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Thread: The Hidden Diaries: Sinful Greeds

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    The Hidden Diaries: Sinful Greeds

    Father though art in heaven, yet thy creation is marred
    Tearless skies, fruitless forests, man’s wisdom scarred
    Their visions shrouded, to all but what Lucifer states
    Hell is a sorry fact, wishful thinking of heavenly gates
    Eternal fires fill man’s heart with soulful sin and greed
    Heed nothing, but Lucifer’s blessings as a vital need
    Honeycombs of blood filled with the lavish lust of sin
    Castrated mans being, leaving him so foolish so dim
    The sand granules have fallen, time is but of the essence
    Yet the foolish man leaves faith to stars and clairvoyance
    Tree of knowledge shrivelled, the flawless fruits devoured
    Still no shame, love lost to lust, brave to those who cowered
    Under the influence of Satan, the Devil the accursed
    The demons devour soul and flesh, they quench their thirst

    Orbs of light, once Lords eyes burst at the sight of Man
    Yet no wishes come true, time tightens the reigns in its hand
    Like a banished Balverine, the lord watches through his eyes
    As children are taken to brothels, while flames devour his skies
    Sacrilegious priests bring forth the new religion, a unified faith
    Their God the devil damasked, fêted for bodies and wraiths
    The culture evolves, like a putrid product of a vulture who leads
    To the flesh while he pecks the vision, thus causing sinful greed’s
    The epic battle of the titans, that one lost to another
    Resulted in a bloodbath, dead bodies of one next to the other
    The wilted rose bled the blood of those that graced its being
    Now they’re fleeing, isn’t the eternal meant to be all seeing?
    His creation baptized in fires of hell, bell rings to only tell
    There is no future, the collective civilization crumbled and fell

    The hopeful survivors were sold to Satan by the indebted God
    Devil does show that after every blow, he’ll grow as the only mod
    The creator maimed, by the bastard his only other creation
    The coin has 2 sides, one gave love, the other bestowed annihilation
    Pacifists placate their souls by decapitating Lucifer’s lovers
    Yet they’re abominated to baron fields, as a black cloud hovers
    Above Samaritans who sold their faith and now camouflage
    Their true souls are proof that hellacious harmonies a mirage
    Men are crucified, their bodies sucked dry by deathly leeches
    Others eyes pierced by spear, they scream and their soul screeches
    This is the account of the last drop of knowledge left on Earth
    Adam and Eve had caused man to be a sinner from birth……..

    Cannibalistic needs caused by sinful greed’s
    That come from demonic seeds, man heeds
    His heart bleeds, Eternal ones mistake leads
    To another King on another Throne
    The diary concludes, time stills as stone

    Diary of Stan Amans





    Last edited by P. Mortuus; May 2nd, 2006 at 03:24 PM

  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Kiss me through the camera lens.
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  3. #3
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    Damn What Can I Say, H.o.f Fa Sho, This Peice Had It All Pak, Imma Come Back And Leave Some Decent Ammount Of Feed Ite,

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yeah nice writing pak. good flow. and sum good use of metaphors.
    vocab usage was good. content rolled well. seemed a bit long for a single verse. cudda be broken down a little, or given some line-breaks .......

    yeah had some neat sprinkles of imagery......all in all some dope poetics from u here....

    stay poppin

    1
    .................................................. ......................

  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Preciate it, y'all
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    stay to the toppin'

  7. #7
    INNOCENCE IS BLISS!!! babytori489's Avatar
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    i can honestly say that of all the om's i checked out this has to be one of the best.
    you were real creative and not once did flow go off balance.
    what i liked the most was ur ending about man being sinner at birth.u hit that one on the nail.
    you had some good internal rhyming.
    nothing disappoints me about this piece.
    IM FRESHA THAN A MUFUCKA,YEA IM A MUFUCKA

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  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Preciate ya views, thanks
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  9. #9
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    damn pak like alwayz u hade great vocab my nig...this peice was long but the flow and story was nice so it kept me reading...u threw in some multis every once and a while...hade great dept and that fuckin vocab...only a proper mutha fucker like u couldhave wrote something like this...its hof fo sho...i see you also gave us a few lines from the next peice...ur imagery was good...and ur shit is imaginative as hell...ur alwayz writing aout some deep dark shit...but this was a good peice...

    GOOD JOB NIGGA

  10. #10
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GrimReapa
    damn pak like alwayz u hade great vocab my nig...this peice was long but the flow and story was nice so it kept me reading...u threw in some multis every once and a while...hade great dept and that fuckin vocab...only a proper mutha fucker like u couldhave wrote something like this...its hof fo sho...i see you also gave us a few lines from the next peice...ur imagery was good...and ur shit is imaginative as hell...ur alwayz writing aout some deep dark shit...but this was a good peice...

    GOOD JOB NIGGA

    Preciate it, let's see if the top dogs reckon it good enough for HOF ish

  11. #11
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    dope ass piece bro looked long as hell at first but when i started reading it felt short man this is onne of the best pieces i have seen from you. Nice structure and flow and also a good use of a sorta complex but understandable vocab which is very good cuz i hate om's overflown with words i dont understand, fucks up the read

    overall dope piece

  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Once again preciate ya comments
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  13. #13
    The piece was ok man. Not the best I've seen from you. Felt like maybe with this one you were striving for something alittle too much? Maybe? Anyways, the content and descriptions where creative as always, but what came out as alittle off was the wording for me. It seemed like the content wasn't the typical fluent stream of brilliance that I've grown acustomed to seeing you produce. Rather, you had some awkwardly placed comas that slowed the read and made it harder to hold the flow. Dont get me wrong, the content was very nice, loved this:

    "Tree of knowledge shrivelled, the flawless fruits devoured
    Still no shame, love lost to lust, brave to those who cowered"


    That line was jsut... Wow, can't tell you how much I liked that. But it just seemed again like at times the wording was alittle challenged and I've never seen that problem for you. So the only thing I can thing of is being as you were really trying to get a full piece instead of your usual brief bit of genius, you just over thought what you were doing and as result it kind of showed through the content. The structure in this piece was nice, nothing really to complain about there. I would have liked to see this chopped into a few verses though. Having a lump sum of writing like this is very daunting to a reader and you're really going to scare off alot of potential readers with the sheer length of this. So, easy fix, just find a few good points to break and divide this into ATLEAST two verses, but more reasonably three. So, great job man. And, I'm just being real picky because I feel like you're beyond that "new to Rb" point and you could really become one of Rb's best writers so I've got to push you and really pick apart every little thing. So on standards of most of Rb... Great piece... But for you, you've got more in you and I know it. Stay up and keep at it man.

    Return the favor oooooooon... Hm, lol I dunno what you haven't read,
    Oh... My new Poem, "Hears to the Mute."

    Thanks alot man, keep up the good work.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  14. #14
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Preciate the comments and i'll try sorting out the structure...........I've already check ya new poem lol
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  15. #15
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    I'm surprised no one understood what i meant by
    Diary of Stan Amans

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