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Thread: Po' Ethics: Collaboration.

  1. #1
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Po' Ethics: Collaboration.

    Road Map To The Inevitable

    When a group of writers decide to collab', shit loads of ideas all
    go through their heads. As it did in this instance for Po'Ethics.
    Rather than have one fixed direction for the topic, the idea was
    just to write and see what came of it. There are four different
    views in this piece. So take each one as it comes. Hope you
    enjoy the piece.

    Atticus
    Paroxsym
    Twixn
    Brix

    .

    Pulling a ruffled road map
    From a cracked compartment,
    As my eyes fall to the tracked
    Heart of our rot stained atlas
    And paint the checked past
    Paths with marble passions.

    The last minutes tear picks up,
    Starts running, baggage in hand
    Along a rusted track of history.
    With a damp thumb raised freely,
    The traveling freak show rolls on.

    Among the first row of seats
    A heart falls beneath Southern comforts
    As the eyes: New England fee
    Pass the persecution from row to row.
    Until finally my sorry ass lands
    In the back section of freeman's hope.

    Sat a tired line in a withered ear,
    As her tongue quivered fears
    Wrapped in Band-Aid layers of trust.
    The back seats queer sarcophagus
    Took each strand of loose future
    Ideal and washed up mannequins
    To whittle a drift wood dummy's nude
    In Martin Luther King's noose of aspirations.

    As Rosa Parks stepped lost
    From my weary forehead, to collapse
    In the last aisle of a derailed train of thought.

    ...

    "And as I passed by the 7-11, he just looked at me-
    he was such a dirty mexican"
    Ignorance. Truthfully,
    you could not even comprehend their pain and struggle in life.
    Do you want him to apologize, turn away with closed eyes?
    I'm not sorry little miss suburbanite with attitude,
    How about some gratitude? I should be the one mad at you.
    These "dirty mexicans", these "illegals", these "beaners" are me.
    Latinos are workhorses, scapegoats, cleaners and the army.
    Most of these immigrants come from withering and war torn lands,
    How can they not gander, when they're the ones that decore your brands?
    I'm no blind poet though, I can see that my people have faults,
    stagnating in gangs, high school drop outs, and brainless assaults.
    As the media looks at our demons and social problems,
    I work hard alongside my people and learn how to solve them.


    ...

    I’m tracking these woods native hearted
    It never really mattered where I started…
    I departed my house each day with lust
    I thrust myself away from concrete with disgust
    I trust that one day ill come to a stand still
    My heart is opened but I never planed to fulfill
    But this fear is instilled, human’s expand
    Without question take land and shred it, consumer demand
    This “city” life you live up in and seem to understand
    Is the last strand for me… I look around and see hate
    Heated debate, sedated humans, it’s all just broken fate

    Still here I stand books in hand… eyes looking north
    Once this beautiful world is all turned industrial
    ……………………………ill stop moving back and forth

    ...

    Left for dead,
    an A-Z of nothing but ingrediants to a bottle of Meth.
    With tainted breath I smoke the butt of my cigarette,
    choking back what's left, there's nothing left.. nothing.
    A depth of punishing, rellenting for something.. or nothing.
    The comforting sound of traffic screaching, to the sound
    of brakes speaking in harsh tongue along the ground.
    The wind grabs a hold of my soul but drops it,
    instantly. . instead of carrying it away.
    Euphoria wanted me to stay and deal with the shit
    that once kept my life at bay.
    My throat regurgitates, the bile of the last hour
    overpowers my will, an ill man made to feel a coward.
    A final sour thought, with photo's I bought..
    and memoirs distraught, with more nightmares..
    than dreams I caught,
    I never could say that I ever did it my way.
    ATTN:
    A bum was found dead at the side of a highway.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  2. #2
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    Last edited by B.I.Detained.; January 22nd, 2006 at 08:33 AM
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  3. #3
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    Thanks K, back upto the top!
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  4. #4
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    this was an excellent peice..very impressive by all of you....great, smooth flow continuesly throughout this peice...good vocab..nice strucutee...very good rhymes scheme..nice multies in places..overall this was a very dope peice.keep it up all of you.....peace-

  5. #5
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    ba ba break it down. :P
    READ MORE

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Kongol
    Drop decent
    Flow kk
    Structure not bad
    Vocab improving
    Rhymth kk
    ......

    Thank you for sharing your infinite wisdom Socrates
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  7. #7
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    Back to the top...
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  8. #8
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    Read it bitches!
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  9. #9
    Redwood Ryan's Avatar
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    yo this was a dope ass piece...i felt alotta emoton...stay up all yall
    9/10

  10. #10
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    I enjoyed this read, kind of here and there, but reminded me of some classical rants I once read. Each one of you had a very distinctive verse and although I don't know who in what order, I could tell when it transitioned from one to the next. With the wealth of talent here I think you guys could have went epic with this, but for a random chian of written thoughts this was rather good.

    Please do me a favor each and ever one of you...

    Don't be strangers in OM, I will do all I can to make sure the enviornment here suits you guys, just frequernt and help teach these kids what good writtens are. I can only do so much, I need you writters to really help me out.

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  11. #11
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    Erm, nice, yeah I especially enjoyed the second and final stanza..that would have been...Paroxsym and Brix? I thought those two stanza's especially had alot of body and transitional thought to them. I felt that the first verse, which was more poetic, was a little out of sync with the others, I accept the ideas in it, but it didn't seem to jigsaw together seamlessly. You all portrayed some clever concepts and it's nice to see in the prelude that everyone was pretty much left to do their own thing, I'm not sure I would have ordered it the way you did though, the first stanza kind of slowed the piece down for me, I couldn't really get into it, some of what you all wrote was a little abstract, which I enjoyed alot. I think something I can really comment on is the line, 'The wind grabs a hold of my soul but drops it', that was beautiful, I loved the personification of the wind, you portrayed it as a superior being, like your persona was a victim of the elements. That line gave me a real sense of the futility of man, and how there are much greater forces out there than the pursuit and appraisal of our our knowledge. Overall, a nice piece, I'd be grateful I one of you could check out my latest, its called 'They Say I'm Anorexic'.
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone

  12. #12
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bounce
    I enjoyed this read, kind of here and there, but reminded me of some classical rants I once read. Each one of you had a very distinctive verse and although I don't know who in what order, I could tell when it transitioned from one to the next. With the wealth of talent here I think you guys could have went epic with this, but for a random chian of written thoughts this was rather good.

    Please do me a favor each and ever one of you...

    Don't be strangers in OM, I will do all I can to make sure the enviornment here suits you guys, just frequernt and help teach these kids what good writtens are. I can only do so much, I need you writters to really help me out.
    awwww group hug...

    god damn bounce... your just so nice.
    READ MORE

  13. #13
    The Mob.
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    good .....structure N' topic was differn't ya were creative had some funny weird lines like that 7-11 mexican line keep it up N' get more creative wording coulda been better but thats not everyything overall decent plz hit up my two OM's sorry 4 my selfish love N' october 15.
    The words I write are oxygen to greatness.

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    it really disgust mean when talent get slept on...this is total crap...not your peice lol. But anyways here's my words of wisdom. I am most def feeling what Bounce said going epic... I'm hoping for a partII, of course I really don't need to say anything structure and all that stuff, people took my advises lol, I'm not quite sure ( beacuase never really read your people work ) but whomever was the third person down...my Favorite...i could relate to that one the most....yup...Keep posting...
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Influx
    Erm, nice, yeah I especially enjoyed the second and final stanza..that would have been...Paroxsym and Brix? I thought those two stanza's especially had alot of body and transitional thought to them. I felt that the first verse, which was more poetic, was a little out of sync with the others, I accept the ideas in it, but it didn't seem to jigsaw together seamlessly. You all portrayed some clever concepts and it's nice to see in the prelude that everyone was pretty much left to do their own thing, I'm not sure I would have ordered it the way you did though, the first stanza kind of slowed the piece down for me, I couldn't really get into it, some of what you all wrote was a little abstract, which I enjoyed alot. I think something I can really comment on is the line, 'The wind grabs a hold of my soul but drops it', that was beautiful, I loved the personification of the wind, you portrayed it as a superior being, like your persona was a victim of the elements. That line gave me a real sense of the futility of man, and how there are much greater forces out there than the pursuit and appraisal of our our knowledge. Overall, a nice piece, I'd be grateful I one of you could check out my latest, its called 'They Say I'm Anorexic'.
    When we first brought the idea up this was supposed to be a poetry collab. So, I wrote it accordingly... If I knew it were going to end up an OM I would have used more storyline and flow rather than interperative writing techniques as much as I did. Thanks alot for all the feedback though.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

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