Love. . .Or Is It Just Me?

[Cody Nash]

Love. . .Or Is It Just Me?
By: Mr.NCredible & Big Nash
.
.
A girl with a look so magnificent, words just couldn’t describe
The feeling that I had for her hoping the same she would provide
Seen here million times, tellin my friends about this amazing girl
How when she smiled it looked like an untouched pearl
She had a smile like the sun, early in the morning when waking from sleep
And the eyes of a sparkling star that shot from way far and deep
Who is this girl? is she that one ive been lookin for all my life
Praying to god that the angels would point me in the direction of my wife
What words could I use to describe my feelings for this gift on earth
That I wish to be my own, to have a family and my wife to give birth
What is this feeling im having, whats this tangle deep beneath my skin
Is this what love feels like, then where exactly has this all been
I think I should go talk to her, hopefully she doesn’t turn me down
Leaving me walking away with a smile that has turned upside down
I walk with my head up high, then approach to her and look her in the eye
As I look to her I stand still in silence in a dumb pose, and look to the sky
.
.
my courage arise, i should speak before i begin to get teary eyed
so i worked it up with a sigh, and started to test this weary lie
.
.
.. my fears beseach me, but my stomachs gone beneath me
i stop breathing, my words come out stupid like a bad script for reading
my minds not seeing the human being standing in front of my face
well, it's not a guys place, but why do ya shoot us down with such grace?
i'd try to embrace your beauty, as it becomes impossible over rejection
the girl who thought she was the new thing..
.. only cuz she could start voting durring elections
for your own protection, i'll try to show you my love. let die a dream
i'll try as hard as i can, but in the end ..we always cry it seems
i would've given my earth, my worldly manner of living. my whole life ..
i would've taken you as my wife, but now it hurts like a dark cold knife
i walk without my old strife, pain's overwhelming. vodka aint helping
down the drink with me bartender, as i finish the last of my shelving
my heart, that faint yelping.. a noise incomprehendable for a man to hear
now see here, i've tried to avoid you, but you just come too near ..
I've gone crazy, rejection just ain't soothing for the soul, not chicken soup
so i stoop to new levels, to plan a funeral for her whole freaking group
i'll regroup, with a little more bang for my buck. just to make em' see
now is this your plentiful ideas of "LOVE". . .Or is this shit just me?
.
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no, they havn't died. but no body cares, now i could give less of a shit
my feelings were so drastically changed, & all i say is they fucking deserved it
.
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Mr.NCredible - Verse 1
Big Nash - Verse 2 & closure verses
Our Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288483
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287905

[noncentz]

wow very potent and poetic not really what i consider rhyme more than art you have strong writting skill some rough patches but talent indeed

[Spoken]

i liked it!.
very emotional i felt intact with the emotion that was handed out!.
i liked your vocabs and good uses of metaphors to make me feel like i was living that moment!.
keep me interested!

Who is this girl? is she that one ive been lookin for all my life
Praying to god that the angels would point me in the direction of my wife
What words could I use to describe my feelings for this gift on earth
That I wish to be my own, to have a family and my wife to give birth
What is this feeling im having, whats this tangle deep beneath my skin
Is this what love feels like, then where exactly has this all been
^^ FAV. line from INC.



for your own protection, i'll try to show you my love. let die a dream
i'll try as hard as i can, but in the end ..we always cry it seems
i would've given my earth, my worldly manner of living. my whole life ..
i would've taken you as my wife, but now it hurts like a dark cold knife
i walk without my old strife, pain's overwhelming. vodka aint helping
down the drink with me bartender, as i finish the last of my shelving
my heart, that faint yelping.. a noise incomprehendable for a man to hear
now see here, i've tried to avoid you, but you just come too near ..

^^FAV.LINES FROM CRY

GOOD JOB!

