Psycho

[Witty]

ok before I start this story, let me take you back and explain what came before
my Mum passed away a year ago, and my little sister died at the young age of four
the tears cleanse my eyes, but my mind is forever diseased, my soul has been lost
my head convulses in shock, I foam at the mouth, I am my own mind’s riposte
I disgust my self. but someone else disgusts me even more, a filthy demon
this creature has filled my life with impurity, and I will now get even

‘’you can’t control me anymore’’
‘’oh but I can’’
‘’you have left my wrists sore’’
‘’shut the fuck up and be a man’’

that’s all he ever says, but it’s hypocritical really, I can’t believe he has the nerve
how can he tell me that I’m not a man, when he wiped his own Mum off of this earth?
and yes I know that doesn’t change his gender, but a real man couldn’t do that
as I look at the face of demonic evil, I know I’ve never seen anyone so mad
I watched him beat my little sister, and I tried to intervene, tried to protect her
watched her bleeding, saw her beautiful little face, with its perfect texture

‘’I hate you with all my heart’’
‘’oh I love you too’’
‘’look don’t even start’’
‘’why? what you gonna do?’’

he knows I could never stand up to him, but it’s getting very tempting
his actions have left my life, my mind, and now even my soul empty
the scars on my body, are just superficial, it’s inside that’s really scarred
I am the most insecure person alive, but on the outside I try to look hard
I sit on this couch, it hold the memories of the past inside it’s very stitching
the flowery pattern has seen the death of everything my life is missing

‘’leave me alone…please!!!’
‘’no, it’s your turn now’’
‘’ I’m begging on my knees’’
‘’stay there while I turn the lights out’’

the room darkens, the street lights outside are the only light in this room
if I let him find me in the dark then I know that my life is doomed
I hide in the corner, afraid to breath, trying not to make a single noise
I sneak to the light switch, turn it on, I see him menacingly standing poised
He’s staring at me, I look back into the eyes of a this confused and evil man
I try to swing a punch at his face, but the mirror shatters and cuts my hand

[Witty]

lniks coming soon

[Twixn...]

we should... uhh swap.

[Twixn...]

we should... uhh swap.

I sit on this couch, it hold the memories of the past inside it’s very stitching
the flowery pattern has seen the death of everything my life is missing

‘’leave me alone…please!!!’
‘’no, it’s your turn now’’
‘’ I’m begging on my knees’’
‘’stay there while I turn the lights out’’

the fade in with the short lines worked well with the flow which was impressive to see... nice elements in this one... i haven't read much of your stuff.... you should check out written voices... :P but really nice emotion here... along with imagery... tied it all together beautifully... this is the kind of interesting peice i like to read.... keep at it.

[Witty]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post4279879

first link...and yea I'll leave feed on yours now...thanks for the feed man,it's much appreciated.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post4279887

second link

[Johnny 6-feet]

A great topic and well illustraited, good to see some fresh talent on the board man. You used some good imagery and great structure to make this piece readable. The next thing you need to do is shorten your line length a little and work on strengthening your vocab. Some multi's also would've helped the flow of the piece but you have the 2 most important parts of a topical piece (topic and imagery) nailed down. You work on those other areas and you could be SS league material in a couple of months.

Keep posting.

[Witty]

thanks alot for the feed dude it's appreciate alot,and I'll be sure to use it.

uppin for some for feed

[InfaMouzMami]

okay this was excellent kind of reminds me of the OM i jus did.... the structure was good vocab imagery emotion...

‘’you can’t control me anymore’’
‘’oh but I can’’
‘’you have left my wrists sore’’
‘’shut the fuck up and be a man’’

that’s all he ever says, but it’s hypocritical really, I can’t believe he has the nerve
how can he tell me that I’m not a man, when he wiped his own Mum off of this earth?
and yes I know that doesn’t change his gender, but a real man couldn’t do that
as I look at the face of demonic evil, I know I’ve never seen anyone so mad
I watched him beat my little sister, and I tried to intervene, tried to protect her
watched her bleeding, saw her beautiful little face, with its perfect texture

^^^ thats deep

the room darkens, the street lights outside are the only light in this room
if I let him find me in the dark then I know that my life is doomed
I hide in the corner, afraid to breath, trying not to make a single noise
I sneak to the light switch, turn it on, I see him menacingly standing poised
He’s staring at me, I look back into the eyes of a this confused and evil man
I try to swing a punch at his face, but the mirror shatters and cuts my hand

^^^ that shyt had me on the edge i was really feeling this... as i said before emotion was great in this piece wow 10/10 good job

[Witty]

thanks alot,I'm glad yall liked it......uppin for some more feed

[Swift Death]

Dope shit. pz.

[Witty]

^lmao loving the detailed feed homie

[Touch.]

ryt ok man dat was some hot shit man its so deep man i cud never do sumit like dat n u must av experienced sumit like day 2 fink it all up man the wordin was mint n kinda gd structure n i was nearly cryin lol it was so gd man

[da king01]

lol thanks but no never experienced anything of the sort.....oh and did you get what I was trying to imply at the very end?

[Technique]

ur flow was good and i liked ur emotion some deep shit sorta had me edge which i like by this i no ur lyrics consist of a lot of intellect nice drop keep it up peace

now time to leave feed on mine

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285496

peace

[Witty]

aight thanks for the feed.