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Thread: Take Five and Aim

  1. #1

    Take Five and Aim

    Erase me, you disgrace me, its over, don’t you chase me.
    I’m better than I was before, I’m better now that I walked out that door.
    You can't get me, you had me and now you want to understand me?
    After you left me here heart broken it was only you that had the token to my mind to my heart, and to my soul. Breaking all of my trust was probably your main goal. So go, have fun with all the boys that'll do you and if they're smart like me, they'll see right through you. You're a liar and a cheater and most of all a deceiver. It’s sad but true, I loved you more then you would have ever known. You ripped through my life like a tornado or a cyclone. And now I'm all alone, back to square one. I should have known this before we had begun. So take my gun and aim. When you're pulling on the trigger scream my name. There's no more chances to rekindle this flame, I’m over the game, I’m over the hurt, I’m over the pain. I'm over the lies, I'm ready to change. My life is rearranged might sound strange but you're no longer in my range. I'll move on, I'll be strong and don’t you ever forget that nothing is life-long.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    England
    Age
    37
    Posts
    115
    Well it worked well as storytelling and wordplay. but i just wasnt feeling it man. Maybe you need to do a little bit work on your shit. Still you have the potential tho you just need to practise your craft lol.
    Pretty good overall but allways room for improvment. Keep them coming.

  3. #3
    Thanks man

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    5,158
    Battle Record
    1-4
    cool dawg u seem real g'd out crazy shit

  5. #5
    ...
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    1,643
    Battle Record
    14-2
    This was kinda short, You need alot of work on flow & structure the whole scheme was over the place, But still someone how I managed to like this story a little bit, Props, Stay up & keep elevating....

  6. #6
    Banned King Cobra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,780
    Battle Record
    47-20
    u need 16 lines min. man
    1stbar was crap only mutis no good wordplay.
    and jus elevate sorry fams but u need 2.

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