Rainy Days.

[Silas]

Rainy Days.

Pale and gray, dissolved and hate, my flesh leaks out of me
No evaporation, nor concentration, I plea in no decree
Fighting and hate is all I see, my bad days I don’t call rough
Everyday’s the same to me, picking different minority’s are tough
I shed my tears solemnly, no need for the whining and moaning
My life’s a horror movie, so happiness and joy is what I’m not holding
Shutting and closing, open doors are closed, wounds are broken
My Mind has no hope in, and my days are never unspoken
Water gets to me and I can’t stop it, it’s like a box with no key
So not having rainy days is not promised………no guarantees.

Peace doesn’t speak to me, I have no sunny days
That’s why when I lift my hand up; I lift it in no praise

Cries and tears, I hear babies mutter in the past distance
I ease no resistance, and nobody’s there to there assistance
It’s like I’m trapped in a hole, darkness, and blood pours out
Rainfalls is what I make, matter a fact just call me a drought
Why can’t I live my life?
It’s hard to last a day out here, can’t walk a mile in my shoes
And that just isn’t a saying; it’s all my aspects in all my views
I’m confused.... I thought days were days, thoughts are wrong
Earth is where I don’t belong, so save it, I can’t hold on strong

Peace doesn’t speak to me, I have no sunny days
That’s why when I lift my hand up; I lift it in no praise

These shall be the last of my days; agony is what I can’t take
So all the days of my life, I can say I made no mistake
Only god can judge me, so who am I to critic myself?
Death doesn’t start itself, but you do it yourself
The chemistry I’ve had all my life, I enjoyed all those phase
But it’s hard to live.
When everyday’s a Rainy Day

[Silas]

Links

#1
#2

[EyeCandy]

pm me tha link 2 this please sounds good stil.. i wana read it we ni'm free.. 1

[OPIE TAYLOR]

i was diggin it in a sense that i feel alot of emotion on rainy days like it is the only thing that will wash away the pain i was feelin it on the real tip the only thing is i would have used bigger words and planned ot out alot more like dont go with the first draft art takes time all in all i liked it tho> one

[Silas]

Laydeee Snypah, what?

And thanks for the feed, bump.

[EyeCandy]

Pale and gray, dissolved and hate, my flesh leaks out of me
No evaporation, nor concentration, I plea in no decree
Fighting and hate is all I see, my bad days I don’t call rough
Everyday’s the same to me, picking different minority’s are tough
I shed my tears solemnly, no need for the whining and moaning
My life’s a horror movie, so happiness and joy is what I’m not holding
Shutting and closing, open doors are closed, wounds are broken
My Mind has no hope in, and my days are never unspoken
Water gets to me and I can’t stop it, it’s like a box with no key
So not having rainy days is not promised………no guarantees.

^^^very descriptive i must say.. niice flow..& deep emotion..

Peace doesn’t speak to me, I have no sunny days
That’s why when I lift my hand up; I lift it in no praise

^^^seem like this tha hook.. its good stil.. it does explain the entire piece..maybe if it was 2bars or repeated..but itz koo..

Cries and tears, I hear babies mutter in the past distance
I ease no resistance, and nobody’s there to there assistance
It’s like I’m trapped in a hole, darkness, and blood pours out
Rainfalls is what I make, matter a fact just call me a drought
Why can’t I live my life?
It’s hard to last a day out here, can’t walk a mile in my shoes
And that just isn’t a saying; it’s all my aspects in all my views
I’m confused.... I thought days were days, thoughts are wrong
Earth is where I don’t belong, so save it, I can’t hold on strong

^^^i see tha vocabulary be coming slightly better than tha 1st verse..again niice emotion.. & tha multies was good in this...

These shall be the last of my days; agony is what I can’t take
So all the days of my life, I can say I made no mistake
Only god can judge me, so who am I to critic myself?
Death doesn’t start itself, but you do it yourself
The chemistry I’ve had all my life, I enjoyed all those phase
But it’s hard to live.
When everyday’s a Rainy Day

^^^ niice closer..

good rhymin in this piece.. it was str8 2 tha point.. i liked tha way u expressed ur feelins in this.. i'd deffo read more from u mayne.. this shiit was good.. flow was smooth throughout thee whole of it.. bway i dunno how this could get slept on.. cah on a real dow i don't regret readin this.. i lurved it.. it was deep stil..

* & yesterday i told ya 2 send me tha link 2 this cah i wanted 2 leave feed.. incase i had forgottin 2 read all of it.. silly.. lol

[Silas]

Oh, rotfl.

Thank you very much for the feed

Upp.

[Silas]

Upping this.

[PuffyMcWhalen]

Pretty good shit bro. The message this piece sent was powerful and stirs emotions in people. The flow was a little shaky in some parts but you mostly worked through it. The vocab was pretty much decent throughout.

Favorite Line: Cries and tears, I hear babies mutter in the past distance
I ease no resistance, and nobody’s there to there assistance

Least Fave: Only god can judge me, so who am I to critic myself?
Death doesn’t start itself, but you do it yourself



Overall this was a pretty nice drop. Keep writing, I want to see what you can really do man. I give this a 7/10

[Silas]

Word, i agree. I mested up on that line.

Thanks for the feed.

[Moniker]

This wasn't too bad Silas. It was an ok read, but the flow was choppy in areas and some of the rhyme schemes seemed forced. content and concept wise it was borderline cliche IMO, but you had a few orignal styles you threw in the mix. the strongest lines to me were "It’s hard to last a day out here, can’t walk a mile in my shoes/ And that just isn’t a saying; it’s all my aspects in all my views" Mostly, the rest of the piece was wordy and could have been shortened with better diction. Like one member said, this comes off as a rough-draft. I think it can be much stronger if you went back and took some time to edit this. Just keep at at man. Good to see someone on here from Hartford. Stay up.

-Mind

[Silas]

Woah, i love your feed. I will deffinately improve in the parts needed. Thank you very much, Mindless. 1luv.

[Silas]

First bump of the day.