Green Colored People...

[topher]

Grabbing the concept of what's different can range many ways
Lagging the important theories of our fathers before us never stay
As we stand in gasp,we pray,what we only think should be gone
But in ourselves,deep down the well,we know our prejudice is number one
And discriminating everyone we see,because they live to our expectations
If we all are human beings,why the hate,the difference in other nations
'We believe in one god,father and almighty,maker of heaven and earth'
In those words only,Selfishness,and even he might have been a discriminator
As we take the elevator to Where ever,it comes to a hault and we fall
Inside a cave,were darkness makes every one the same and equal
No more hate in people,and the prejudice everyone keeps locked inside
There's no possible way of making it to heaven,just one big a hell of a ride
Immigrants coming from other countries,aliens known to be called
If hair counts for every smart move you do,than everyone must be bald
The burning sensation in heart,and behind many beautiful eyes
Priests are child molestors,cops are bad,and all just a bunch of lies
If Aliens ever existed,what would happen,will they also feel disequal
Or will they become the most powerfull thing ever,and make us....
...............................Green Colored People...............................


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...36#post4066036
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...62#post4066062

[ITawAPuddyKat]

This was a cool lil drop here. I'm liking your concept and approach very original. Your word choices are good, but in some places I felt that you forced your rhymes so your strucutre can look delicate, don't worry about that. Anyway's your Imaginary was descriptive, portrait, very Much decent. Cool lil drop here, Your message came across and it was direct, I like that. Keep writing.


Leave a Feedback on my new OM "Three's a crowd" Link in sig, Thanks.

[topher]

Thank you for the only feedback left,i will get to it.

[B.I.Detained.]

Hey, man. This was a pretty decent piece all in all. The title gripped me right away because it interested me. Thats a good trait for any early writer.. getting peoples attention. For the content, I could see where you was coming from because it happens all over the world, but I was hoping to read a stronger account of it. It just seemed half hearted. Your mechanics were find..uncomplicated and it flowed well. Nice drop.. I just think you should work on making your content as interesting and catchy as your title.. keep writing.

[2hot2handle]

You got potential. Ya need to improve ya vocab and rhyme sceheme. It was a cool topic and interesting. Overall it was average, not wack but not considered good. Ya goin the right direction though. Keep writing. I dont think disequal is a wrod though, but its cool, just keep gainin knowledge man.

[Silas]

This was good, what really caught my eyes was the topic name thats why i clicked this and read it. I really liked this man, didn't lack any imagination or nothing. But what i really didn't like about it is that when you write something you put a comma and that like a word right after it, you'r usually supposed to space it and then right the word after the comma, nah mean? Other than that i loved this man, didn't lack any voacbulary. Build up ya concept a little more. But great job, look forward on seeing more. Peace

[topher]

I luv you all,last up towards a new open mic.