User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 30

Thread: Fire by Candlelight...

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1

    The Illest of all.

    This was written on a deep tip...conveniently while the power was out...so thats how I got the name. I would appreciate any feedback...I am new to the site not to the game...and I will definitely return any feed back i get. thanks. enjoy.

    This piece is called FIRE BY CANDLELIGHT....but changing the title is the only way people will read it.

    ENGAGE IN THOUGHT…I think about the DAYS FORGOT
    My WRIST HURTS…FLAMES ARE LOST…I hope my BIC WORKS
    The PAIN, IT STOPS…rememberin the days I hoped the PAGES CAUGHT
    Would TWIST VERBS til every grain in my BRAIN EXHAUSTS
    TIMED PRECISION an the FINEST WRITTENS…BECAME THE MARK
    MY AMBITION was for RHYME AN RHYTHM…not the FAME I GOT
    PRAYED TO GOD to see my NAME ATOP the list of lyricists that CHANGE YA FRAME OF THOUGHT
    wit one stroke of breathtaking PAINT TO RECLAIM YA HEART…
    I wanted vernacular…I KEPT PRACTICIN…IMPROVED MY VOCAB
    USED A NOTEPAD so my FLOW HAD a wealth of INDEPTH ADJECTIVES
    Can one really PERFECT TACTLESSNESS…In MUSICAL FORM?
    A ROSE TRUE TO THE THORN that GROWS INTO A BEAUTIFUL SONG
    Keep MOVIN ALONG, cuz what else you gonna DO WHEN ITS GONE?
    All ya life people PROVIN YOU WRONG…but CRITICS ASIDE
    I got INFINITE TIME to sit back and watch the MINUTES COLLIDE
    I just want the chance to PICK UP A MIC…and TOUCH LIVES
    CONCOCT A POEM, show people they’re NOT ALONE in the TOUGH TIMES
    I cant DISCUSS WHY being real gives something people can BELIEVE IN
    An ACCRUED MEANIN could give ya the power to RESUME BREATHIN
    Have NEW REASONS….to come to terms with a FEW DEMONS
    I’m THROUGH DREAMIN…now there’s just time for the RHYMES TO DIE
    Tried TO ACHIEVE EM…now I TRY LIFE DIVIDED from NINE TO FIVE
    My MINDS APPLIED to other things…until I can FIND THE TIME
    To DISGUISE THE CRIES of a lost soul HIDDEN INSIDE THE LINES
    Good RIDDENCE TO MY DEMISE…my spits will exist till TIME EXPIRES
    Music COINCIDE WIT LIFE? A question there’s no RESPONSE FOR
    People are generally DRAWN TOWARDS…the strength of a SONGS CONTOURS....
    Last edited by eyeQ; February 24th, 2006 at 04:16 PM Reason: title change.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    uppin for feed on this shit....

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    all right now that i got that shit outta the way uppin for feed on these FLAMES! If you leave me feedback i will gladly return the favor. thank you. one.

  6. #6
    i liked tha rhymes. wer reeli gud. gud use of vocab. i specially liked this bit:

    A ROSE TRUE TO THE THORN that GROWS INTO A BEAUTIFUL SONG.

    i dun knw nythin 2 critcise cause im new to this. so soz bout tht. but overall i liked your wrk. could feel it.

    nice wrk bruv. keep it cmin.

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    yo thanks for the feed...still uppin....u guys are sleeping on a masterpiece.
    They say this kids got skills...you dont know what the half is....

    CHALLENGE...BATTLE...DESTROY....the circle of life continues.....


    my latest written work...flames guarenteed or your money back....


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    ho hum.........................
    They say this kids got skills...you dont know what the half is....

    CHALLENGE...BATTLE...DESTROY....the circle of life continues.....


    my latest written work...flames guarenteed or your money back....


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    hate hate hate hate! READ MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
    They say this kids got skills...you dont know what the half is....

    CHALLENGE...BATTLE...DESTROY....the circle of life continues.....


    my latest written work...flames guarenteed or your money back....


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Undissable's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    33
    Posts
    161
    Battle Record
    0-2
    dope insight, awesome flow wand structrure but you dont need ot capitilixeze you r multies, we can see them fine dawg, it was decent, this was piece had pretty good wordplay, and the flow was dope, overall, ok piece stay up keep writing

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    ya i just do that to accentuate the piece.
    They say this kids got skills...you dont know what the half is....

    CHALLENGE...BATTLE...DESTROY....the circle of life continues.....


    my latest written work...flames guarenteed or your money back....


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Gurbil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    655
    Battle Record
    6-5
    i liked thne imagery but the structure ruined it for me really nice piece tho

    keep it up
    Gurbinator

    Gurbil
    ...The New Wave Of RB's Talent...

  13. #13
    Rebirth.exe Phoenix.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,873
    Battle Record
    11-4
    it's kool imagery was nice

    overall nice peice .....keep droppin

    leave feed on the om in my sig plz thx
    CReDability
    Twelve13 Designs

  14. #14
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    36
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins
    i think u could mos def work on your structure because its hard to flow right...but the imagery was ok and you could do alot better on your choice of words...use more imagery and ull get things str8....keep it up kid

    ~1~

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    100
    Battle Record
    0-1
    i guess i dont understand the feedback on this site. Work on my structure...tell me how...because if you pulled ur head out of ur ass and read this shit you would realize that the structure is fine.
    They say this kids got skills...you dont know what the half is....

    CHALLENGE...BATTLE...DESTROY....the circle of life continues.....


    my latest written work...flames guarenteed or your money back....


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Similar Threads

  1. Candlelight Shadows [IE verse]
    By Cody Nash in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: January 7th, 2008, 11:42 PM
  2. Death by Candlelight
    By MISTA GRIM in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: April 23rd, 2006, 08:06 PM
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: December 24th, 2003, 12:56 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •