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Thread: As I Stare Into The Mirror

  1. April 23rd, 2006, 04:53 PM #1
    Spoken
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    As I Stare Into The Mirror



    As I Stare Into The Mirror
    By: Grim & Mr.NC

    MISTA GRIM - 1st Verse
    Mr.NCredible - 2nd Verse

    The mirror unlocks a new dimension...
    a solstice of my inequities conveyed
    Every fear that's near mocks my conviction...
    My deepest feelings conveyed...

    My eyes wander,from my nose,to the reflection in my eyes
    Venturing deeper into myself, past my exterior disguise
    Deeper and deeper I go until my depicted description's exposed
    Gaining knowledge that surpasses anything anyone knows
    I now finally see clearly my life's indefinte purpose
    By engaging myself in this new world, i see what isn't clear from the surface
    Without this ritual I'm near blind at best
    But nothing compares to the fine things i find on my quest
    refined from the devine signs that are mine, blind to the rest
    My expedition helps me concur a heart felt decision
    Discovering what once was blundering, thundering squalor as my face hollers inquisition
    Nothing smaller than a perfect vision..............
    So as i dwelve into my most detailed contents
    There's nothing more I want than this...
    This vision awards me dominance

    The mirror unlocks a new dimension...
    a solstice of my inequities conveyed
    Every fear that's near mocks my conviction...
    My deepest feelings conveyed...

    I see a new person amongst myself, someone with courage
    That has rebuilt his self from pain and cruel suffrage
    Nothing I’ve ever seen before like god has replaced me with sum1 else
    With a mind so redesigned, and takes pride in ones self
    As I look deeper in to this new dimension my focus becomes clear
    Wondering is this really human or is this an illusion coming near
    Body structure accurate to someone simpler in my mind
    Behind my mind in an empty space I start to see and realize
    Who this is and my vision is no illusion cofusin me or playin tricks
    It is I no other, a man that has grown with ideas and my mind is more fixed
    This dimension I look forth to is a reflection, a reflection of full fledged man
    A man in a mirror of his true self, that’s has fully understand

    The mirror unlocks a new dimension...
    a solstice of my inequities conveyed
    Every fear that's near mocks my conviction...
    My deepest feelings conveyed...
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  2. April 23rd, 2006, 04:53 PM #2
    Spoken
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    Link 1
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288272
    Link 2
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288234
    Last edited by Spoken; April 23rd, 2006 at 04:56 PM
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  3. April 23rd, 2006, 05:06 PM #3
    KZK
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    MRN-good spit , ur vocab was weak , j/p big props on vocab good shit , the style was unique and u could tell u were tryin to spit somthing at a high level which u did well, there wasnt really a flo but there was a rhyme scheme which helps , and if the lyrics in bold are a chorus its kinda wack for a chorus. i couldnt really find the topic within ur verse. 8.5/10

    MG- not as much vocab and u also had a loss of flo, u had good imagry and the topic was portrayed well , u could have been more creative with this piece. 6/10

    no hate to either of u , both are fam , and if u can leave feed on the OM in my sig it would b appreciated , pz

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  4. April 23rd, 2006, 05:18 PM #4
    Spoken
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    yeh KZK im tryin to improve on my vocab and structure, sometimes my structure would be on point on sum topics others it wont, but thanks for the feed KZK
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  5. April 23rd, 2006, 07:08 PM #5
    Spoken
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  6. April 23rd, 2006, 07:18 PM #6
    This Aint Beef
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    This appealed to me as I began writing something similar to this a few nights ago. You guys suck for beating me to it...

    MISTA GRIM - I really enjoyed your verse. The vocab you used was perfect, your conveyed your thoughts perfectly. This allowed you to paint vivid images. Quite often when I see someone using an expansive vocab they lose their flow. However, your flow stayed strong throughout. Top verse, nice work.

    Mr.Ncredible - While I liked your verse, I wasnt feeling as much as I felt GRIM's. You had your moments and you used a fairly expansive vocab. However after reading GRIM's I expected something which flowed as effortlessly, which wasnt the case with yours. Some of the images you painted were quite crsip. Nice verse, keep it up.

    I enjoyed this collab, you two work well together. The part in bold is very good as well, quite poetic. Im sure this topic must have been done before, regardless you two handeled it well...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287905
    ^ Would appreciate return feed.
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  7. April 23rd, 2006, 07:24 PM #7
    Spoken
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    ^thanks for the feed, and yeh GRIM is more experienced in topicals so i was counting on being at the same level as him, but thanks for the feed, and sorry for takin your idea u were thinkin off =(
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  8. April 23rd, 2006, 07:39 PM #8
    MISTA GRIM
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    werd, thanks for the feed yall-rise.....................
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  9. April 23rd, 2006, 08:50 PM #9
    Spoken
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    Up for feed..
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  10. April 23rd, 2006, 10:10 PM #10
    MISTA GRIM
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  11. April 23rd, 2006, 11:35 PM #11
    M-A-D
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    very nice stuff i keep thinking that is differtent though nice flow its got substance project on the hole feals good
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  12. April 24th, 2006, 09:37 AM #12
    MISTA GRIM
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  13. April 24th, 2006, 02:53 PM #13
    Spoken
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    thanks, rise for feed
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  14. April 24th, 2006, 09:19 PM #14
    MISTA GRIM
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  15. April 24th, 2006, 10:54 PM #15
    Loch Loco
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    This piece was dope magic cuz, I was feelin both of your verses and the complexity and depth was on point. Everything added up to make it an ill piece and one I enjoyed reading. Keep dropin that reaL shit and holla at me when you do.
    Last edited by Loch Loco; April 25th, 2006 at 04:46 PM
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