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Thread: The Hero that lead to Evil.

  1. March 12th, 2006, 05:06 PM #1
    Silas
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    The Hero that lead to Evil.

    The hero that lead to evil...

    Nested in blood, his organs were vital, from good to bad
    A catastrophe he is, no thoughts but a writing pad...
    Hidden beneath people’s eyes, courageous he was
    People heard of him, and still liked him with no type of cause
    Internal thoughts had risen, visions of marry go 'rounds
    Drowned people in nouns, elected mayor with no expounds
    Delusional hate characteristics and faith, with no remorse
    As if his soul was in divorce, manners were non coarse...
    Looked up to him as a believer but he was all notorious
    His personality made me curious, flipping coins, he's spurious
    Saved people's life for a living, his devious ways...he’s never giving
    Never stayed out late & always went in to apt. 207...
    Murder on the news, TV blacked out, I could tell this was strange
    Where was the hero to be found? Shocked I was, he made a big change
    Change of the multiples in his essence, worlds not in his presence
    Killing & Rape is what he's sentenced, his moves was hesitant
    People looked up to him, embarked his every move, he's no legend...
    Just another man made fiction, with bad ways and distractions...
    Some say he went bad, drinking liquor, mind stuck in manual
    Gas on the palm of his hands, spreads beneath him, looks live olive cloves
    Crooked ways to attempt his problems, like a mind with no fluid
    Destructible in all type of ways and parts, no way to "cool it"
    He's in jail...makes no attempt to think, doesn't care he's speechless
    Says his "duty was success", never will he get out, nor be blessed

    3 years later..

    My mind is broken, shades torn apart, I'm losing it
    Worn apart bit by bit, stressed and hit by a stone pit
    Clever...I wasn't.... Judged....yes, hero....nah
    Hesitated in every cause, I was a hero gone bad...not a star
    These jail cells bind my mind together, stuck in 2 separate joints
    One side hate and one side good, but look at it like what’s the point?
    Guards lay low; I'm on death row... Trial set to be executed soon...
    Shall I see you on the other side? Or see a new phase of the moon
    The chair... yeah it was there, just to soon body shakes and shivers
    Getting shattered into pieces, stabbed in every part of my liver
    What have I done wrong, I was a hero, helped and touched souls
    But you see now we behold, somebody’s heart brought out cold...
    Murder...Rape...Assault, what was I thinking, I’m over and done with
    I sit in the chair..... I’m SHOCKED. Time to start my OWN.....myth

    Moral of the story

    Lives are giving; spring is chirping heroes are always there...
    One fault and you'r gone, with no last prayer..............

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  2. March 12th, 2006, 05:08 PM #2
    Silas
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  3. March 12th, 2006, 07:08 PM #3
    Silas
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    Bump.

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  4. March 12th, 2006, 07:39 PM #4
    EYE RONIC
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    Not bad yo, getting better. I'll edit this post in with respectable feed, just gimme some time foo.

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  5. March 12th, 2006, 08:14 PM #5
    Silas
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    Good to see that im getting better! w00t.

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  6. March 12th, 2006, 08:44 PM #6
    MCtrini
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    I couldn't really get this piece da first time so I read it over twice and still didn't really get it. Unfortunately, I found it quite simple vocab-wise and imagery-wise and found your descriptions to be too abstract which made the piece difficult to identify with. Overall I would say that this could have been better.

    Check out mine and tell me what you think:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278657
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  7. March 12th, 2006, 09:20 PM #7
    Silas
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    Then read it over again slut, lol jp.

    Bump.

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  8. March 12th, 2006, 09:32 PM #8
    ghostflow
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    this piece was good....well writtin also. i liked the whole way you set the concept up fams. the flow was okay, but not the best. you had an amazing structure also, the vocab was okay, but the imagry was well visionary. real clear to understand....keep writing fams.... chekc the om in the sig fams
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  9. March 12th, 2006, 09:34 PM #9
    Silas
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    Thanks for the feed man.

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  10. March 14th, 2006, 07:05 AM #10
    Silas
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    Bump, Bump, Bump.

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  11. March 14th, 2006, 07:35 AM #11
    cK-
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    this was dope shit nice creativity flow was ok structure was good and i like the emaginary you also done well with the wordplay keep it up peace~kc
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  12. March 14th, 2006, 10:52 AM #12
    LilWJohn
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    nice drop man, had some tight imagry in it, structure was so so, flow was off in some parts, try using multies also
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  13. March 14th, 2006, 05:30 PM #13
    Silas
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    ...

    Bump.

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  14. March 14th, 2006, 05:33 PM #14
    MC-Carnage
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    this piece was good....well writtin also. i liked the whole way you set the concept up fams. the flow was okay, but not the best. you had an amazing structure also, the vocab was okay, but the imagry was well visionary. real clear to understand....keep writing fams....
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  15. March 14th, 2006, 05:43 PM #15
    Silas
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    Thanks for the feed.

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