"They'll Call me, Poet"

[Atti]

November 16, 1988
March 21, 2006

To Whom it May Concern,

I've just stomached my last gasp...
Past to present has presented too
many paths descending through black
forests that at the fork, that four tracked
Centaurs path seemed to be less work;
before, the track of straight and narrow
bowed, the trees erased their faces
and the air choked on its own patients.
The beast was a liar, "HE JUST LIED!"
As he gazed back to laugh at my tired
pace fade into the path of his eye's fire.
........ Awoke from this dream dripping
in sweat with two clenched fists,
to see his path had continued...........
........ But along a track up my wrists.

No... NO!

Forget that last set of sentences,
this wasn't meant to end poetic...
If I see one comment commend
my imagery or emotional content

... I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!

Its odd, why am I'm trying to find
help in the form of song is beyond
even me, like RB will truly mind
when I kill myself, I mean what the hell...
Hear I am, here this is, my suicide
note will hold your attention span
for all of two minutes until you forget it
and know me me as a poet!

IT FUCKING KILLS ME INSIDE!

And you would never understand,
man... I guarantee this whole thing
can earn me the therapy oh knowing
after I'm dead in my open thread.....
They'll say, "hey, very poetic OM."

Here, I'll go poetic for a minute...
Quick one for the one idiot critic
who thinks I'm not entirely serious...

I'll trace my dying day's pains
into this deep blue binders lined
pages with water color paints.
My wrists provide thick color ways
as my tears soke over a weary
easel's legs before its feeble feet
give way to the death of another masterpiece.

Signed,
... Lost & Never Found.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280058
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278899

[Atti]

... *Sigh*

[hazze]

yo man keep working on your rhyme g and youll get more replys

[Atti]

Shut up, you're ignorant

[Poeta Demonio]

I found this interesting, At first i didn't like it, but then as a i read on i got really into it.

The imagery at times ws extramly great, you have a real good ability to describe exactly what is on your mind, which not that many people have these days, most just skim around the edges of their thoughts, leaving an unclear picture in peoples minds, but this realy stodd out to me and was easy to follow exactly what you were getting at.

The stucture of your verses are extreamly poetic, this is not a usual style that people tend to use in topical but it clearly rubbed off well for you, i really enjoyed the read, and although you already to know i enjoy your poetry i'd like to see more of your topical aswell.

Good job...

[juvi]

Intresting topic man. At times your structure and flow was off but still i like it because its diffrent and you had some nice lines in this. Plenty of room for improvment tho so keep it up dude.

[TProphet]

Please dont go Atticus =(

lol, but im split on wether i liked this very much, alot of
the pieces i see from you are normally heavily about
a persons mindstate or your own and i like your style..
but sometimes they tail off and become random rants..
and you displayed parts of both in this piece.
Some lines had nice emotion and feeling to them but
others just didnt do it for me.. your last stanza was by
far my favourite and i feel that if you had captured
that consistency in each stanza you would of had a
great piece here
Thanks for the read
Theres a link in my sig that i would appreciate feed on

[ND]

this was aight..good flow but a little too simple..i also thought it got a little corny at the parts with all the caps
and yes i agree with the last cat..u put it down on that last stanza but the quality throughout the entire peice was inconcistent

elevate

[Atti]

The reason it didn't stay like that is because it was supposed to be a journal entry/suicide note. If you were to find a suicide note it wouldnt be written like the first and last stanza's. Those were just there to show a level of insecurity, to the point where even on a final note I can't help but to write how people want me to. *Shrug* Can't win em' all... Thanks for the feedback

[Poeta Demonio]

The reason it didn't stay like that is because it was supposed to be a journal entry/suicide note. If you were to find a suicide note it wouldnt be written like the first and last stanza's. Those were just there to show a level of insecurity, to the point where even on a final note I can't help but to write how people want me to. *Shrug* Can't win em' all... Thanks for the feedback

To be honest i think the negative comments that have been made are from people who don't tend to undertand placing and trhe reason for placing the stanzas like you did, so don't let em' get you down lol.

[Atti]

No I don't mind, everyones entitled to an opinions... I'm just justifying the piece so that everyone CAN understand it

[haji]

man u need some serious work.keep writing

[Influx]

^Your obviously one of those who understands only two literary voices; bad English and very bad English.

I loved this piece with a passion, in fact, after I type up this amazing reveiw I'm hot-footing it over with a hop, skip and a jump to the 'OM of the Month' thread to nominate this. Your syntax was simply brilliant, near faultless, I really like reading a piece that grasps and holds my attention not solely through it's emotional content - see? - but through the way in which it is cleverly pieced together. Another defining characteristic to this piece was the constent use of assonance to carry the piece along, the flow was off the hook! and the content? simply artistic! I really hope your conning me and this was just a take on a topic, I sincerly hope your not really contemplating suicide , if not, you write with an evolved sense of realism. Really nice piece, loved the imagry and stylistic syntax. Expect to see me in more of your threads If you ever get the oppotunity, I'd be grateful if you checked out something of mine. Thanks for the enthralling read.

[TProphet]

The reason it didn't stay like that is because it was supposed to be a journal entry/suicide note. If you were to find a suicide note it wouldnt be written like the first and last stanza's. Those were just there to show a level of insecurity, to the point where even on a final note I can't help but to write how people want me to. *Shrug* Can't win em' all... Thanks for the feedback

No, No.. Im saying i see what you were trying to do.. and i said i love your stlye of how you write pieces, to me its very unique.. and i said i liked the piece.. but there were some lines (a small sum of lines) that i thought didnt live up to the rest of your piece..

Looking back now.. saying the phrase ''random rants'' was a bit harsh and really didnt merit this piece.. although ive seen alot more complete pieces from you than this..

Now to the critiquing of my piece, revenge you might like to call it
*Points to my thread* link in sig

[Atti]

Lol na, opinions are opinions... As long as a critism is justified it's as welcomed as a compliment. And like I said in my other OM thread, I've been slacking with returning the favors but this week I'll really take some time to give everyone in depth breakdowns.