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Thread: Twisted Melody

  1. #1
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Twisted Melody

    Twisted Melody

    a sniper sits perched in the snow,
    a faint glow from the settling sun, as cold winds begin to blow
    he maneuvers over his side, making sure to blend at key points



    Abnormal makings shifting reality, freezing cold cracking joints...
    .................................................. .........i feel the winds against my skin
    I've been in the same look out for over an hour, mood sour, scraped bleeding shin
    some call me a has been soul, control comes down to vitals pumping
    sanity was a factor it seemed like ages ago, unseen it dwindled to nothing
    slowly i took on a new sanity, vanity not an option
    I'm hoping for a future but my distorted past blends my path

    with no notion Ive taken my last few blasts when i collected dog tags
    watching soldiers carrying lighters convening a message ans igniting drags
    cigarettes like animals looking for a psychological vet
    few I've met levelheaded, but nerves of steel and shaky hands
    never in high demand, yet in my place he wouldn't realise
    the climax was so easily seen as the unexpected demise
    a shadow in the dark pasts, retracing the skyline as it sets and rises,
    my heavenly sent path was hijacked by terrorists,
    spirits fall but death tolls rise walking from the mist
    a shift in regiment, so suddenly climes in size
    from the moon to the the sea, the reflection of memory fell
    plays an untuned melody a soliloquy derived from hell
    the bell rings and from the death tolls, minutes, days, years
    fears double, when suddenly the worst gets to be the unsettling norm
    the storm that rises is brought beyond the worlds reflection of doom forlorn
    soon i will squeeze ever so slightly, sending the already made demons down
    with no more sounds than air and a thud, victims are gone to wait
    fate tears them unknowingly down with me for eternity

    the new world movement I've never questioned...
    the only mission i have left depends on this section
    I'm testing bounds broken over fate deduction
    selection of infection seen throughout and done
    corrupt tunes play at random times
    as another body hits the floor
    a classical string rings uncontrollably

    words only mummers on the wind...
    as i catch conversations drifting
    sifting from one wavelength to ears and keen senses
    I'm akin to none, yet i understand survival and instinct
    distinct the ones i kill, yet i only glance at the victim
    still it gloom's, the taste that the staring gaze leaves within

    "i cannot live in this world, unless you do this with me"

    A shot rippled across the abandon buildings.
    melding the atmosphere to an almost
    frantic uneasiness feeling with no shielding
    weeded from the start of a simple itch

    till you're looking for a bullet hole
    a mole in your infantry spins on a broken axis
    maxes his life and sees the light, lets go with his smg
    see the last glee was a simple act of free time to die
    i can sigh and wait...

    "but fate left me here... making this choice..."

    The general targeted by the sniper ran in a hurry
    luring his officers to follow, and forget about the jury
    the forces would be fine... he said "it's a sign sir"
    but the whole battlefield was a misshapen blur


    The snipers gun rested on sights; the general walking off
    the fight ended, depended on the one fatal shot
    he stopped and thought, cost the whole crop
    he fell willingly beside his still set up gun
    with his handheld pistol in his fingers. no more numb eardrums
    and he waits forever... to put an end to sin
    for the "perfect shot" to break this unfit music within
    Last edited by Twixn...; March 18th, 2006 at 12:43 PM
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  2. #2
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Last edited by Twixn...; March 18th, 2006 at 09:03 AM
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  3. #3
    Rebirth.exe Phoenix.'s Avatar
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    this was nice homie good emotion i was really feeling this peice

    can you leave feed on eternal love plz thx
    CReDability
    Twelve13 Designs

  4. #4
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by .::Syntext::.
    this was nice homie good emotion i was really feeling this peice

    can you leave feed on eternal love plz thx
    maybe if you elaborate on the one sentence reply.
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  5. #5
    r!PpER
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    man this is deep, nice creativity i wish i had it too lol
    i loved the way u wrote this piece i could feel it really and your rhymes and vocabs really helped. cant say much more really , since i got nothing to criticize, good job, really loved reading this piece

  6. #6
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by r!PpER
    man this is deep, nice creativity i wish i had it too lol
    i loved the way u wrote this piece i could feel it really and your rhymes and vocabs really helped. cant say much more really , since i got nothing to criticize, good job, really loved reading this piece
    thanks man

    leave links if you like... people.
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  7. #7
    r!PpER
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    i would if i had any.. but i dont hehe, sry for this freepost, peace nd keep this up wanna read some more form you

  8. #8
    Po'Ethics
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    Eh there's so much to say... Syntext.. Shame on you!

    This was great.. The detailed imagery was probably the best aspect.. The atmosphere set out from the imagery was phenomenal. The flow was good.. Some lines were a bit stretched, but that's fine.. Doesn't really bother me. I'd have more to say but the imagery really did make this for me... Was truly impressive. I look forward to reading the well presented SS version when I vote... On second read with all the formatting I might nominate this to HoF.. Really enjoyable stuff.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    Syntext you should be shot for that

    iight Twix that was a very good drop.Structure really worked and had some good creativity.The imagery was more than good it was great and made it a mush better read.You kept the reader intrested in my opinion,I found it very intresting and a great storyline.I dont know how much time you put into this but it seemed as if you put in a lot of effort and overall it was a excellent drop

    pz..
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  10. #10
    old york
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    Cool piece.I've read better from you at other open mics you've done,but i enjoyed this one.The whole concept of this was amazing,and i liked the emotion and imagery here.The vocab was coo as well,the whole choice of wordplay was perfect to me,and i didn't expect anything from what the title said.I also enjoyed the flow,because mainly it was the coice of vocab you had that made the flow really good,and over all this was a good piece.

    Pz,please leave feed on "Sometimes Death is Necessary."
    thanks.
    hurterrybody.

  11. #11
    The Baws
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    I love reading peices like this.
    You had everything from Plot to Flow.
    From structerwe to vocab.
    Like i told the last guy.
    Thank you for making something worth reading.
    Peace.

  12. #12
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    thanks up..

    ill check out other peoples shit tommorow.
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  13. #13
    Banned Antonio Banderas's Avatar
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    Straight drop with nice flow and interested topic of choice. The content of the writing was performed pretty well. There was consistency throughout the entire drop. Overall, this was a descent drop.

  14. #14
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    most drops are descent...

    as in going down.
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  15. #15
    Mikey B
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    DOPE TWIX-----
    u had a nice engaging story line and unprecedented vocab to accompany it..i liked every bit of this....----_dope_----

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