User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: The Courtyard

  1. #1
    Cap Com
    Guest

    The Courtyard

    Sitting here at this courtyard dark and unwanted
    Just left there to be handled,with a casket to up the haunted
    Heaven has been seperated here,murders are to be discovered
    But the one hidden under the dirt,scrolls were burnt along with the cubbards
    There is shadow learking in the corner just waiting to seice movement
    Its been waiting to strike at Godly figures,for hes been killed in Lent
    Lent is a season in Christianity,this was a burial for stuff like that
    So many ideas burnt in scriptures,stood for nothing so was pushed to sat
    This place was burnt down and built by trees,wood from bamboo wire
    And kids were suffacated by carbon monxide,after breathing in burnt tires
    This was a long time ago but it was reported faces have been seen
    It was known for stars,cuz it was shown as most haunted on a TV screen
    This was a graveyard once,it was to small to handle
    After a deadly branding happend and a farmer was left waving his candles
    One day a mental boy fell asleep and woke up bleeding on his head
    Across his forhead,branded I own patients that were sent to be fed
    As the shadow learks rumors are spreaded of who he is
    But vomits in the corner,has no soul but follows with spit

  2. #2
    Swing Life Away Wireless's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Tennessee
    Age
    33
    Posts
    3,433
    Battle Record
    11-1
    Interesting read...Great subject...you had great vocabulary, and you worded it greatly...you could have stood to make the structure a little better though...you Definetely have the basics down...If you keep your work up before long you'll get noticed...
    Anyway, I really enjoyed this part:




    Sitting here at this courtyard dark and unwanted
    Just left there to be handled,with a casket to up the haunted
    Heaven has been seperated here,murders are to be discovered
    But the one hidden under the dirt,scrolls were burnt along with the cubbards
    There is shadow learking in the corner just waiting to seice movement
    Its been waiting to strike at Godly figures,for hes been killed in Lent


    VERY interesting beginning...7.5/10, keep it up...

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.

  3. #3
    Cap Com
    Guest
    thnx upping

  4. #4

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Birmingham
    Age
    36
    Posts
    5,726
    Battle Record
    7-0
    ur not allowed 2 post up 2 o.ms in 24 hours
    read the rules..
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  6. #6
    Cap Com
    Guest

    Talking

    they were on two differnt days

  7. #7
    ..in chains? Naw!
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    M24
    Age
    39
    Posts
    3,684
    Battle Record
    5-2
    Awards SS Season Champion
    Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.


    I HAVE TO HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
    READ THE RULES.
    CLOSED.

    Reason:Shit Feedback .


    -Brix.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •