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Thread: Lil Suzie

  1. #1
    Banned Rancor's Avatar
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    Lil Suzie


    Be
    An Ordinary
    Man clearly not
    An Extraordinary Land

    Be
    An Ordinary
    Man Clearly Not
    A Very Extraordinary
    Land, walk hand in hand
    To future that looks all bland

    What is ordinary, for G’s its glocks and AK’s
    For Philosophers its how intricate time plays
    For Mystics it’s learning Gods ways
    For me it’s the ethereal Daze
    Time passing in Haze
    Being ordinary


    But this is about lil Suzie. To ordinary for her own good

    Suzie was a young girl 4ft 4” bland hair she kept them with curls
    distressing how the story unfurls, like a blossoming bud tossed and hurled
    3 years she had been in elementary, atomosphere unfriendly only animosity
    Just 20 enemies, black hearted lil kids in bids plotting a new taunt a trick
    Came up with the putrid plan to push petrified Suzie in a bush thicket

    The wrists bled as she fell into the dead pricks of the plants
    Crying for “Mommy” while the other kids laughed and danced
    They pranced and poked lil Suzie down the lanes of roads, threw toads
    At her feet and face, in disgrace Suzie ran to another place, the chase
    Went on and on, then they were gone, same things going on for 3 years long

    Now Suzie is left………….. Crying at the gutter
    Stutters and slips………….on streams of butter
    The Skull painted ……………The grey road red
    Now Lil Suzie………….…..in peace and dead
    Last edited by Rancor; April 27th, 2006 at 04:26 AM

  2. #2
    Banned Rancor's Avatar
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    Last edited by Rancor; April 27th, 2006 at 04:23 AM

  3. #3
    Banned Rancor's Avatar
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    Now gimme Love...haha

  4. #4
    Banned Rancor's Avatar
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    Up this for some comments

  5. #5
    I'm Signed HeHe
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    Damn This Was A Real Deep Piece, I Enjoyed Reading This Fo Real. I All'most Had A Tear In My Eye, Poor Lil Suzie Lol, Nah Bruv On A Serious Note You Oughta Try N' Up Ya Vocab A Lil, If You Had A Lil Stronger Vocab In This Piece It Would Of Been Str8 Up 10-10..but Damn, It Was Still Dope, Keep At It..

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    preciate it....this was a 10 min topical battle verse that i thought was aight for OM

  7. #7
    I'm Signed HeHe
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    No Bova Bruv, Peep Link In Ma Sig, rtf,..plz..

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! xPunisheRx's Avatar
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    I wouldn't really say this is a topical duke more like a poem
    You had some great wording and kept really well to topic but
    If you have this writen off as a Topical Rap then you are
    Lacking flow coz this really doesn't work for me, but as I said
    poem yes this is dope...

    anyway I've shared my thoughts and I hope you talk this in pz

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    My tongue tackled many men with my skill
    Who'd of thought my tongue was ready to kill
    You better lay still- its hunting a meal
    Leaving bodys in ice rack its it nature to chill
    Leaving you top E "so maybe" ya'l die by ta pill
    So many victums the piles got as big as a hill
    ...Punisher...

  9. #9
    I'm Signed HeHe
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    ^..Huh?

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! xPunisheRx's Avatar
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    If you want me to go over and show you what I mean I can
    But given you feed like what I had done I thought it would have
    made more than enough sence for you too know what I mean

    holla

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    My tongue tackled many men with my skill
    Who'd of thought my tongue was ready to kill
    You better lay still- its hunting a meal
    Leaving bodys in ice rack its it nature to chill
    Leaving you top E "so maybe" ya'l die by ta pill
    So many victums the piles got as big as a hill
    ...Punisher...

  11. #11
    I'm Signed HeHe
    Guest
    Punisher, Look Up My O'm..Its In Ma Sig, Lemme Know Whats Cracking Ite..

  12. #12
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    ... chat it up in a pm or something...

    ... but yeah the structure of this was amazing... i thought you brought in a nice abstract view and worked this in very well... i like your style its nice and easy to adapt to and read and take in... great work here i could see you being one of the better writers that is new comming to OM... great work here... poetic... and i cuaght the sense of flow with your language... punisher is a hard critique... good work here...

    check out written voices in new crews :P
    READ MORE

  13. #13
    K.T: The Assassin ~ladie_streetz~'s Avatar
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    aye this was soem hot shit right here you wrote this out as if it was more of a poem though but this shyt was hot to me vocab was tight you used the right words to bring out the subject well and the flow was good to me if it was slightly longer it wouldve been way better but it was hot from what you dropped you brought strong feelings to this drop also
    stay up with the good shit
    THE FAMILY.

  14. #14
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Preciate the comments

  15. #15
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    To the top............BangBang i shot you UP haha

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