Glory 1-0 Vs Twixn... 1-0
Checkins Due Thursday March 30th 11:59 PM Western
Verses Due Saturday April 1st 11:59 PM Western
Topic:When it All Falls Down
Leave Four Voting Links In Checkin
Glory 1-0 Vs Twixn... 1-0
Checkins Due Thursday March 30th 11:59 PM Western
Verses Due Saturday April 1st 11:59 PM Western
Topic:When it All Falls Down
Leave Four Voting Links In Checkin
should be illy...
in.
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Last edited by Glory; April 2nd, 2006 at 05:17 PM
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Overall Rap Battle Record ~118Wins~10Losses~
When it All Falls Down
"i watch out my window as the noon bell rings
it stings my ears with memory of hustling out the door.
addressing the flag with a sudden motion to the head
met with dead only threw family members age or sickness
told to beat this and feed this country into subtle bliss
questioning every lesson and moral I've learned
metal earned... messed with Nemesis's and Friends no mental burns
i had no idea what i would see...
to some ignorance is simply key"
sentimentally rise
cries of the innocent ring in demise
guns shatter, deceive the simpletons decently laid out path
shatter and trash life's math divides many and joins others to kill
practiced only preaching so arm chair activists can gloat
while the souls tend to float until caught in the web of misconception
repp'n thrill set lifestyles burn a hole in emotion and soul
control over vast population blurs the common goal
virtues thrown into the fog of war, arguments aimed at next door
rape victims flee from civil troop disorder emotions left sore
stereophonic waves carring bomb threats even far north
and dropping locations, lucifers cry is outraged and set forth
birds are turned to steel, while the suite and ties sip tonic
and almost electronic war wheel turns slowly
in deaths skeletons hand pulling direction
a section of soul sanctum is rumbled to satisfaction
when it all falls down... this.. our nation...contrary to popular vote
never seems to leave on a good note
"A bullet bit my side...
the nightmare some consider a joyride ended not too badly..
my July was spent resting and crutching around... once clutching memories, fade
its debated that i was told too much, but they disregarded info as jaded
the kins folded arms took fold and court room whispers dissipated"
"i know whatt some people have seen and done
but hey!...Training camp never really was fun"
"I've served for nothing other than what i "thought" was right...
not by gun,blade or fist... but by this streets street lamp glow
our life is might."
-The conflict between the very natures of our own angels...
should never leave the world torn
Last edited by Twixn...; March 31st, 2006 at 10:14 AM
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Never to Rise Again
It’s no tragedy to see happening, the slow cries or pleads
Most empires bleed, in the womb of their own sire’s seeds
He never had an empire, just a family and a few friends
And only a small handful of students, actually knew them
Beyond that, grade marks on charts were above average
Smart with no talent, he studied hard but most hadn’t
Years carried on, as he parried strong past endeavors
Never easy, but class had never surpassed his measures
Time passed and weathered, till it hit his last December
In the spite of his life, the very last fact he’d remember
Pressure hit, when time to measure in, failure confronted
Valor stunted like the cold blunt rolled up and puffed in
First time was nothin, just once and kiss bye to meaning
Unlike most types of feeling, bein’ high was breathing
Light was bein beaconed, unveiling skies to unopen eyes
Its like it was never an option, the light had chose his pipe
This dope was life, grades dropped, but he still passed
‘who wouldn’t minus a grade in exchange to feel hashed’
Filth passed, through his lungs but meant nothing to him
For once in his life, he could throw care and screw it
Months after the feeling dulled, never as good as his first
And so to recapture the magic, he booked school to search
From a few puffs of weed, to some injections and scars
And it only took a few weeks, for the rest to fall apart
This type of fall was hard, like quick sand it eats you
With no way to escape, the heat grew as his feet moved
Trapped in motion, ravaged in the depths of illusion
A life empty of purpose, and only fear left to move him
They don’t always die, when they hit unknown depths below
Instead they become, what we now know as homeless people
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Overall Rap Battle Record ~118Wins~10Losses~
Twixn:
Well, Twix.. I was very torn on your piece here. I did like the way it was wrote, but for a league like this, poetic writing cannot take on one line of connatations. I just think it was too poetic. But never the less, the mechanics of your piece was nice. Nothing flawed really, cept for a few choice wrong words. But I think every verse has that. The content of the piece was quite hard for me to grasp. I picked up the somber feel and depression of how something can be in such a state for another persons wrong-doings. & it was cool, but it left me confused to how this happened?!
Anyways, you wrote good. Props.
Glory:
To be honest, your concept wasn't too original. & I thought if its told the wrong way then Twix would have this in the bag. But I was impressed how you kept it going all the way through your piece, you were consistent in detailing his downfall. The "drug route" for writing can be bland, but it was your story telling that kept me reading. Good show.. not complex with meachanics, and it worked. Props.
Overall:
For me this was a battle of story-telling versus writing traits. & although I don't usually go with fictional stories.. I was really impressed with Glory's ability to stay on track with a decent-ish story. So..
Vote: Glory.
Good battle guys.
