"When the Elephant Walks..."

[Dark_Shadow]

this wasn't as good as your last peice..but it was still very good

it was well written, you showed excellent vocab and the lines were of perfect length in my opinion,becuase they were short and to the point, which is what I like to see. I like the storyline of this peice was very strong, the topic itself was completely original and I can't help but wonder how you cam up with the idea.As said before this does seem to be very much like a drop that would be seen in the poetic scriptures forum,but I think it is better here. this was an excellent peice,you used dope imagery, complex vocab and perfect structure,it flowed very well and was really interesting to read. As I said this was not as good as your last OM,but still very good.You have a lot of talent and I can't wait to read more peices from you.



this personally was my favourite stanza,you showed great desription,imagery,and vocab in this stanza,and it stood out from the rest of the OM.Very well written .....keep dropping and I'll keep reading.

WORD!!

[Atti]

That's the worste feedback I've ever fucking gotten. You're a dumbass.

[Got Soul? ©]

wow.

Ok, first of all, those who have left anything negative about this peice need to seriously re-read it and catch all the subliminals and meta's in it.

This is one of the most creative peices I have read, this by far sets andy level of writing that RB has recently devoloped. Your use of wordplay is outstanding. You originality to this topic is somewhat inspiring.
Your structure to your peices have allways been original, I like that about them.
Its a poetry format, but works well for your style.
damn, I guess all that skateboarding paid off for you.

[MISTA GRIM]

Well- I think you've done better but this wasn't a dissapointment.

I liked your imagery and how you took me to that scene, and the wild ripple effect of when the elephant walks...pure and simple it was nice..

Sorry for the short feed but they said what was needed to be said..

can u check my new oM in the sig-death by candlelight

[Atti]

I fed that before you even looked at this man

[MISTA GRIM]

I know-kool-

[Dyl]

okok this was so fuckin clever bro and very well thought of.I really liked your style in writing this and I will definatly second this for HoF.It was simply that good.The way there was secret messaged just made it so more complexed and that made me like it even more.Emotion was great but you could have used just a little more.As i've said so many times before I love your pieces.Each piece is differant and you write it in differant ways.All your pieces are not the same,they are all unique in there own way and you do a great job in expressing yourself.Great job again bro

Could you plz leave feed in my OM Herasy please bro.Its is in sig

[Atti]

Thanks alot for all the feedback. Upping this for more responces.

[Spekz]

I was very proud of myself to have caught the overal metaphor you went with in here...you took a childish theme and mixed it with politics almosts like politics for dummies lol.....It was so much deeper at a 2nd glance, the overall writing wasnt complex..but the topic, way you took it, meta, just the content under the writing was very complex thinking, and dope..i liked how you tied the child story in nicely...yet made it tie with very serious things in politics....for those who dont let there mind expand to notice something like this..yes i could see where they would say it isnt as good....but if they would notice the whole concept..and get e/thing you are trying to say..then i would believe you would get more ..."This is truly dope"..statements....hopefully future FEEDBACKERS...will get the whole thing..

very nice...creative drop atticus!

Keep ups...

...Thank for leaving FB on my piece Lands of Scarcity as well

[Atti]

Thanks for the feedback man... Glad you were able to really grasp the concept.

[Deviate]

Ha.. All the people that changed their minds after Bounce came..

Anyway.. I love this.. From the first moment I loved it. The approach was great... I was very impressed.. The topic would've never occured to me. The subtle political references were great, very intelligent. It was easy to read, it flowed easily... It's worrying the amount of people who didn't understand this eh? Nice work though.. This does deserve recognition.. Hopefully it will receive it.

Thanks for the feed on my piece.. I'm impressed you understood.. Was pretty confusing! Nice work...

[LedgenZ]

politically introspective with a dash of poetic intellegence. i can honestly say that i enjoyed this piece from top to bottom. with both your poetic overtones and creative symbolism you managed to produce a powerful and insightful message. not only was your content banging but so to were your emcee tactics. from a strickly hiphop point of view you excuted everything necessary to make this piece standout amongst the rest......Your flow was steady, you scheme was fluid, your wordplay was commanding and your theme was not only current but it was also unique. all and all what you have here is a truly dope piece.

favorite lines:
When the Donkey starts to flee,
he stops, sees the squawking
ease of the Pigeon and his deed...
Watches the street as two men
start to lute the Quickie Mart
then eat the led that bled
from the dead artists hearts.
Watches the Elephant dance
behind the dam walls as all the wastelands
scream in agony to be saved.
Counting on his pace to scare away
the Crocodile's surrounding banks

^hmmmmmm.....props

[Jawn Raw]

Man you literally need therapy. You talkin about a elaphant....but nah I get it. Deeply I can compare this to humans. Anyway I like the way you write, very atmosphere like but in a more poetical way. Just goes more metaphorical to me mann, they way you need to think about every line. Then again I'm trippin out already over weed but this really made me think a lot. I like when people write their stories like this, very complistic yet metaphorically realistic. Pretty good man, the imagery came deep to me.

[Sfinx]

Haha Atticus with the dopenes again.

I really liked this. I liked the way you incorpared the animals and shown the political message.

Again, your style of writing amazes me. You write differently which is always nice to see.

Thanks for the great read, again!.

[EYE RONIC]

Yeh everyone thinks just because a piece doesnt have end-of-the-line rhymes, its not an OM. An OM can have all kinds of rhyme-schemes, from a poetic sense of flow, to multies and end-of-the-line rhymes. But, Atticus, you've done very nice here, funny picture to begin with, it brought up my spirits at first site. I liked how you started each stanza with, "When the donkey", or "When the crocodile", etc. It seemed like a Dr. Seuss poem, and dont get me wrong, this was an above par piece. But the structure of the piece reminded me of a Dr. Seuss poems, because of each beginning of the stanzas. Good job, keep it up.