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Thread: Thoughts of a Pomona Sinner

  1. #1
    Banned White Dice's Avatar
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    Thoughts of a Pomona Sinner

    these are ma personal thoughts, they the thoughts of a sinner
    besides on the street, nigga i aint no muthafuckin winner
    the streets of Pomona California, got me under the seige
    i was sellin everything, from cocaine, ta crack, ta weed
    nigga this aint yo average hood story, nigga its ma life
    ma family tried ta stife, and say i was livin trife
    shit all wanted was the big heavy platnium neck-a-lace
    not be in juve for cocaine possesion, and neglegence
    ballin hard for ma team, cuz i wanted to live the thug dream
    but hip hip artist, they make it look easier than it seems
    im ballin hard fa Pomona, i was raised in that Chino area
    where if u call a mexican a spic, them niggas will bury ya
    me and mah nigga +Glich+, got Pomona on our back
    i got one hand on tha trigga, the otha hand on ma sack
    i cant fuckin win fa losing, so its a fuckin catch 22
    im not Jamie Foxx, but baby ima make it do what it do
    the thoughts of a sinner, man the shits so vivid
    because its true ta me, and fuckin its how i lived it
    they callin me under, like im goin straight to hell
    some times i pray ta god, and ask am i headed for jail
    i get no response, im keepin on hangin wit ma set
    ive commit so many sins, its too many to regret

  2. #2

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  4. #4
    Banned White Dice's Avatar
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    come on yall im uppin for some votes

  5. #5
    Banned White Dice's Avatar
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    is anyone gonna leave feedback on this Open Mic

  6. #6
    Banned
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    Very much a playd topic...whether its true or not

    If ur gonna use a playd topic you gotta be able to put a spin on it or make it interesting in your own way..even if its a life story still be creative. i felt ive read these same lines over and over again here in OM..and it just gets very blah, you have a lot of forced internals,and some parts of ur rhymescheme.....everything was very average or below average in this piece...no hate what so ever, but you need to be more creative, more complex not only with ur thinking but with ur writing style......next piece u drop try to come up with something nobody has ever thought of that alone makes the piece more exciting....also work on emotion/imagery....really make the piece appeal to everyone!

    alright


    NO HATE..KEEP DROPPIN..


    pec


    hit up my new piece A Tribal Beat

  7. #7
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Read the rules before you post an OM again.
    YOUR FEEDBACK IS FUCKING AWFUL.CLOSED.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

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