..When the Ink dries.. N LitEnd & Phayme

**N LitEnd** · February 12th, 2006, 12:18 PM

N LitEnd 1st
Phayme 2nd

When the ink dries, I want the stains on the page to send cries
When the ink dries, I want the strains & the pains to let fly

.. When the Ink dries ..

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience
I can feel the emotion pumping through my veins after every word
I come to life as I write, the inks not dry, the next deadly verb..
..occurs in scripture to deliver the next quiver, to set your eyes ablaze
In a daze, body and soul shiver, my hand shakes, my eyes glaze
For the time I’m writing, I’m free, there is nothing to hold me back
The art of writing takes over, every curve leads to show just that..
..what you wish to portray, can be done with a flick of the wrist
anger, sadness, happiness, loneliness .. anything .. tick off the list
When the Ink Dries..
..i want you to be able to feel my words, feel my passion, my emotion
the sentences strung together, that plays a sweet melody of devotion
the flow of motion, like liquid, my hand glides across the sleek page
with discrete rage, another line is created to show feeling on these days
mind takes flight to write scripture, destination: far from comprehensive
knocked on the back foot, other minds distorted, lost defences
for when when my ink dries, truth is told, not lies, I justify
there’s no boundaries, no edges, no walls, nothing to stop me, i just defy
this is how I feel when I write, I take flight, soaring high, time is tamed
how I feel when verse is done, ink is dry? Them moments, my life is changed

..When the Ink Dries..
The pen hits paper, My blood reaches its destination
The divine creation, Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation
Without ink, my minds on vacation.. So I keep the pen on paper
Writings my life, So if the ink dries.. My blood will resemble it moments later
But the ink wont last forever, So as it dries, I become weak
So my writing technique resembles my life, So to speak
I just take the pen, jot down my thoughts, hoping the ink stays wet
So through my writing I pray im something my family wont forget
Just Pray...
That the ink is immortal, That I dont have to cross that portal
So to carry my life on, I take the pen hoping that my writings become mortal
Give them characteristics of me, Hoping to set my soul free
I write for my life, Hoping that one day Ill create a Jubilee
Just Pray..
That the ink will spare me, Even give me one more night
Because the minute the ink dries, Is the minute my soul dies

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271274
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3953496

**Phayme** · February 12th, 2006, 12:38 PM

Feed?

**Nostradomus.** · February 12th, 2006, 12:39 PM

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience
I can feel the emotion pumping through my veins after every word
I come to life as I write, the inks not dry, the next deadly verb..

Wow @ the 2 first bars. I loved this peice actually, it deserves something more than feedback. Your flow was amazing, no line was stretched at all, and wow @ your vocab. Nothing was forced or played, the storyline was pretty fucking sick, and you approached this unique title to extent. I really enjoyed this piece, keep writing.

The pen hits paper, My blood reaches its destination
The divine creation, Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation
Without ink, my minds on vacation.. So I keep the pen on paper
Writings my life, So if the ink dries.. My blood will resemble it moments later

Very nice Phayme, you're getting better and better everytime. Your flow is flawless too, and your vocab came understandable to me, and i enjoy that. Your emotion was more...there if you will, than your collab partner, and thats what stood out to me. Great job both of you. HoF material, thanks for the read.

**Tony Brown** · February 12th, 2006, 12:46 PM

very creative topic, brings alot of imagery just by the title.
i think Inlitend coulda had a much better flow except it seemed that he tried to force some multies which sorta stretched some of the lines.
good word choice though i certain places really brought it all together. shows that it's not alwayz necessary to use big words but just have a large variety of vocabulary

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience

..i want you to be able to feel my words, feel my passion, my emotion
the sentences strung together, that plays a sweet melody of devotion

lovin these 4 lines

Damn, didnt know canna could write like this
Emotion was very deep, imagery and metas even in such a short amount of lines was crazy. i was feelin every line of your verse
only thing that confused me was in the 2nd line where you said "Drying the ink in nothing more than a temptation"
but besides that it was nice

**tonecrusher** · February 12th, 2006, 12:46 PM

I agree with Nostradomus, actually, and personally I relate to the flow and the structure. Seems to me we rhyme in a similar way, except that you stretch your sentences maybe a 'lil bit too much. That, of course, doesn't mean it's bad, especially if that piece is gonna stay on paper, as a poetry.

Because the minute the ink dries, Is the minute my soul dies

^Collects all the topic in one line, good good.

Keep it up.

Peace

Krit!cal

**N LitEnd** · February 12th, 2006, 01:23 PM

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated. First thing i've written for months & happy with how it came out.

**tonecrusher** · February 12th, 2006, 01:25 PM

No problem man

**Phayme** · February 12th, 2006, 02:01 PM

Yeah.
Up

**Siege** · February 12th, 2006, 02:08 PM

When pen meets paper, trains of thought leave my minds station
Evoke inhibitions, contemplate, letting my thoughts find patience
I can feel the emotion pumping through my veins after every word
I come to life as I write, the inks not dry, the next deadly verb..

awesome piece, the opeenr was perfect, caught my attention ,it was flawless, the structure, the flow, the multies, the vocabulary was really good as well, it really caught my eye, two words i didn't know ibn it, i looked up in dictionary. com, lol. but the good thing is, nothing was forced so i was able to read it smoothly the entire time

That the ink will spare me, Even give me one more night
Because the minute the ink dries, Is the minute my soul dies

BAM! closed it up fine as well

dopeasfuck stroyline, as well as an original topic to go along with an innovative story

awesome piece, phayme you keep gettin better everytime

*Nominates*

**Phayme** · February 12th, 2006, 02:26 PM

Ight thanks

**Atti** · February 12th, 2006, 02:54 PM

This was a really nice piece actually. Surprising I've never seen this topic done to this extent which is weird, because you'd think people who think of this often. In the verse you guys both had what the other needed I think. Phayme had nice emotion and stuff but he was deffinately outshined by Sy's more poetic and descriptive aproach in his verse. But Phayme deffinately had the better sctructure and flow in his verse. I mean, you both had really long lines that I would have liked to have seen cut down a bit... But Phayme used internal rhyming so it kept the flow moving. When I was reeding Sy's I lost the flow alot and felt more like I was reeding a poem. But ya, overall nice piece... Actually the way you both had what the other needed kind of made it work now that I re-reed it. Cuz you reed Sy's and think "Dope, coulda used more flow though", then next first you get just what you asked for in exchange for some of the description. Nice shit overall... I enjoyed it.