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Thread: The V.I.P. Room: R.I.P

  1. #1
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    The V.I.P. Room: R.I.P.

    I'm tired of people claiming that when
    one door opens, another is sure to close.
    So I sit in the hallway and watch the
    clocks attached to their wandering souls.


    Another day passes with stagnant music blarring behind wood,
    it's understood we've got no homes left deaf to the hood.
    I took a fresh breath and then stood...
    with a depth kept inside my chest, cacthing a theft's goods.
    This is the best of "I could" as I sat back, max relaxin'
    on the track and spat mad facts compacted to a hook.
    Lets chat over a flat base-line and taste aged wine
    taken by the maker of abstract space and time.
    Rumor has it I got this knowledge from the grape-vine
    outside honest galaxies...actually, I lied, I'm tired of rhymes
    used to promote confused shows like kids don't know
    how to shoot a gat, and attack wack cats that
    act like fast magic graduates, saluting attractive hits
    quick to be retracted when the contract stacks it's chips.
    Cash in your stash for some handles before your
    16 year old bars trap you to rap, and your grabbing bags
    strapped with minimum wage like it's an interim basis
    education; taking out the trash in a blank face waiter's oasis.
    You wouldn't last a dime sack if you flap your gums son
    cause emcees breeze through tongues piercingly and tattoos
    of your crew with ink written in snake bitten ferocity.
    It tears me up to be pessimistic but simplistic linguistics
    dare to be optimistic when too many heads are dead to
    realistic artistic ability, faking grateful sentiments said
    when your sending me engery and a mix tape CD
    to R.I.P. with no lettering; you better bring talent valuable
    to the game or trade your V.I.P. room enthusiasm and
    exuberant vigilantism shit to someone who can stand it.
    I'll rant and rave over open graves for their name-sake.

    I'm tired of people claiming that when
    one door closes, another is sure to open.
    So I sit in the hallway and mock the
    clocks attached to roaming souls still hoping...
    Last edited by Moniker; March 1st, 2006 at 09:48 PM
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    Up, and i'll edit in some links.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  3. #3
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    with a depth kept inside my chest, cacthing a theft's goods.
    This is the best of "I could" as I sat back, max relaxin'
    on the track and spat mad facts compacted to a hook.

    ^^ Ouch. This was brilliantly wrote. My favourite segment of the piece.
    Again, Mindless, this was such a really nice read. From start to finish
    you were on point with the content, and made a vivid image for me
    to ride with. It was bitter/ironic message for me as this is happening
    all over the world, and rather than take it from an artists perspective,
    you took more from a third person, almost "con" view. There was places
    I had to re-read but nothing that hurt the overall read of the piece.
    I'm loving reading your Open Mic's atm.. please keep dropping at the
    level you are, man. Because new writers can take so much from you.
    Props..

    Try to return the favour on my latest piece.
    Thanks.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  4. #4
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    thanks brix. it's appreciated man.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  5. #5
    hey yo i know im not no vip or anything lyke dat but im new 2dis shit and i was guna see if yall kud help a brotha out..i dnt kno where to go 2 juz put my lyrics down or where to battle kud sum1 tell me where 2 go..thanx

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! doghead's Avatar
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    whoa.. lost me there.. but it looks like talent...

    best lines:

    This is the best of "I could" as I sat back, max relaxin'
    on the track and spat mad facts compacted to a hook.

  7. #7
    Aged Like Fine Wine
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    you need 2 links...

    i really dont like the name of the om...but the verse was average...i didnt really like it cuz i didnt like the topic...alot of it didnt rhyme like VVVV

    You wouldn't last a dime sack if you flap your gums son
    cause emcees breeze through tongues piercingly and tattoos

    alot of it was like that....just work on it you'll get better...

  8. #8
    Rebirth.exe Phoenix.'s Avatar
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    nice peice i liked the detail
    CReDability
    Twelve13 Designs

  9. #9
    Banned
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    nice drop man....really feelin it...nice flow...great structure...good rhymes
    topic was interesting and pretty creatvie...imagery was excellent....
    overall this was very good..compleixty and good vocab was here.....
    keep it up man....peace

  10. #10
    Banned lil-criten's Avatar
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    ...simply dope flow structure was all there i dont know what to say

  11. #11
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    thanks all.

    up
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

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