
    ya dig? LamaGod's Avatar
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    good looks man. getting at it now.
    UA

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! BKPANTHA POET's Avatar
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    Yo Big Ups Fam...4 Real This Was Hot....it Sounded More Like A Song But It Dont Matta....wen I Was Readin' It I Felt Like Eminem Was In My Head Spittin The Verse...not Sayin' Ur Em But The Fact Is Im Givin Mad Props....keep Doin You Fam....i Look Foward To Hearin More.....next Time U Got Something Like This Keep Goin Cuz U'll Get More Descriptive And It My Be In Om Hall.........u Neva Know....holla Back At Me Tho......in The Dark ........some New Shit I Got

  13. #13
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    a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for
    even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s
    with the thirst of his first love, he’d go any distance for pleasure
    the instant he met her he promised to be with her forever
    ^ real vivid lyrics

    thats my favorite part.. keep it coming.. i think maybe u just need to tighten up your flow a little bit and then you'll be set good stuff

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  14. #14
    ya dig? LamaGod's Avatar
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    word gracias guys.
    UA

  15. #15
    Nick Bean
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    good shit

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