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Thread: My Crazy Mind

  1. March 18th, 2006, 08:17 AM #1
    Dyl
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    My Crazy Mind

    My Crazy Mind



    As i'm all alone in this dark corner I think of my mental state
    My conscience poisons my mind,I am slowley loosing faith
    Wht is right with me?I am belemic down to scitsophrenic,
    My nerves severly paining just like a troubled neurasthenic
    But this corner will stay dark and my path looks like death
    Then again downing a box of anti-depresives what do you expect


    My life is crumbleing apart,nothing for me ever goes right
    This tunnel will always stay dark,there will be no light
    My soul burns with fire and my body withers away
    What is happening to me?I am 22 and my hair starts to go gray
    But how can I get out of this mental hibernation
    My life is in ruins I am just a troubled caucasion


    What happens next is to hard to comprehend
    Even when life is at a high it will always take a bend
    All it takes is the slightest harsh proceedings
    It will shatter your feelings and restart the mental bleeding
    This corner is getting darker and soon it will all be black
    And I will play no part in this life,I will never come back


    But I must pick myself up and end this depression,
    The easy way outa life will not be an exception
    I will stay strong and end my mental molestation
    I will think for myself and end the fustration
    Finally,I am relieved as I see the light peer in
    My life turns in the right direction and my happy life begins
    Last edited by Dyl; March 18th, 2006 at 09:02 AM
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
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  2. March 18th, 2006, 08:19 AM #2
    Dyl
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    links:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...82#post4142082
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=279996
    Last edited by Dyl; March 18th, 2006 at 08:27 AM
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. March 18th, 2006, 08:24 AM #3
    r!PpER
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    lol i see no links
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  4. March 18th, 2006, 09:02 AM #4
    Twixn...
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    pretty simple... miced up emotions get sorted out... but still anice view anyway... at least it wasent grimey street style topical...

    good work on the content... but the story.../persons mind could have had a better twist at the end.. instead of the cliche kind of see the light approach...

    good work here... nice structure... not bad all aorund coverd the basics quite well... ill keep an eye on you...

    peace.

    if you got extra time:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280058
    Last edited by Twixn...; March 18th, 2006 at 09:10 AM
    READ MORE
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  5. March 18th, 2006, 09:09 AM #5
    Phoenix.
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    yup it was a nice vocab and flow ....keep it up

    can you leave feed on eternal love plz thx
    CReDability
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  6. March 18th, 2006, 09:19 AM #6
    r!PpER
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    k anyways, i liked it, nice structure, flow, rhymes, nice vocabs, keep it up man
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  7. March 18th, 2006, 09:36 AM #7
    Dyl
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    Thanks Twixn for the good feed

    uppin for some more
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. March 18th, 2006, 03:15 PM #8
    Dyl
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    uppin this
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. March 18th, 2006, 03:17 PM #9
    MISTA GRIM
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    simple a bit, long and a bit stretched----sorry for the short feed man just not much to say.......pretty decent just work on vocab and complexity
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  10. March 18th, 2006, 03:18 PM #10
    MISTA GRIM
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    ohh--if u get a chance check one of ma links
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  11. March 18th, 2006, 03:48 PM #11
    Dyl
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    iight people lets drop feedback plz
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. March 18th, 2006, 03:57 PM #12
    Saint Jerzey
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    this was tight my nigga, i was feelin the way you was using ur words and shit
    i thought it was complex it looked like u really got into it dawg
    keep doing ya thang, u good at this rap shit, one problem tho
    the way u typed it made it seem like a poem, maybe u should format it different
    good work my dude,
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  13. March 18th, 2006, 05:39 PM #13
    Dyl
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    ^yo bro it wasnt that good it took me 15 mins but tanx for feedback

    uppin
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. March 18th, 2006, 06:35 PM #14
    Dyl
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    Come on people jus a lil more feedback plz
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. March 19th, 2006, 04:28 AM #15
    Jaden.
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    truthfully im tired of reading peices like this...i mean
    everyone has their own way / poit of view, which is why im
    commenting...
    you had good structure, you pretty much covered all the
    basics, you could of used more creativity.imagiry, to
    twist it up a little if you know what i mean...other
    then that you flowed well and got straight to the point..
    ending could of been a little better though or different
    cause once i got into reading it i kind of predicted a
    different ending, good job though, keep it up
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