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Thread: And The Wall Said...Ft. Automatic

  1. #1
    Greatness.
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    And The Wall Said...Ft. Automatic

    And The Wall Said...
    1st Verse = Automatic.
    2nd Verse = Silas

    Subliminal hate and criminal fate rests high as of late
    As most of our dreams never mean entering a heavenly gate
    We're constantly used as bait, to rate highly of the wicked
    So sick kids these walls hid, unprovoked pain it strived to forbid
    And as some of us lived, most kids died inside of these walls
    All while never answering this mother fucking physcho's calls
    He decked the halls.. with our faces, his basis was cruel and mean
    Raping an orphan's child, a wild man with a low self esteem
    Ripped out somebody's spleen, and we all shuttered in disgust
    When he ripped out their heart next, and ate it infront of us
    Blood and gore filed his lust, while he randomly chose his next suspect
    His devilish sins and non-stopping ends would never gain him respect
    No one helped us, but what did u expect ..a miracle to resort?
    But the wood and bindings these walls were built on were here for support
    So as we were beaten and raped... and we all felt the same...
    These walls said nothing ..but rather screamed with us in pain!

    Enchant me with these bricks embrace my inner soul
    Salute my every ambition, bricks drawn together as a whole
    Devious is the moral to all of its stories, selfishness to describe him
    His orders was a throne, except nobody was ever so excited
    Stones and bricks is what he’s made of, sticks and stones may not brake his bones
    Having him in peoples presences, and you’ll hear from the past cries and moans
    Admire you’re every inspire, but walls may not act as it is
    How can bricks look so devilish? With its bad ways and its sincere ass grins
    Work ‘till you starve – get no pay, just bricks with bad ways
    Mind trapped in a maze, this wall had an endless phase
    Walls may not be heard or spoken, but heres a little token
    Souls’ll be set free, but walls’ll always be broken

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  2. #2
    Greatness.
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    There ya Go!
    Link #1
    Link #2

    Structure came out fucked in my verse =/ but w/e Feed!
    Last edited by Silas; February 26th, 2006 at 08:48 PM

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  3. #3
    too good to be true
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    Dope verse homie, lets get some feed on this!

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    the imagery, wordplay, and vocab was very nice There's not much more I can say except I liked it and keep up the good work lols
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  5. #5
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Auto:
    Nice verse. The beginning of your verse was powerful with the mechanics.
    Had a lotta flow and attitude. Your multi's aided your piece well and made
    the rhyming decent. I don't really dig melancholy pieces anymore though,
    as I've read way too many over the past few years. Try and create a more
    original, maybe, dare I say it, light-hearted verse. Aside from this, it was a
    fairly solid piece and you displayed a lot of good characteristics for a dope
    writer.. just work more on your wording etc. Props.

    Silas:
    Nice name, lol. You've obviously read The Da Vinchi Code. Annnnyways, your
    verse was pretty decent, but once again, he wording killed it a little.
    E.g. Your every inspire. This isn't gramtically correct, which annoys me lol.
    I have a tendency to pick little things out like this. Inspiration is the word
    you're looking for. The concept of your verse was far more readable than
    Auto's, because you had a better outlook on it. Good verse.

    All in all this had the makings of a decent piece.. it just lacked that
    little bit of effort. But it was worth reading. Keep dropping guys.
    I'll be looking out for you.

    P.s. both of you check out my latest OM. Noah's Jealousy.
    Last edited by B.I.Detained.; February 27th, 2006 at 03:07 PM
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    This was a good piece, vocabulary was top notch on both verses, however Silas did have many forced rhymes or maybe they were just gramatical errors, Auto had good multies.......flow of both ya verses was good, structure on the hwole was aight......I reckon this was a very good piece from two very good writers, keep it goin'

    Check this Om, thanks
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271537
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  7. #7
    Greatness.
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    I really appreciate all of you guys feed, especially Brix's thanks and i'll hit ya guys OM's up in just a minute.

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  8. #8
    Greatness.
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    Bump

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  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! I Am Unreal.'s Avatar
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    I thought this was a pretty good drop. I don't think that the title was really fitting because it threw me off the first time i read it, i was like wtf this doesn't make sense, so i read again and understood completely....anyways... I think it's obvious that the two of you are both good writers. Both of you show good writing skills that I won't bother critiqing you on cause youve probably heard it 1000 times before. The only bad thing i can say is I felt that the flow and structure was off quite a bit in both verses and in the first verse the rhyming seemed a little forced. Other than that I was feeling the imagery used in both verses, first seemed to have a little more emotion then the 2nd but silas did a great job of capping off the ending and providing more insight and metaphorical ways of looking at this to make it more abstract, thus completing a well written verse with abstractiveness(is that a word), imagery and emotion... well done

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=275647
    On the wings of maybe..

  10. #10
    Very nice. The imagery, wordplay, and vocab were all great. I would have to say I liked it alot. Very good read.

  11. #11
    too good to be true
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    Thanks for the feed, i'll hit up the pieces when i get home.

  12. #12
    Greatness.
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    Bumpin'

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  13. #13
    Greatness.
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    First upp of the day.

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  14. #14
    Greatness.
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    Upping you'r fucking assholes, pwease.

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  15. #15
    Greatness.
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    last upp, for the night

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