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Thread: I'm Done

  1. January 16th, 2006, 03:48 PM #1
    LyricallyInclined
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    I'm Done

    -Hook-
    I'm done, im tired of this shit, im finished
    all my dreams have just deminished
    all my thoughts consist of senseless
    i keep tryin but im tired of pretendin
    let me tell you a lil bit bout this pain
    yeah let me show you my pain

    -Verse1-
    you was my number one my girl my one and only
    but now thats all changed i need someone to hold me
    i cant take this anymore...here take this pain back
    im tired of pickin up you why dont you pick up your slack
    ive been nothing but understanding and helpful
    but when i ask for a phone call i'd been unusefull
    i wasnt expecting much just a simple call
    i didnt recive one so im watchin my steps makin sure i dont fall
    love is for suckers i thought it wasnt but really it is
    im tired of cryin at night over you so pack up your shit
    get out my crib and dont you look back not even for a second
    you should have thought about me when you was hesitent
    its over im done finished not to return to you ever
    my gray skys went from glummy to happy i feel better
    now that your gone i can be more of my self
    stay away....dont come back cuz im better off i get my wealth


    i will post links here in a few min just give me time
    Last edited by LyricallyInclined; January 23rd, 2006 at 01:57 PM
    AUDIO

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  2. January 16th, 2006, 04:18 PM #2
    LyricallyInclined
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    link 1
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260651
    AUDIO

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  3. January 16th, 2006, 04:21 PM #3
    LyricallyInclined
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    link 2
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...96#post3815796
    AUDIO

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  4. January 16th, 2006, 11:20 PM #4
    LamaGod
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    you was my number one my girl my one and only
    but now thats all changed i need someone to hold me
    i cant take this anymore...here take this pain back
    im tired of pickin up you why dont you pick up your slack
    ive been nothing but understanding and helpful
    but when i ask for a phone call i'd been unusefull


    ^word dude

    I felt some of this, had some emotion and shit, cool little read.. not much else to say. I mean seems like you was just letting some stuff out.. not a bad job doing that.. keep dropping man. this was aight. pz
    UA
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  5. January 17th, 2006, 09:57 PM #5
    LyricallyInclined
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    thanx uppin for more feed
    AUDIO

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  6. January 17th, 2006, 11:14 PM #6
    Spekz
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    this was an ok verse, seeiing that it was personal, it brought out some good emotion in the piece, however i thought that you could have spiced up the content a little more with some wordplay,internals...it was very slow reading,which was ok seeing it was kind of a sappy song.....overall the overall content could use some work but the emotion, idea behind it were all good!

    keep upz
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  7. January 20th, 2006, 12:22 AM #7
    LyricallyInclined
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    thanx for the feed uppin for more
    AUDIO

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  8. January 20th, 2006, 01:10 PM #8
    MF Chaos
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    man this was real good nice elevation and rhymes man im feelin this good job
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  9. January 20th, 2006, 11:43 PM #9
    LyricallyInclined
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    thanx for the feed uppin for more feed
    AUDIO

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  10. January 21st, 2006, 10:01 AM #10
    Mafioso.
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    wasn't that good........................... structure was good didn't really have any creativity wasn't feeling the emotion N' it was too short if ur gonna make it short then put emotion N' imagary in it ......................4/10 no hate just elavate.
    The words I write are oxygen to greatness.
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  11. January 21st, 2006, 10:21 AM #11
    Lack Focus
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    PLEASE, I beg you. Do not rhyme pain with pain and self with self. That kind of shit irritates me. Anyway, it was truthful and packed with emotion, that's always good. But I just thought the rhyme scheme was really simple...

    keep writing.
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  12. January 21st, 2006, 11:31 PM #12
    LyricallyInclined
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    thanx for the feed upping for more
    AUDIO

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  13. January 22nd, 2006, 05:51 AM #13
    I Am..
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    It wasen't too bad, needs work though, imo. I thought the vocab was basic, imagery was below average, it didn't flow to well either.

    Overall, an average piece, i guess. Still needs a lot more work.
    I got a buddy named drop dead Fred, He ain't really real, he my imaginary friend,
    My mama said that I shoulden't talk to him, Cause I look crazy when I start to fuck with him..
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  14. January 22nd, 2006, 07:00 PM #14
    Johnny 6-feet
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    I'm letting the subpar replies on the links you left slide because they were just about good enough. Go into more detail next time and stop rating OM's out of 10. Read the rules, shit gets closed for that.

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  15. January 22nd, 2006, 09:54 PM #15
    LyricallyInclined
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    ok my bad
    AUDIO

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