[Poeta Demonio]

Incred:
Okay your verse was okay, but i dunno it was just too simplistic and basic for my liking, i mean no hate you what so ever, it just seemed half assed to me, i really wasn't feeling the end of line rhyming, you need to add some origionality to your work, something to set you aside from every other witer that posts in this forum, i just didn't get your imagery as hard as it should have been on such good oppotunity of a topic to add sooo much emotion with-in your lines, i havn't read any of your other work to tell you the truth, but i think you can do alot better here, i see you have potential, but as i said you just need to find that unique touch... well done though.

Nash:
Okay i liked yours alot more, you had good imagery, Great emotion at times and alot of thought placed inthe lines, i identified with your piece alot more, and felt you didn't come half assed atall, infact i really enjoyed reading your part, from the disapointment of the first verse your bit was refreshing to read, glad to see you back to topicals old boy lol.

[Cody Nash]

^Good looks all ..
.. we be burnin' like Sean Pauls yo.

[S.Carter]

yea i was diggin this cause u both showed emotions and showed that u are some 2 luv struck muthafuckas lol but yea it was nice both had nice flow and most of all you kept it interesting it wasnt boring as fuck like some of these om/s be but yea i liked this peice yall keep at it

[Lunatick]

Mr.NCredible
Your Verse Was Nice It Had A Good Image Of The Whole Situation Starting Out And Sometime That Is One Of The Hardest Thing To Put Out Cuz The Way You Start Out Is the Way You topical Is Going To Go.......If You Start Out Fucked Up It Will Most Likly Be Bad But You Did Good.....Some Of Your Down Falls Are The Wording You Put In Some Of Your Lines-

Ex: Seen here million times, tellin my friends about this amazing girl
How when she smiled it looked like an untouched pearl

You Could Of Worded It Better And Really Brought Out Her beauty....
The Other Thing I Found That You Should Have Use Is Better Vocab and word play...


Your Best Line:
A girl with a look so magnificent, words just couldn’t describe
The feeling that I had for her hoping the same she would provide

That Lind Was hot It had Wordplay, Vocab And Nice Wording


Worst Line:
Who is this girl? is she that one ive been lookin for all my life
Praying to god that the angels would point me in the direction of my wife

Just Bad Wording Not Very Good Vocab And No wordplay also very fowerd


Big Nash
Yours Was Better It Had Very Good Wordplay And Also A Very Real Image

Ex: .. my fears beseach me, but my stomachs gone beneath me
i stop breathing, my words come out stupid like a bad script for reading


Very Nice Wordplay
.
.
And

Ex:for your own protection, i'll try to show you my love. let die a dream
i'll try as hard as i can, but in the end ..we always cry it seems

Nice Wording And Very Good Emotion Brought Out

Overall Very Nice Drop

[Cody Nash]

spank you two very much ..
.. on behalf of both of us. i kind of rushed him to make the piece so it could be part of the reason his didn't have much internal rhymes and such. but overall i think his portrayed what we were aimed at. his imagination is fine, it's just his wording. good job NCred ..

[chitown_mex11]

i liked the flow of both of the verses but more in the second one, i felt the first one was more descriptive though but still they were both good and overall the piece gave good imagery, i think both of you could've used some better vocab although it was still aight, by the way very good structure propz on that keep up the good work~l8er

[Cody Nash]

^mm hmm, thanks. wow, we're getting feed. OM viewers shaping up since i last been here. maybe i'll try a solo piece later. keep eyes open.
.. Bump

[Spoken]

yo thanks all for feed, i never got this much feed b4 on many of my OM's, and yeh Verbel ill find my creative touch, im hoping its pretty soon

[Spoken]

up for feed......................

[Cody Nash]

Feed ..

[P. Mortuus]

Both verses were written good, However Incred had most likely rushed his, as Nash said above. Your verse was simplistic however it had a potent flow and touch to it which bought oit out. Just try your best most of my work comes out quick as well. AS for cry, yeah i was feeling the emotion lyrically you were very good and the vocab therefore was noticable.

SO, basically i liked the OM and yeah good one keep em poppin from both sides

Also, can you both check my OM
Lil Suzie
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289261

[Cody Nash]

^Will do 2marrow. tired atm, pz.