Unknown!

[SpitFire20]

Love is something special that no one can deny
when you see eye to eye then you will know why.
Bonds and trust is growing, there's no fear of letting it showing.
It's growing up inside you, you turn around it might bite you.
Now I'm left behind in a world of suecide, crying yet not dieing
Flying not yet Diving.
Im the killer of the heart, put u down make me look smart.
Didn't mean to do it I cry now since I blew it
take me back to ur arms, where i was in the start
and yet we will grow holdin hands throught the snow
even in the rain, damn I hate pain so don't put me to shame
I love you very much!

[kid sick.]

um it was ok elevate on imegry and structure....the lyrics were ok but elevate and use more detail could have been way better.

also please read the rules next time.

[r!PpER]

i agree with kid sick but this wasnt a bad piece for a start so work on some mets, multies, vocabs, then use some creativity in ur text

btw u need 2 links here

[Essentialsix999]

structure neeeds work also your vocab needs to expand
if you keep on working on it you could turn this into a
better peice. Your 1st one u put on here was ok, ur 2 ed was alright also
I thought this one was better because you changed the way u wrote it in so
a very good improvement

[Dyl]

Ok this wasnt very good.You need a lot of elavation.Everything was wrong.Structure,there was no creativity and the visuals were crap.It semmed like it took you 10 mins to write the whole thing out.Ya just gota spnd more time on your OM's.Look around at the dopeheads like Bounce and Atticus and you will know what i'm talkin about,but stay up and keep at it.

pz