Suicide Letter

[AngelHaze]

okay this is one of mah battle verses but just give some feed and tell me what you think



Dear Loved Ones,





This is my letter to let you all know
How far I’m actually willing to go
Everyday my life is becoming exceedingly hard
Disregard to discard feelings that leave me permanently scarred.
I’m terrified to exhale but I’m more afraid to inhale
Becoming derailed by lives open trails
I tried to withstand and show love to myself
Deeper feelings on the inside blinded by humility and stealth
misery is my only wound cuts are wide filled with gloom
Tragedy struck and left me stranded the heavens granted I was doomed
What used to formulate laughter now intrigued anger
Destruction assimilation first hand now enticed danger
The pits of hell are beckoning screaming come to me
This pain and devastation no happy moments all I knew was misery.
The feeling of its gentle grasp composes a heavenly vibe
Depression deeply defying the laws of gravity gives a certain rise
I tried to lope away from it but my legs wouldn’t progress
Conflicted with spiritual poverty my soul was overstressed
Tolerance until my soul became overburdened mediocre feeble minded discretions.
Oblivious concerns minor rejection to any thought of murder or self destruction on my minds thought collection
So I die daily as I try to survive
Depression has taken over my soul can’t be revived
I started with a dream but it became hope
I started with a knife and ended with this rope.


2 links for feed-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281957
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/newr...eply&p=4188471



please give proper feedback not a one line 2 line thing..... holla

oh and leave links to your OMs or anything that you want me to leave feed on

[AngelHaze]

uppin for feedback dont sleep on dis whorez lol

[NiNjah Red]

nice overall structure fosho

How far I’m actually willing to go
Everyday my life is becoming exceedingly hard
Disregard to discard feelings that leave me permanently scarred.
I’m terrified to exhale but I’m more afraid to inhale
Becoming derailed by lives open trails

nice i liked the whole flow and emotion of this

What used to formulate laughter now intrigued anger
Destruction assimilation first hand now enticed danger

some nice vocab use and wording was cool
wordplays was on point as well

Depression deeply defying the laws of gravity gives a certain rise


drenched in lament... mos def a lot similar to my thinking to my own thinking and general mindstate


finished off good as well

maybe a couple of stretched lines just before the end which cudda been reduced somehow

all in all
dope poetics fosho

thats what it is


pz

[AngelHaze]

uppin 4 feedback

[LyricallyInclined]

okay heres my breakdown on this:
the structer was on and off well only one part was off it was stretched but other than that it was good structerwise, the flow was on and off the begining was the part i felt was a lil off, the vocab was pretty good, the wordplay was there in and out, overall it was a nice lil read keep it up
peace

[AngelHaze]

thanks uppin

[LyricallyInclined]

please leave feed on my open mic in my sig like i did for you

[Killa_King]

The whole thing was dope But these lines were my favorite:

What used to formulate laughter now intrigued anger
Destruction assimilation first hand now enticed danger
The pits of hell are beckoning screaming come to me
This pain and devastation no happy moments all I knew was misery.
The feeling of its gentle grasp composes a heavenly vibe
Depression deeply defying the laws of gravity gives a certain rise
I tried to lope away from it but my legs wouldn’t progress
Conflicted with spiritual poverty my soul was overstressed

First of all this was rich with Meta's,Structure was a bit off in some lines
But I'm sure you knew that,Complexity,was really emotionally deep
Imagery was vividly painted,Vocab was nice
Word play was nice flow was good for me
Thoroughly poetic nice piece keep spittin stay up 100

[MC-Carnage]

Ayo girl i feel'n your shit

Yo good vocab Structure was tight metas were hot emotion was there fo sho
i relli felt this piece overall mabi we do a colabb one time lol

P.S whats up with all the suicde shit?? you suicidel fo real or just find it n easy topic too work with?

[AngelHaze]

lol no0o it was a topical verse..... i would never

[AngelHaze]

uppin 4 feed...... plz leave a detailed response

[Infamouz]

Aiight babygirl I like tha Suicide Letter, but I hope it was just rap. You lacked strucitre here but have the metas, complexity, multies, persona, and a good verse. I like tha wordplay here also you have a creative verse, somein a lil skeptical, make you wonder if your for real, so you get points for that, good shit though luhv.

[AngelHaze]

uppin 4 more feed lol

[AngelHaze]

okay i guess thats all the feed uppin this for CLOSING

[........]

it was good. some parts were off , but i liked it.