ArtificialIntelligence
Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton
I think the winner of this is Glory by a little bit since I thought he just came with it. Twixn didn't do bad himself though. But one of his problems was that he didn't bother to rhyme every line like a rap song should be (though it isn't actually a rule, but freewriting is like playing tennis without a net). I'm guessing it's about politics, but I can't be sure. Also, I thought the flow was off a bit too. It was a good rap, so those problems are the only things that plague the rap. Glory, he took something that could've ended in dogshit and made it good enough to win with decent rhyming, clear story, flow and words. But I'd still keep improving. So...
vote - Glory
Got Personality?
glory-
your verse was pretty cliché in a lot of parts and I felt no emotion. It was kind of a boring read. You didn’t do much as far as imagery or rhyme schemes were concerned. Overall, a bad drop for S.S.
Twixn-
You came very operatic… very poetic. Good imagery, came from a pretty okay angle. I honestly liked it.
Not a lot to say on this battle, twixn took it in everyway…
v/twixn
^^You should be banned.
Last edited by ExDaGawd; April 1st, 2006 at 06:03 PM
You should be banned for not voting and freeposting shit ^^^^
Alright,
Twixn::
I liked your piece, imagery was there, it was more poetic than rap, but had a ton of substance,
The End also played well into it, Heres your net props,while the souls tend to float until caught in the web of misconception
repp'n thrill set lifestyles burn a hole in emotion and soul
control over vast population blurs the common goal
virtues thrown into the fog of war, arguments aimed at next door
rape victims flee from civil troop disorder emotions left sore
stereophonic waves carring bomb threats even far north
and dropping locations, lucifers cry is outraged and set forth
Glory, Also a nice piece, The downward spirial of drug use, very honist and true, and it was more along the lines of a direct Rap song, However the rhyme scheme was much more simplistic and didnt give the imagery that Twixn's did,
It was extremely close, But I gotta give the big V to Twixn
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Exactly lol. Anyways....
Twixn: I see where you're coming from here. The way you sent out the message of the problems and heavy issues with our nation was incredible, and the whole, "when it all falls down, our nation, contrary to popular vote, never seems to leave on a good note" idea was absolutely fantastic. That line was probably the most moving out of the whole piece, it kind of added an angry emotion to the American government and the political warheads if you will. Good read.birds are turned to steel, while the suite and ties sip tonic
and almost electronic war wheel turns slowly
in deaths skeletons hand pulling direction
a section of soul sanctum is rumbled to satisfaction
when it all falls down... this.. our nation...contrary to popular vote
never seems to leave on a good note
Glory: You approached the topic in a very original way, the whole school thing, to the drug and peer pressure sort of idea. Great italic openor, it was very informative, very 'educational' if you will. I liked how you kept a smooth flow, most of it, if not all, was very moving and what not. It was cool how the mood went from not a cheerful, but something close to that, to a setting of life's problematics and despairs. Great read.It’s no tragedy to see happening, the slow cries or pleads
Most empires bleed, in the womb of their own sire’s seeds
Overall: Guys, I can only vote for one of you, and you both know that you're experienced writers, But, I feel that Ace of Aces pulled this one out by a hair. His storyline was satisfactory, everything was added in where it needed to be. And Twixn, you're a great writer, and you know I know that. I just felt that your presentation was a little sloppy at times, leaving me confused. But great reads from both of you, peace out.
V/ - Glory
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good job here guys, I liked this battle. Can't go into too much detail, but glory nudged this one out. It was real close and depending on your preference of styles I can see how this can go either way.
One thing, dude who said the end of every line should rhyme in a rap is really limiting himself as an emcee. there is no formula and unless you break from that industry format you are only holding yourself back. every line does not have to rhyme at the end, the majority of my songs have other than end of line rhymes. a song is a song regardless of end of line ryhmes, there are many other schemes that can be used in place.
vote glory
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This was a good battle, you both approched the topic well in my eyes...
Twix:
Okay as a poet i loved your poetic feel to this peice, i found it very easy to get into your peice, i liked the fact you used complex vocabulary, yet didn't go over the top on it, that to me ruins a peice completely, your imagery was on point the whole way through, but i couldn't help feel like some of the lines were forced or you tried to hard to make them sound better, when people try to hard it really tends to have a negative effect on the peice. apart from that, very well done.
Glory:
I loved your peice from start to finish, the transaction of emotions... i feel you really were unique with this peice, i mean i have seen alot of people write to topics like this, yet i have never seen anyone approach it in the way you did, your voculary was very well placed and on point all the way through... and once again, this was a very good point for the read to appeal to me, you didn't go over the top with it, as i said befor, it tends to ruin a read for me. this was great.
Overall:
Overall i think glory gets it with his uniqure approach to the topic, and the genral enjoyment of the peice really grabbed my attention, good job.
Good battle both.
AI
“¡Viva la Revolución!”
twix..nice poetics and rythym varitions... vocab was cool.. wording was mostly good .. but seemed to fall short in a sense upon certain lines.. as far as hip-hop/rap flow goes.. which is maybe something this drop was lacking.. ie a bit more rap influence........had some good visual depictions.. was mos def an intyeresting read.. and writing of quiete a high calibre....saying that maybe it needed a bit more blatant expression added to it to give the saga a lift...
Glory... a str8 forward yet neat and tidy structure and flow....good vocab use ....nice internal rhyme schemeing gave it good rap strengths and appeal...........story rolled well........expressions was also put accross in a blatant manner............had sum good comparrasions and flexed a good amount of skills on this joint............
thus my vote=Glory
was more enjoyable and intense reading..twix was good writing but nothing in particular jumped out to me... glory had more hip-hop/rap flow to his piece fosho......... and kept the rhymes tight all thru the piece
pz
Glory wins 2-0
Twixn... loses 1-1
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