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Thread: Not Long Left (rubbish )lol

  1. April 17th, 2006, 03:06 PM #1
    Black Ninja
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    Not Long Left

    Its hard to swallow..is it true for wat art thou told
    That i would never see tomorow.....
    ...so dazed and confused..Filled with so much sorrow
    gazing far beyond the earths yonder.....
    ...hopefully my mother will grow stonger....
    knowing that her son wont be there to hug her...
    ..the years pass so fast...i wish i could backtrack..
    ....and be with my family...at last.........
    knowing that im a cast of saintan s wrath....
    burining in hell...hoping this pain doesnt last...
    ...shed so many tears..death is what i fear....
    ........a visit from the grim reaper...
    ...is a shambolic sheer..the hallucinations begin..
    .drunkin alcholic..bloody mary they sing...
    ..if i could start over i would change everything..
    Cant face all the victims family i mased..
    ..never indicate..no sense of human-ess
    ..as there life i take....as i put the gun to my head..
    i say grace....forgive me lord..for all my mistakes.
    ...forgive me for taking peoples lives.....
    depriving them of there phicallity...
    .....for the lives ive takin the sins rebound on me.
    so i pull the trigger and whisper....

    lord protect my family....
    Last edited by Black Ninja; April 17th, 2006 at 03:42 PM
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. April 17th, 2006, 03:07 PM #2
    Black Ninja
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    yo people i done this while i was half asleep

    so forgive me if this is shit..Lmao
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. April 17th, 2006, 03:10 PM #3
    Black Ninja
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    yo feedbacks please
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. April 17th, 2006, 03:13 PM #4
    Black Ninja
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/newreply.php
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287107
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. April 17th, 2006, 03:15 PM #5
    Black Ninja
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    yo feedback on this please
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. April 17th, 2006, 03:16 PM #6
    Black Ninja
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    ayo..feed..back
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. April 17th, 2006, 03:19 PM #7
    Black Ninja
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    yo..feed back people..

    please
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. April 17th, 2006, 03:21 PM #8
    Black Ninja
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    yo holla back
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. April 17th, 2006, 03:25 PM #9
    Black Ninja
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    some body holla back please
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. April 17th, 2006, 03:28 PM #10
    Black Ninja
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    yo leave some feed please.
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. April 17th, 2006, 03:32 PM #11
    Black Ninja
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    somebody...please..leave a feed on this

    i know its shit but..still
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. April 17th, 2006, 03:36 PM #12
    Bstill
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    gazing far beyond the earths yonder.....
    ...hopefully my mother will grow stonger....
    knowing that her son wont be there to hug her...
    ..the years pass so fast...i wish i could backtrack..
    ....and be with my family...at last.........
    knowing that im a cast of saintan s wrath....
    burining in hell...hoping this pain doesnt last...
    ...shed so many tears..death is what i fear....
    ........a visit from the grim reaper...
    ...is a shambolic sheer..the hallucinations begin..
    .drunkin alcholic..bloody mary they sing...
    ..if i could start over i would change everything..
    Cant face all the victims family i mased..
    ..never indicate..no sense of human-ess
    ..as there life i take....as i put the gun to my head..
    i say grace....forgive me lord..for all my mistakes.


    this was a part i could read over and over and wouldn't get tired of but chea some of this shit could of been well reworded in ur structure was nice

    over all 8.2/10

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  13. April 17th, 2006, 03:37 PM #13
    Black Ninja
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    ^ thanks homie..
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. April 17th, 2006, 03:39 PM #14
    Rancor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Ninja
    Its hard to swallow..is it true for wat art thou told
    That i would never see tomorow.....
    ...so dazed and confused..Filled with so much sorrow
    gazing far beyond the earths yonder.....
    ...hopefully my mother will grow stonger....
    knowing that her son wont be there to hug her...
    ..the years pass so fast...i wish i could backtrack..
    ....and be with my family...at last.........
    knowing that im a cast of saintan s wrath....
    burining in hell...hoping this pain doesnt last...
    ...shed so many tears..death is what i fear....
    ........a visit from the grim reaper...
    ...is a shambolic sheer..the hallucinations begin..
    .drunkin alcholic..bloody mary they sing...
    ..if i could start over i would change everything..
    Cant face all the victims family i mased..
    ..never indicate..no sense of human-ess
    ..as there life i take....as i put the gun to my head..
    i say grace....forgive me lord..for all my mistakes.
    ...forgive me for taking peoples lives.....
    depriving them of there phicallity...
    .....for the lives ive takin the sins rebound on me.
    so i pull the trigger and whisper....

    lord protect my family....
    I actually quite liked this, it's not rubbish it's aight, the vocab was aight and the flow was good, The structure was diff than to what i'm used to but it's good and the way you expressed the feelings were good..Next time just watch ya spelling and try going even deeper into the message/story your trying to portray to the reader, it's a good start and you have improved hella lot since last time, just carry on your on the right track ma dog
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  15. April 17th, 2006, 03:41 PM #15
    Black Ninja
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    ^ Thanks homie..

    more feedback
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life
    Made By Me
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
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