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Thread: Save Me

  1. April 23rd, 2006, 01:19 PM #1
    Soule
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    Save Me

    Save me from the fear that you'v caused and all else failed
    Save me from the pain you've brung and time spent in jail
    save me from the tears that you've dripped and blood spilt
    Save me from the hate you've made and from all of your gilt
    Save me from what you call love and what we call rape
    Save me from the apple you poisoned and the poisioned grape
    Save me from your slef and the people you've hired to kill me
    Save me from your rage, put me out of my life and my misery
    Save me from the people taht look up to you and hurt the poor
    Save me from the hours you passed away and the dirty lil whore
    Save me from the bullets you've fired and the bombs you blown
    Save me from this family curse and from what i've seen grown
    Save me from myself and the merders i'm to commit in future
    Save me from the lies i've told, and fellonies onto my computer
    Save me from the planet we've destroyed and people we've killed
    Save me from the devil i've become and the sport i've thrilled

    For i hvae become the devil myself and nothing else is as ugly
    And if I was you, I wouldnt walk up just to attempt to bug me
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  2. April 23rd, 2006, 01:19 PM #2
    Soule
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287957

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288359

    Speak! lol.
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  3. April 23rd, 2006, 02:19 PM #3
    Plain-Thug
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    I like the concept of this peice..it seemed quite poetic and i liked it...
    Your rhymes were nice..multies as well..flow was basically perfect...
    structure was nice also perfect.....overall i liked this peice.....
    it had sum imagery and an interesting topic....good job..keep it up..peace~
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  4. April 23rd, 2006, 04:31 PM #4
    Dukes-A-HaZZaRD
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    Structure wise this was a Real Good Piece... its Seemed alot More Poetic it diddnt seem like u could Put this to a Beat and just Take it from there... The Content was Good though so i can Appreciate work like this... Keep em Comin. 1
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  5. April 23rd, 2006, 05:30 PM #5
    Spoken
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    This was pretty good, i've never seen anyone write there OM/Topical like this b4, pretty creative, your structure was way on point, your vocab, it was iight, not all that good but it was pretty close to good, your imagery was shown well as i read, u had some what emotion in your piece, mainly toward the end, the thing about this verse which made me mad was as i read it my eyes got confused and kept switching lines cuz of each bar having the same beginning, lol, but yo this was still good, keep it up man.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
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  6. April 24th, 2006, 08:05 PM #6
    Soule
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    Wow first time i've had perfect feed back without any shit lol.
    Rise.
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  7. April 24th, 2006, 08:54 PM #7
    Mr.Cyrus
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    gd structure cass i could see my self sayin to dat my chick tryin to get her back lol but dat piece of work was gd wise choice of structure n the rhyming also made it interestin to carry on readin. nice work
    Mr .Cyrus
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  8. April 24th, 2006, 09:06 PM #8
    Mystique
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    Good Structure....Seem more like poetry but fuk it....It brings lots of Imagery....Nice drop Cass
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  9. April 24th, 2006, 09:06 PM #9
    Soule
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    lol rise. Hit up my other OM as well bitch lol.
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  10. April 24th, 2006, 09:13 PM #10
    K.Gee
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Cassidy~
    Save me from the fear that you'v caused and all else failed
    Save me from the pain you've brung and time spent in jail
    save me from the tears that you've dripped and blood spilt
    Save me from the hate you've made and from all of your gilt
    Save me from what you call love and what we call rape
    Save me from the apple you poisoned and the poisioned grape
    Save me from your slef and the people you've hired to kill me
    Save me from your rage, put me out of my life and my misery
    Save me from the people taht look up to you and hurt the poor
    Save me from the hours you passed away and the dirty lil whore
    Save me from the bullets you've fired and the bombs you blown
    Save me from this family curse and from what i've seen grown
    Save me from myself and the merders i'm to commit in future
    Save me from the lies i've told, and fellonies onto my computer
    Save me from the planet we've destroyed and people we've killed
    Save me from the devil i've become and the sport i've thrilled

    For i hvae become the devil myself and nothing else is as ugly
    And if I was you, I wouldnt walk up just to attempt to bug me
    this is good stuff man. Its one of those divine type of rhymes. Either way, i think its great. Not a lot on the multi, but we can all live without that. My favorite bar was...

    Save me from myself and the merders i'm to commit in future
    Save me from the lies i've told, and fellonies onto my computer

    good stuff man. I give its a 8.5 out of 10.
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  11. April 24th, 2006, 09:14 PM #11
    Soule
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    Thnx man lol hit up the sequal.
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  12. April 27th, 2006, 07:57 PM #12
    Soule
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    Rise.
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  13. April 27th, 2006, 08:12 PM #13
    A. Know-phistage
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    Okay Since Every One aint giving you your break down right i guess ill do this shit right.

    Okay Starting Off As Dunno You New? Well You Brought Rb a New Hot Concept. Your Style is unique since every topical yuo have starts like that nice job man.Your Flow was Pretty Nice but try to double check your verse for spelling errors.

    Save me from the people taht look up to you and hurt the poor
    Save me from your slef and the people you've hired to kill me

    yeah similiar errors to most i wouln'd blam yuo for forgetting, But Style Still is fresh and nice. Drop Longer Pieces And Mix up the Rhyme Scheme to make your OM's Get Spiced Up. Nice Shit though

    -OM Soon to come Legend
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  14. April 27th, 2006, 08:15 PM #14
    Soule
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    Thanz man. Rise. This is my stronger kind of peice. But no i'm not new.
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  15. April 27th, 2006, 08:30 PM #15
    Soule
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    Honestly. I think i have the potentila for a HOf peice. But never Legend. I'm niot that good. Not yet any ways. Rise please.
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