Emotions

[Trema]

my ambition as a kid was to ball and be equal
i wore glasses, so they bullied me, everyday after school
every dream i had was broken, faking to my dad i was sick
so i didn't have to go back to school-to that fucking shit
imagine you feel week, but i had enough sleep
it was the kids at school-i was the last one to eat
but the first one to weep, them days still scar my heart
praying every morning, but is was like my life was barred
no access, my lifes hurting like i had an absess
um a mess! anything next, might just enter my neck
a lack of respect, 21, with a heart of bronze,
what went wrong, why so many kids die in hong kong
next bar, with a next day, next rhyme-while i delay-
the feeling of decay, and still my brother says lifes ok
life since last may, has made my mind inflict wounds
and since noon, i still fume, if there's a meess in my room
so many broken dreams, none of them make any sense
i dremt i had a grand, woke up and found 51 pence
how do i fix my dreams if the glue is no longer solvent
the pain through my vanes, is the reason for ma hunger an torment

www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285418
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286053

[MC-Carnage]

Was'nt really feel'n it tha frist part was'nt catchy you kno i didnt really anna keep read'n seem parts were allmost dope but overall midcore piece homie
Keep writeing stay up hopefully your next one will be hof bound

[Kris Stubbs]

Eh this was a bit catchy..i didn't really like the topic, and your whole rhyme scheme wasn't really workin for anything. your vocab wasn't bad though, and the concepts you attempted worked out ok. The imagery was showing, you did good with that, really good, but you have to work on your content more. like mostly the rhymes, and a better topic.


but not bad

[Trema]

Thanks fo the feedback, uppin

[P. Mortuus]

This was a more simple verse from you Trema, yet i reckon it twas good in it's way, a tweak hear and there and this would be ready for audio, na mean....Keep it going and try writing up some of that deep shit ya write

Check this, thanks:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=4300800

[R_U_PULLIN_IT?]

its ok but jus a lil simple u kno mayb if u woulda used bigger words n whatnot u kno put some intelligence in it it would b a whole lot betta