...Dear God...

[Ben A. Newly-Rayped]

Dear God

I know you leased my life to my mama…but now Mister she only cries
I’ve been conceived in lust I think…in the fetus I fold and hide
It’s cold inside here Sir, cause this blanket of placenta isn’t warm
She wore her heart on her sleeve for him…but as of now her ribbon’s torn
Now her vision’s scorned I think…for trusting and believing this guy
They were lovers…I’m extra luggage…guess who he’s leaving behind?
I’ll bear heartache for us both…especially when there’s the breach in my spine
As quick as the libido was over parallels my eviction in the blink of an eye
Deep inside is grief, turmoil, and confusion Sir, and I believe she is lost
My folks are both farmers…I’m a bad seed…now they’re reaping the cost
I see that she’s soft, fragile and of a delicate nature…but what about me?
I choked on my umbilical cord writing this letter and never ran around free
I have bad luck Mister, I wasn’t even here for nine months
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, so I guess my time’s up?
My design’s blushed with a funny feeling like being coated with medicine
There goes yet another poke on my head, arms and legs again
This is new to me…it hurts me Mister…I’m watching my fluid leak
I fluently speak of my innocence lost like when Eve discovered nudity
My walls are caving in closer so it’s getting hard to breathe
It’s hard to feel my heart pump Mister…can you show my mom this speech?
Release the weight she holds within…I’m a curse and she needs a cure
She never planned for my forthcoming, right?…guess my blueprints were premature
Find and forgive my father for using lust…and show him your love, Sire
Was that her voice whispering soft regrets?…my lungs are so tired
Next time, if there is one, please put a hesitation on lust on the long nights
Cause I would hate to be a martyr in vain just paying the wrong price
I know you decided this was right or wrong mama…regardless, I was still a choice
Let this be karma for you…

Sincerely,

A Familiar Voice
.
.
.
peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290122
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290086

[tobias]

Man that was scincerly dope thats all i can say , the whole way through ... nice .. on a sad tip................ but like u say its karma to those who understand it fully...........

[Vitalsyn]

why isnt this getting feed? i guess kids just dont appreciate the fact that people are writing their ass off..

anyway,

this peice was definatly enjoyable to read, some lines here and there were a bit strected. the flow got choppy around the edges. the multies were nice tho, good rhyme scheme. i liked how u used "mister" as if a little child was talking with unpracticed english skills. its a sad thing to read, some lines here and there were just straight out like wow.. you definatly put the imagiry in this, the letter idea is played, even tho in my very own open mic i used that concept. all in all tho, it was nice.. keep it up.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...47#post4399447

[Lil J.C.]

im speechless......damn......dats y u my leader nigga dat was dope jus tha whole concept tha metas tha deepness keep up

[P. Mortuus]

This was aight, certain parts were messed with the flow but the description was there. I liked the use of language on certain parts, cosistency was there in the majority however i reckon that even though certain parts were patchy this was a good OM, that maybe required a couple more minutes of work and study. Overall, it was a good OM and i have started expecting good OM's from you that aren't gangster.....Good, keep it up

[Ben A. Newly-Rayped]

thanx for tha feed

uppin some more feedback

[Engivale]

wonderful piece, I enjoyed it beginning to end. I guess I agree with Pakaveli that there were some lines you probably could have looked at again, but all in all the problems were minimal and far outweighed by a well told story with talent apparent. Good job.

[Ben A. Newly-Rayped]

thanx uppin

[Ben A. Newly-Rayped]

upp

[Ben A. Newly-Rayped]

uppin

[detremental.]

This piece I liked. It was kinda hard for me to understand what was actually happening at times so the imagery was off. I like the whole concept of the story though. The vocab was good as well as the flow and structure. The multi's were there also. good work overall. keep it up. also can you leave some feed on my OM in my sig. It's called Crying Soul.

[Ben A. Newly-Rayped]

upp