brokin

[Katch-22]

true shit---this is what i wrote in the hospital
------------------------------------------------------

broken


my leg just got crushed...between a post and a forklift
without warnin' .........n there's no one around watchin'
every minute's like a year when ya blood starts pourin'
all over the floor..... .....i wonder if anybody's callin'

nine-one-one.....im all alone.....unable to be seen
n i cant breath to scream......... i need an e-m-t
with an a-m-b-ulance..... ..its hard for me to land
on my feet...my calf's crushed to dust or even sand

i need a hand...im holdin on by a very weakened strand
to consciousness...as the word "help" leaves my esophagus
n hits my mouth n lips.............i go into shock so quick
that my body starts to drop ....but i cannot just quit

i gotta stay up.........i aint goin out like this
in this frozen hell...in these pants that im about to piss
n im surprised i survived..i dont know how i did
but in the mist i realized what a gift tomorrow iz

[KENNY MC!?]

word, that is a dope script
i like rap that use actual influence, good job
u can tell its real, just in teh wording, its sincere
im really diggin the flow, when it first starts off, reminds me of el-p kinda
like fuck the whole thing is a quotable, fa real this is how i feel
pz, good job stay up

[J.Christ]

my leg just got crushed...between a post and a forklift
without warnin' .........n there's no one around watchin'
every minute's like a year when ya blood starts pourin'
all over the floor..... .....i wonder if anybody's callin'

you was really dope'd up in the hospital because im not feelin this piece at all.
I know you was probably feelin yaself while typin this, but this whole piece was trash.
If you really know wordplay you'll keep the crowd interested by ya rhyme schemes.
Maybe next time

[enter]

you was really dope'd up in the hospital because im not feelin this piece at all.
I know you was probably feelin yaself while typin this, but this whole piece was trash.
If you really know wordplay you'll keep the crowd interested by ya rhyme schemes.
Maybe next time

imao...^true.. most the shit doesnt even rhyme properly...

whack as fuck

u1 :homo:

[Mythical]

That is some bad shit to happen to you man, but your inspiration didn't flow well into the piece. Had little to no descriptive language or lines that rhymed well. Your wordplay feels more like you're trying to get a punch in than telling a story.

My two cents.

[DonOwnsYou]

i can feel the emotion but thats it...horrible rhyming, no sence of direction, i didnt feel satisfied after reading that, it had potential but you killed it.

2/10

Don

[P. Mortuus]

Not what i expected from you, the rhyming was no way near a level as it should be, aight this all happened to ya, but still dog ya know in ya heart that this was not what was expected and maybe if ya put more effort in it could have been better.

Check this if ya got time:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268538